Importance of growing together as a couple

Mr. Stanley narrates his ordeal thus: “I just started my family and was still struggling to make a name for myself. My wife and I used to live in my parents’ house which was very comfortable but I didn’t want to be too dependent on my parents and decided to move to a smaller house […]

Mr. Stanley narrates his ordeal thus: “I just started my family and was still struggling to make a name for myself. My wife and I used to live in my parents’ house which was very comfortable but I didn’t want to be too dependent on my parents and decided to move to a smaller house to at least have some privacy with my pregnant wife. Ironically, she is not buying the idea because she feels the house is too small and not our class. She also insists that we move back to my parents’ house or she goes back to hers. Last week, she moved back to her parents’ house with the support of her mum. I am hurt.”  

Reacting to the letter, John Simon, a 43-year-old medical practitioner, says: “He should be pondering on the question that if within the short period of time they have been married, she is not ready to manage life with him, in a smaller apartment, then what does the future hold for them, when things eventually get tougher and he can’t even afford a room in the future? She is the type that if you can’t meet up to her standard then the marriage is over. The vow they both took is for better for worse, so if she can’t adjust now, then there was no love in the first place and she surely married him for the wrong reason.”

Thirty nine-year-old civil servant, Bimpe Akeem, ponders: “Did you say she is pregnant? If she is, then it may not be intentional but due to the hormonal changes she may be experiencing now. It does happen, though as a newly married man and dad-to-be, it will not suit you very well. But since it has come to this, try and pay her visits as often as you can. She will definitely come back because there is no place like home. Just be patient with her as she needs all the support now.”

Jamila Ibrahim, a 40-year-old entrepreneur, says: “Getting married to someone outside your social class comes with its own challenges and this is one of them. What was the agreement before you got married? Did she have full understanding of your financial capability or did you overestimate your bank account balance?”

She adds that: “It’s possible she found it hard to adjust to the less comfortable new apartment. But she has to face the reality that you are not as well-to-do as her father. Meanwhile, if she can’t cope in a two-bedroom apartment, how will she survive if you don’t have money at all? You need a woman who will accept you the way you are. You also need a woman who will stay with you whether you have money or not.”

Bilkisu Ahmed, a 39-year-old teacher, wonders why some women in such a way. “I don’t understand why some women would say they can only get married to a ready-made man; a man that has everything – job, cars, houses, money etc,” she remarked. 

“It’s unfortunate that most women just want a flashy lifestyle. Isn’t she glad that he took the bold step to come out of his parents’ shadow and be a man of his own? I really don’t understand; different strokes for different folks, many will give anything to have their husbands look for even a one bedroom flat than stay in an in-laws house,” Bilikisu surmised.