Ingenious ways to escape hurricane Sai Baba

There are so many fishes on my barbecue this Sunday. Sai Baba has thrown the unique tenure system meant to permanently address the menace of sit-tight directors into the dustbin. Congratulations directors, good luck to those eyeing your chairs and best of luck to those waiting for promotions because of vacancies to be created by […]

There are so many fishes on my barbecue this Sunday. Sai Baba has thrown the unique tenure system meant to permanently address the menace of sit-tight directors into the dustbin. Congratulations directors, good luck to those eyeing your chairs and best of luck to those waiting for promotions because of vacancies to be created by those who are now super-directors. As for those hoping to join the evil service because of the vacancies from retirements, pray for deaths if you may. Shhh! As a northerner, we don’t kick against these things as benefactors of the ‘born-to-rule’ syndrome. Those directors of our extraction are expected to bring their perks or egunje to Arewa House for regional sharing. Aren’t we just lucky?
Then, the slow-grinding wheel of Santa Dasuki’s Armsgate Scandal has reached Digbolugi Ayo Fayose’s bank accounts. As usual, it’s not important how an ordinary citizen (as he then was) could get the kind of lodgments without EFCC invitation at some point as required by law. But then executhief governors with immunity think they could always jump and pass. Since the Naija answer questions with more questions, the accused shifts attention away from the substance of the matter to Thomas Jefferson’s Halliburton scandal. Two or more Aisha Muhammadu Buharis with links to the town of Daura have been re-thrown in our psyche.
Someday it would be when Fayose have to prove his thrown-up weighty allegations before a court of law. Let’s hope his thugs let that happen without disruption as happened before. As far as the substantive issue of his share of Santa Dasuki security egunje is concerned, to be deemed innocent, all that is required is for him to publish his account details. If he shows that money wired is not from Santa Dasuki, he has the freedom granted all idiots to think up another circus show. It’s a hard thing to do when you have a gullible group of ever-ready choristers seeing things less than they are.
Sai Baba’s hatred for southerners is now legendary. What with his decision to bring down any southerner who as much as attempt to rub shoulders with northerners? In May, AMCON took over Sani Dangote’s assets. He is Ibo from Kano. Now its Cletus Ibeto, being vilified for nothing but being a successful businessman of Igbo extraction. But it didn’t end there, it is now famously rumoured (because we never get official confirmations or briefings) that a former army chief, General Ihejirika has had his house and a fleet of exotic cars impounded over the Santa Dasuki Armsgate Scandal. Dasuki himself is being witch hunted for his past sins and probably an Ibo from Sokoto. As Lame Pat would’ve put it – na only Ibo people waka come?
You wish it would end there but it doesn’t.. AMCON, a government agency waited until the uncommon sinnator was several feet above sea level to lay siege on his many businesses allegedly built on unpaid loans. But this is not an issue at all, any common sense loan requires common sense repayment plan. This should not be a difficult issue for a sinnator who offered to give his salary (and jumbo allowances) to Aregbesola’s State of Osun to pay salaries. Since Aregbesola did not take the offer and Naija sinnators are paid more than Barack Obama; why not garnishee his entire sinnate salary and allowances and see how far it stretches. Free common sense advice. If that fails, perhaps auctioning the Korean electric car bought before discovering Made in Naija tear-rubber ‘jeep’. Even me without common sense, this works!
Sai Baba’s hands are in every pie. I mean, the man’s cows have not increased in eight years, so when Linda Ikeji was shouting all over social media that she has just bought a multi-million dollar house in Lekki, did she expect FIRS to give her a medal? If she did, they have disappointed her. They swear by the god of taxes that she owes N75 million in back taxes. Here is an opportunity for prospective suitors to save the lady from further embarrassment, clear the backlog and proceed to ask for her hand in marriage. If she then refuses, we can get advice from Davido – FOC – or free of charge!
 These issues are so simple to resolve and I wonder why we make political capital of mundane issues. I have my own queries of the big boys and girls who like Champagne Dino are said to have a taste for vintage cars. I understand Vegas-based American sensation Count Kustoms, but on what roads do you drive Bentleys, Ferraris and Lamborghini’s? Is it that these big boys (and girls) have other roads different from the death traps that daily suck the blood of Naija travellers? Or is it as some say, that I have been away too long? I thought President Jones did nothing for six years. Sometimes, I am so blue foaming like OMO – On My Own.