I love too many women at the same time

I enjoy reading  your column a lot. Your answers to issues are quite concise and very practical. I say thank you for the good work. I am a twenty-seven-year-old man and  have been in a relationship with lady of the same age. We have been going out for about nine years now and we are […]

I enjoy reading  your column a lot. Your answers to issues are quite concise and very practical. I say thank you for the good work. I am a twenty-seven-year-old man and  have been in a relationship with lady of the same age. We have been going out for about nine years now and we are both very fond of each other. My family members love her very much because she is extremely good, caring, ambitious and very truthful in all her dealings with any one that comes across her way. She is described as a wife material by all. I love her so much so that my heart aches when I am not close to her. Despite my love for her, there is something I have been battling with that I consider a big problem, that is  because it appears as if I am cheating on her. I fall in love easily and most female folks that I come across are very easily  attracted to me. Even older ladies want to get down with me and that to me is flattering. Despite all the attention, I could remember that I strayed out of the relationship only once and that was during my National Diploma days in school. The affair almost rocked my relationship with my girl and it took the intervention of my immediate family members and my friends to resolve the problem. That is the only problem we have had since our nine years of being together.

Please, I need your help on how to remain faithful to her because she means everything to me and I never want to hurt her again.  To tell you how committed we are to each other, we have abstained from intimacy for the last four years on religious ground until we get  married which I hope by the grace of God will take place next year.

Chuks from Lagos

Dear Chuks, I honestly do not think that you have any problem on your hands. If there were any, you have obviously overcome them. Only you can decide to be faithful to your partner with the help of God by choosing to be contented with the good woman that you have.

The  attention you get from women is normal especially if you really have  some of those qualities they ascribe to you. You must consider yourself lucky to have such a woman in your life, all you need do is to continue working on the path of God that you are right now and avoid temptations so that His good plans for you will become manifest. I wish you good luck.

Confused about her…

Hello, Nana

I am nineteen years old and a level 100 student. My story is a long one but I will try to make it short so as not to bore you. I was offered the hand of a girl of about fifteen years in marriage by her mother. She was twelve when her mother made the offer to me three years ago.  Although the girl is aware of it, I have never made any effort to relate to her in any way, not even to say hello to her since three years now that she was betrothed to me. My friends are aware of it and recently started teasing me about her in addition to encouraging me to at least talk to her so that I can develop loving feelings towards her. I was surprised to find myself growing fond of her but  I am still dumbfounded whenever I see her. On several occasions that we have met, we only stared at each other and I am beginning to think that there is something I am not getting right I have never had a love affair with any girl before only friendship with those I have come across. I need your advice on how to relate to this girl especially now that I am becoming fond of her.

Mustapha

Dear Mustapha, my understanding of the situation is that you are expected to marry her when she come of age and when you are also ready which both of you are not yet. It is as well that you have grown fond of her despite the fact that you two have never spoken, a fact I would consider to be a function of your age. She is still a child at fifteen and she is not expected in that environment to do more than just stare at you at this point.

I do not think she understand beyond the point that she has been told you would be her husband in the future. Eventually as you both grow older you may find the courage to say the right things in addition to saying hello to her, but you two have some growing up to do meanwhile. My advise to you is to be patient  and do not let your friends prod you any further.

If you have the courage, you should let them know that you are okay with things as they are now and that when the time is right, you will relate to the girl as appropriate. I also advice that you should focus on your studies so that you can come out in flying colors, an achievement that would likely make you more attractive to your betrothed.