Internet matchmaking: Real or farce?
“My wife was formerly my fan on a dating site. She invited me to her USA and I am living like a king in God’s own country”. Most subscribers to on-line dating – those searching for love and marriage on the world-wide-web — hope for such testimonies. Unfortunately, only an insignificant percentage has such happy […]
“My wife was formerly my fan on a dating site. She invited me to her USA and I am living like a king in God’s own country”.
Most subscribers to on-line dating – those searching for love and marriage on the world-wide-web — hope for such testimonies. Unfortunately, only an insignificant percentage has such happy ending.
Ada Johnson, a 35-year-old Nigerian lady, works as a cashier in a Lagos based bank. She took to on-line dating after many “disappointments” from men.
“My Ghanaian on-line lover was quite a handsome man. He was a year older than I. After spending hours talking on the telephone over a six-month period, I finally flew to meet him in Accra, Ghana.
“That was when I discovered he was much older than he claimed. Besides, he was not an engineer but a struggling musician doing gigs at some rundown downtown nightclubs.
“I flew back to Lagos after a few harrowing hours in his roach-infested room. There was no need for tearful goodbyes. He confessed and apologized that he was 52 and married”.
Johnson said though she felt the hurt deep down inside that she had been taken for a ride once more, she wasn’t going to give up on love and marriage.
Many young men in Nigeria now live on extorting money from on-line lovers that they propose marriages to in other parts of world. Most of their claims are false – age, job, educational qualification, etc. Photographs are usually airbrushed or sheer impersonation.
This fraud has become so rampant in recent time that the law enforcement agencies have included curbing it in the duties of their web scam desks.
In addition, home videos and drama sketches have been made on the theme. Some Nigerian youths have been caught, prosecuted and jailed for fleecing foreign women via the Internet in the name of love and marriage.
Kingsley Alo, an Abuja based businessman said he once met a fellow Nigerian on the web and proposed marriage. But, after a year of chatting on ‘phone and exchanging gifts and photographs, they ended the ‘romance’ within minutes of meeting eyeball-to-eyeball.
“The many photographs she had sent were either doctored or taken 20 years ago. Her face was burnt green by bleaching creams that numerous layers of mascara and powder coatings failed to conceal.
“I was 29, tall and handsome; she could be my mother. She called me sweetheart but I looked straight into her wrinkled face and felt betrayed; she read the hurt in my eyes, was alarmed and practically fled the scene”, Alo lamented.
The truth is that on the Internet everyone is attractive, honest, and successful. In essence, every detail is “doctored”. “Airbrushing, doctoring or tampering of photographs” used to be a media term but has become a weapon of deceit often applied by scammers.
They are used to alter photographs to produce “the most imaginable perfect ladies and guys”. In this age of Information and Communications Technology (ICT) many still believe that finding a compatible Prince Charming or Cinderella is only a touch of a mouse away.
New entrants are often lured into believing that their problems are finally solved as they are confronted with pretty marketing slogans.
“Are you shy and do you find it difficult to meet people? Do you fear rejection, or simply feel there is a lack of potential marriage mates in the area where you live in? Then, computer dating is best for you”.
In the USA, about 45 million people visit on-line dating web sites monthly. One Internet matchmaker claims to have more than 100 million people using its service in 240 countries.
The trend in Africa, especially Nigeria, in the last few years has been fanatically overwhelming. The commonest sites in Nigeria are “Fan Box”, “Facebook” and the indigenous “Alarena”. Subscription is free on virtually all the matchmaking sites.
In 2009, Mark Zuckerberg, the founder and president of Facebook, celebrated the fifth anniversary of the Internet phenomenon he originally launched as a personal directory for students at Harvard University.
Since inception in 2004, Facebook claims it has been growing monthly at the rate of 228 per cent. It boasts of over 250 million active users on every continent.
In what many consider a parody, one matchmaking service with over 300 million subscribers confirmed 1,475 marriages took place among them.
Another dating service with over a million members listed only 75 confirmed marriages! Pathetically, of the 1,475 marriages in the first example only 20 survived. Marriage counselors say this is because of the deceitful foundations of such unions. They say that misrepresenting one’s height or weight may seem like a little thing but means a lot to a happy marriage.
Mrs Ann Njoku, sociologist and marriage counselor explains that though a strong attachment can develop by merely looking at photographs or talking on phone, lasting marriages require meeting and observing one another closely.
Njoku described most Internet relationships as “infatuation”, adding: “if they lead to marriage, they are not likely to last”. An Islamic cleric, Sheik Abdulraheem Abata says: “The location or meeting place of would-be couples, either in a place of worship, holiday resort or other social gatherings, may not be the real determinant of their future happiness”.
Abata, who is The Chief Missioner, Ansarul-L-Islam Society of Nigeria,however warned that “God cherishes an affection built on truthfulness, love, dedication, strong loyalty and happiness”.
Many observers believe that lack of personal contact has distinct disadvantages.
“The Bible encourages us to focus on a persons inner qualities; the problem is that in a computer relationship, it is impossible to observe gestures, smiles, or countenance.
“You cannot see how he or she treats others or behaves under pressure. Such things are critical in determining if he or she is someone you can come to trust and love,” says Pastor Mike Obiakor of a new generation church based in Lagos.
According to Obiakor, the Bible says love should be defined by behaviour, not words. “It is therefore, necessary to take the time to observe a person to see if his or her actions and words match yours,” he warns.
Observers stress that rushing into a relationship when the two people involved know little about each other is unwise.
They agree with the legendary William Shakespeare — “Hasty marriages seldom proveth well”.
(NANFeatures)