In marriage, is age truly nothing but a number?

However, she moved in with him, got pregnant and they started living as a family. “After the delivery of my daughter, she was accepted by my family,” he said. But that’s not where his story becomes unusual. “My wife beats me, monitors my movements, she’s rude to my relatives and even insults my mum to […]

However, she moved in with him, got pregnant and they started living as a family. “After the delivery of my daughter, she was accepted by my family,” he said. But that’s not where his story becomes unusual. “My wife beats me, monitors my movements, she’s rude to my relatives and even insults my mum to her face. She’s also threatened to change my children’s names and take them away from me,” he narrated.
Tafida also says she always leaves whenever they have a misunderstanding and he has to beg her to come back home. “This is a woman that I provide everything for. I helped her when she had nobody,” he said, adding that his parents even begged her to stay for the sake of the kids but she refused. She left for some time and he has moved on. “The problem is that she wants to come back,” he said via social media.
Fatima Musa, 35, is a lecturer and she feels Tafida should forget about the abusive relationship. She said: “Even better, they are not married yet. I think his parents foresaw something negative about her and that was why they rejected her. Unfortunately, he was blinded by love. He deserves to be happy. She is older and will always use that against him. I will suggest he moves on, but that does not mean he should not take care of his children.”
Hajiya Zainab Ibrahim, 43, civil servant, believes the woman has a mental problem and should not be allowed near the children. “I thought the era of being abusive to a spouse was phased out. What sort of woman beats her husband and insults his mother to her face? He shouldn’t listen to anybody who tells him to forgive and bring her back; she might end up killing him. Forgive her, but don’t accept her back. The children should be taken away from her because they can get influenced. With an older woman as a spouse, there will hardly be any respect from her. I know, because I am a woman and very few women have the tendency to remain loyal to a younger spouse. The most important thing is for him to never bring her back, as she will never change.”
Anne O. Enuekwe, 41, a nurse, asks if he bothered finding out the reason for her first divorce. “Behaviour like this might have been the reason.  I just hope he has learnt a lesson that not all that glitters is gold because I’m guessing that was what led him to the woman in the first place.”
Sadiq Usman, 40, is an engineer and he says the same advice he would give a woman who finally got her act together in an abusive relationship is what he has to offer. “Never accept her back. The African concept never allows the woman to be the head of the family. How did he lose it? Why would he stay with a woman he isn’t married to and even have children with her?  Fine, the deed has been done but whatever connection he has with her are just the children and he cannot forsake them. She has no regard for you or your family. Her problem is that she can’t accept the fact that you are the head because she’s older than you and that’s unacceptable.”
However, on the other hand, some people find fault with Tafida. A teacher called Linda Taiwo Hakeem, 30, is one of such people. “He was staying with a woman that is not his wife and you never thought that you should marry her but kept having children with her. Have you paused to think that maybe she is angry that you are not proposing marriage to her but only using her only to dump her for a younger woman? Pay her bride price and bring joy back to your life. Take her back, as the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know.”
Marriage Counsellor Maryam Abdullahi says when it comes to love, age should not be a barrier in any way. “There have been successful marriages between couples where the wife is older. It’s just unfortunate that the woman wasn’t appreciative of all had been done for her. The first mistake was staying as live-in lovers and having children, while the second is ignoring his parents. The third is allowing insults on his mother go on without caution.”
Abdullahi added that the woman misused her chances and is now regretting it. “I always tell women to hold on to what they have and cherish it. We never know what we have until we lose it. This is a clear example. I advise the man to move on. It’s unfortunate that children are involved so he should take care of them and not let the sins of their mother affect them. He should also ask God for forgiveness as he has immersed himself in a huge sin by not being married to the woman.”