‘Inter-racial marriage has many benefits’

Weekend Magazine: Please can you tell us a bit about yourself?Dorien Jacob: My name is Dorien Jacob. I am originally from the Netherlands. We’ve been living in the United Kingdom for about eight years now. I am a nurse, a specialist nurse. I am married to my husband, Abiodun Jacob, and we have two children […]

Weekend Magazine: Please can you tell us a bit about yourself?
Dorien Jacob: My name is Dorien Jacob. I am originally from the Netherlands. We’ve been living in the United Kingdom for about eight years now. I am a nurse, a specialist nurse. I am married to my husband, Abiodun Jacob, and we have two children [Oluwamodupe Hannah Jacob and Bolaji Israel Jacob]. I have been in the Nigerian culture (industry) for a long time, more than 10 years now, I think.
How much did you know about Nigeria and Nigerians before you met your husband?
I didn’t know anything. In Holland, I come from a very small town. At that time it was only in the capital and the cities that they had Nigerians, but further out, there were no black people at all. So I didn’t know anything about the culture. It was not a coincidence, but it was God that brought us together.
How did the two of you meet?
It was in Holland via a friend and that friend used to take us to Amsterdam and we explored things. That was how we met.
This is an inter-racial marriage. Was there any resistance to the marriage from any side?
To be honest, not from the Nigerian side. From the Dutch side, it was more or less reluctance towards the unknown. It was like “oh my God, what kind of culture is that?” And you know people think in certain ways about Nigeria, unfortunately. And there was a stigma about Nigerians but that’s not always true. But once they knew who Abiodun was, there was absolutely no problem.
So the perceived notions and prejudices about Nigeria and Nigerians are not there anymore, at least with your family in Holland?
With my family, definitely yes! But overall, I think in different countries there are still different stigmas around. But I think the closer you move to Nigerians, the more you discover that you cannot put stigma on people. Not in any country. You need to know people for yourself before you can judge who they are.
Having been married to a Nigerian for some years now, what is your assessment of Nigeria and Nigerians?
I think Nigerians have taught me a lot not just about the country, but also about the culture which is very important. I’ve learned a lot about the culture. Spiritually, I’ve also learned a lot about Nigerians. In Holland there are a lot of traditional religions. Nigerians are such nice and warm people.
Do people sometimes look at you in a certain way when you introduce yourself as married to a Nigerian?
No, no. When you say you are married to a Nigerian, you are just part of the family. Nigerians have been absolutely lovely to me, because I am part of the culture. I know a lot about the culture. I have never really had a problem from the Nigerian side.
What about from the other side?
From the other side, you get looks but you have to ignore them. Life goes on. We are in the 21th century now. It’s good to get close and blend with each other so you can learn from each other.
What is your advice to those who have misconceptions or misgivings about inter-racial marriage? And what are the benefits?
The benefit of a marriage like ours is that you can learn so much from each other’s culture. Our children learn from both cultures. The Dutch culture has a lot of morals. The Dutch people are really moral and straight forward. For Nigeria, there are lots of different things. If you put things together you can actually look for a better future because you learn from each other and take the best things out of both cultures to move forward.
Are your children leaning more towards one side or culture?
They are leaning more towards Nigeria! We are living in England. I speak Dutch to them. English is an international language but Dutch is not. So I teach them the morals and ethics from Holland. They are very straight wards and they can learn a lot from them. But definitely the Yoruba culture is the one that is dominant in the family. So they know how to behave and how to respect. They hear Yoruba so the culture is embedded in them.
You speak   and sing in Yoruba. Was it your husband who taught you or you learned from other Nigerians?
It was mainly my husband. But if you haven’t got an interest for it, you don’t pick it up in a certain way. I am really interested in the culture and was very easily integrated. And I like to be open-minded and give people a chance. So it was my husband who taught me the proper Yoruba and also the songs.
Coming from your background and your relations and interactions with Nigerians, what would you say on the perceived stigma about Nigerians?
Oh no! Nigerians … We have to stand for ourselves because it is the people we are shown to be. We can take the stigma away. I don’t think we can judge people on the culture of an entire country. There are Dutch people who are actually useless, but because that is not the stigma of the country, they get away with that. I think we should try to be good and be there for each other and that stigma will go away. 
Have you been to Nigeria?
Yes, several times. We just came back. We went for six weeks in July/August. It’s been a joy. I first went about eight years ago when we got married. I’ve seen the improvements in Nigeria. I enjoyed myself and will go back any time.
If your husband decides to go and live permanently in Nigeria…
(Cuts in) I will follow him. (laughter). I don’t mind. 
Any message?
For everybody, be good. Don’t just judge people on what you hear or see at first encounter. Give each other a chance and be there for each other to make a better future.