In defense of Barrister Firdaus’ religious rights

Forget about good governance; those dreams of well-paved roads, running water and a world where the cost of darkness is not higher than the cost of the supply of electricity. Why should anybody care about education when those who have invested valuable time and money getting one are roaming the streets in search of non-existent […]

Forget about good governance; those dreams of well-paved roads, running water and a world where the cost of darkness is not higher than the cost of the supply of electricity. Why should anybody care about education when those who have invested valuable time and money getting one are roaming the streets in search of non-existent jobs? Security? Nonsense, we all can’t wait to reach heaven, well except for one snag – nobody wants to die. Whenever the inevitable happens, one thing is certain, no Naija man would be in hell – it’s not our portion. The only exceptions are the neighbours that throw temper tantrums at being disturbed by the sound of the muezzin or the dawn bell and microphoneof the dawn evangelist. Those neighbours usually returnees from the abroad or too bookish, are all bound for the hottest part of Gehena.

Hell got a new recruit a week ago when someone decided to bar Amasa Firdaus from her call to bar ceremony at the law school. Lawyers are the most secretive people on earth. They are so reclusive; they arrogate to themselves the rights to be called learned. Those who come close to them are the ‘educated’. I’ll be shocked if, by the time you’re reading this, that individual or individuals have not been identified, dismissed from service and thrown under a Boko Haram bus for daring to hit on the only one thing that still matters to Naija people – their religion.

For their overzealousness, they polarized an already divided nation and opened a twitterstorm to booth. It opened up the controversy of what could have happened if Firdaus had dressed up for the ceremony in a habit, worn by nuns. Nuns are volunteers sworn to the vow of chastity, but in Islam dressing is an integral part of faith. Anyone who was old enough to remember the pictures that emanated from Ogbeni Rauf Aregbesola’s decision to allow the State of Osun pupils go come to school in dresses reflecting their religious persuasion should have spared us this latest one.

Anyone who remembered what happened to Jangedi’s arm after the politicization of Sharia by Sani Yerima should have known better. Of course sharia had been an integral part of northern laws since the era of Uthman dan Fodio, but it did not prevent Yerima from gaining a whole lot of mileage from it, including a 13-year old Egyptian bride. Some idiots would like to burn down a peaceful country. They know that we love our religion better than addicts love their fix. Except in extreme circumstances, the addict hardly kills for their fix; the worst they get are withdrawal symptoms. Try to prevent a Naija citizen from loudly expressing their religious freedom and you may have your hands stained with the blood of innocent victims. We are proudly more Catholic than the Pope and the way things are going, we are likely to be the only nationality to protest the new rights being unleashed on Saudi citizens by King Salman and his overambitious son.

Not only are the duo getting ready to make women drive by June 2018, they even want them to ride on motorcycles. While that must be good news for America’s Count’s Kustoms, it is an affront at puritanism.

We should all rise in support of Firdaus’ rights to wear her face covering under her precious wig because it is within her rights to refuse attempts to wrong her. Yes, we who berated Rahama Sadau for daring to lift her own veil and dance in a video shoot. We, who berated Mubarak Bala for declaring himself an atheist.

We, who wear our suits with the sartorial elegance of a proud Englishman. We, who present news in the inaudible diction reserved only for BBC presenters and massacre our local names with glee in the process. We who import winter designs for Saharan climes. We who gloat in our latest rides, from Range Rover, Mercedes, BMW to Bugatti and other brands while showing up to sign climate change accords in Paris. We who believe that coffee is the new pap and that kosei is not food for the modern age. We, who celebrate Valentines Day, hallow Halloween but deride masquerades and town gatherings. 

We, who decry Libyan slavery as the lowest, import expensive dog food for our Alsatians but feed our leftovers to our infant housemaids. We should support Firdaus’ rights to wear her wig and gown over her abaya because it is her religious rights as enshrined in the constitution and extant laws. And if anyone raises voice against these values that we hold dear, well, we should excommunicate him or her and if the law is not watching like Orwell’s Big Brother, we should exterminate them from the earth. 

Yes, we may not have what makes other societies tick, at least one thing is due us and it should never be taken away – ours is the kingdom of heaven. The law protects our rights to express advertise the relics of our professional and spiritual colonialism long after others have discarded theirs. For adherence to these ideals is the road to heavenly bliss.