If you don’t, who will?

Self acceptance in simple terms means accepting our selves no matter the flaw or goodness in us. Self acceptance is greatly dependent on the way we describe or value our selves. The foundation of self acceptance rests on the fact that one is alive, unique, and infinitely complex.  As such, self acceptance is valuing and […]

Self acceptance in simple terms means accepting our selves no matter the flaw or goodness in us. Self acceptance is greatly dependent on the way we describe or value our selves. The foundation of self acceptance rests on the fact that one is alive, unique, and infinitely complex.  As such, self acceptance is valuing and feeling good about the self no matter what.  It is unconditional.

We do allow people subject our thoughts to who or what we should be. When in actual fact it is our responsibility to do that for ourself. There are times when we tend to hold back some actions because we feel people will not approve of it even when it is the right thing to do.

We give up easily on so many things in life because we have little or no faith in ourselves at all. Thereby, giving room for others to define who or what we really are.  It is crucial to have a loving relationship with yourself. It is not just a good thing but, absolutely indispensable for a healthy meaningful life. Of all the relationships you will have in this life time, you are the only one who will never leave you.

In an interview with Mrs Amaka Obochi, a Psychologist, she explained that self acceptance could be described as self esteem. “It means the way you see yourself, the way you evaluate or appraise yourself. There is this concept called `looking glass mirror’ developed by a Psychologist. It explains self esteem concept as the way one sees himself or herself in the reflection of a mirror and what he feels or thinks about his or her self and the way another person sees you and how it affects your feelings. So self acceptance is simply accepting yourself despite your weakness, deficiency, feelings, the way you look or whatever” she said.

Mrs Amaka went on to explain why people find it difficult to accept themselves, “It has to do with self esteem, it all depends on how one sees or values him or herself, some people have high self esteem and others low self esteem. When you have a high self esteem, you will believe in yourself and achieve higher. I did a research on self esteem using Bwari area council as it regards the academic performance of students and I discovered that those with high self esteem performed better academically, developmentally and otherwise and for those with low self esteem, they really had a big problem on their hands if nothing is done to curtail their low self esteem. This is because these type of people tend to believe that they are not good in anything  they do as such, they resist change by all means because all they believe is that I’m not good and that is the way it should be, they don’t even want to change it or even make an attempt to adjust in life.”

LifeXtra sought to know the effects of low self esteem Mrs Amaka’s response was, “there is a really big problem because when you look at their mental health, you will discover that it affects the way they think, coordinate themselves, their behaviours and achievement in life. This imperfection makes them not to do anything productive at all because they believe they are bad.”

Some experts have developed many ways of improving self esteem which includes:

*Try and stop thinking negatively about yourself because your thought rules your world; it has powers.

*Aim to accomplish something; set a goal for yourself even if you do not achieve it, try again, nobody is perfect.

*Try new things; don’t just say I’m not good at this. Instead, give it a push. *Try to have fun; everything is not always seriousness. Let yourself be free.

Some of us have bought the belief that it is selfish, conceited and morally wrong to love and accept ourselves. We are taught to satisfy others and live for everyone else. This is not the moral high ground. We may have had enough of the ‘me’, myself, and I, generation. Yet, it is about building self esteem by honouring and accepting yourself with all your faults and attributes. That means loving yourself with all compassion and forgiveness.

You cannot contribute to the world by showing compassion and loving others when you reject yourself.  To fully accept yourself is to embrace all the parts of who you are. It is easy to love the side of you that is generous, compassionate, happy and helpful, but what about the greedy, angry, jealous or envious side of your character? If you are accepting only the good side, you are rejecting yourself and will never feel whole.  By doing so, you automatically reject others.  Self acceptance means we see the good and bad of ourselves without judgment, criticism or condemnations but with a positive determination to change it. It gives us a new beginning that is based on candid self awareness.

If you allow people or someone to continue to determine what you should do or be in life, then automatically, the person or people are now living your life making you a borrowed being because you’ve got no final say of your own