Is anger the best approach to marital issues?

Where is the wisdom when a woman decides to call her husband’s mistress over a misunderstanding she has with him at home? This was a the logical question I and a group of friends asked a lady who narrated what she was going through at home to us. “I don’t work, so most times I […]

Where is the wisdom when a woman decides to call her husband’s mistress over a misunderstanding she has with him at home? This was a the logical question I and a group of friends asked a lady who narrated what she was going through at home to us. “I don’t work, so most times I depend on my husband for some of my basic needs. Most times when I ask him for money, he says he doesn’t have. Last week out of anger, I called his girlfriend and poured the whole anger on her. Now he wants me to apologise to her before he gives me money.”
“Did calling the girlfriend solve the problem?” asked Amaka Ikechukwu, a 37-year-old teacher. “Women need to manage anger. I blame her for calling the other woman. But for the husband to his wife to call his mistress and apologise is way out of line. She has already made the mistake of calling but she should never make a second mistake of calling and apologising.”
Joseph Onyegbule, a 39-year-old technician says the whole anger management issue is a two-way thing. “Both spouses have anger management issues. The wife was angry and made a mistake and he made a greater mistake by asking her to call his mistress and apologise. I know what my wife stands for and not matter what; I don’t confront her anger issues with mine. We all know women can do unimaginable things when angry. Asking her to call your mistress will only aggravate it.”
Hauwa Abbas, 40, is an entrepreneur. She feels it was the highest point of disrespect for a wife to behave that way. “The real issue to tackle is the husband’s infidelity, and not by calling his girlfriend. By doing so she already gave the lady recognition and that’s why her husband had the nerve to tell her to call and apologise. She had no respect for herself, and if she did she would not call the other woman no matter what. The issue of infidelity should be tackled in a civilised manner, not with acts of anger and irrationality which would compound an already bad situation.”
Marriage Counsellor, Mrs. Chika Emmanuel, says it’s not only men that behave like kids, “Women do, too. I will like to ask, did she call the mistress so that she will give her the money or was it simply to get back at her husband? I believe wisdom is the solution to every problem. And the problem here is her husband’s extra-marital activities, which she should tackle first.” She also stressed that anger management is very important in marriage as misunderstandings and other issues will come up. “How you manage your anger is what matters, because it would help or jeopardize the situation,” she said. “When you have issues with your husband, resolve them amicably. When a woman is not financially independent, she gets disrespected by her man, even though this cannot be said of all men.  I’d advise that having your own income no matter how small will go a long way in solving some of these anger issues that arise out of frustration, freeing you up to tackle important ones like a partner’s infidelity.”