Immigration: Why the applicants are to blame

She repeated the charge again and again until she asked if I was listening to her. I turned sharply to her and told her that she would need to have appointed me for me to disappoint her. The lesson is clear – nobody can disappoint you except you appointed them.Over the weekend, the veracity of […]

She repeated the charge again and again until she asked if I was listening to her. I turned sharply to her and told her that she would need to have appointed me for me to disappoint her. The lesson is clear – nobody can disappoint you except you appointed them.
Over the weekend, the veracity of this innocuous conversation hit me like a thunderbolt. So, a few people went for job interviews and met with death in the process, and rather than accept it, as destiny, people are asking for the resignation of serving ministers. As if these critics have found something more lucrative for them to do than ‘ministering’?
I just don’t get it looks like am missing something here or that some people have been watching too much politics on European and American channels. Which in itself is an unpatriotic act – to watch anything outside the NTA. Why, the other day, a stupid British minister resigned just because he had hired an illegal immigrant who presented fake papers to gain employment. The poor guy did not know that the papers were faked and had no means of verifying. If the man were a Naija, his community would have disowned him for wasting their slot in cabinet. That means, he would never get chieftaincy titles and would become the butt of children’s jokes. He is likely to die a lonely village pariah. By resigning, he denied one immigrant his food and his dependents too.
Lexicographers know that certain words have no meaning in our public service dictionary. Words like shame, compassion, responsibility, duty, empathy, love, accountability were exorcised from our lexicon before the Naija dictionary of service was completed and sealed with the King’s signet ring.
Legend has it, that when the hunchback was told his luggage is tilting, he told his critics that the wobbling started from his feet. So, am going to try and situate the situation as best I can. I do believe those who said that the number of people who showed up at the Immigration recruitment centres do not in any way reflect the youth unemployment situation in the country. Why? All superstitious people know that cities are the favourites of ghosts.
Anyone who has ever looked down from the old Oshodi Bridge would testify for instance that Lagos is the city most favoured by ghosts – those people who were killed prematurely – road accident victims, preys of ritual killers, accident fatalities. Yes, all those guys and girls who woke up in their graves struggling to wear their old bodies, but failing, borrow the vestige of experienced ghosts for that occasional mingle with the rest of us – the living dead. Other cities are catching up?
The reasons I believe these stories is simple. Our coordinating prime minister told a bemused nation not too long ago that this government has created six million jobs in the past couple of years. If that were to be true, and who would doubt such statistics, then, there couldn’t have been that crowd of real people at the stadiums.
So, suck it guys, those optical illusions of a crowd you all supposedly saw at the recruitment centres are not real. Those people who were supposedly stampeded to their deaths are basically not people; they are ghosts, who have simply encountered their first death. In the spirit world, if you die before your time, it does not matter how many times you resurrect or try to mingle with the crowd, you’re always going to get killed anyway.
I believe what the other minister said. If you are not a ghost, you should know that the ban on political rallies is still in effect. Which means that if you go to a non-religious centre and see more than a hundred people there, and the president is not addressing the crown, commonsense should tell you to beat a hasty retreat. But Naija people show stubborn resilience where they are not required. This is why it is said that common sense is not common. If these people have regard for constituted authority, they ought to be afraid that the law could catch up with them, but they congregated at the call of an unauthorized consultancy outfit.
As far as government is concerned, here is the deal – when next people feel like committing suicide, they should do it respectfully – like staying in the line of accidental discharge, road accident or dona-ting their bodies to ritual killers, armed robbers, and kidnappers. More appreciatively – they could go to Haramistan to be used either as human bombs or human shield. That way, government officials can carry on the looting without having to scratch their dead conscience.