Is distance the way out of marital problems?

“Each time we have a serious misunderstanding, he asks me to leave his room. I will leave but return anytime I notice he is no longer angry.  He has resorted to using this strategy with the slightest provocation. I have decided to continue to sleep in my room permanently. Besides that, I have decided to […]

“Each time we have a serious misunderstanding, he asks me to leave his room. I will leave but return anytime I notice he is no longer angry.  He has resorted to using this strategy with the slightest provocation. I have decided to continue to sleep in my room permanently. Besides that, I have decided to travel with my kids to Europe and be based there, while he lives here alone and visits when he can. I feel distance marriage would be better. Please advise me.”
Aisha Mustapha, a 36-year-old media practitioner, asked: “Does she have another husband in Europe or is moving to Europe the solution to her problem? She needs to face the drama and stop being as childish as her husband. I thought they say marriage is for better or for worse. For better or for worse distance marriage isn’t the best option.”
Halima Ibrahim, a 38-year-old economist, said: “Couples do have misunderstandings, but being in an abusive marriage is a no no for me. On the other hand no one has ever being in a distance relationship and had good tales to tell. I will advise her not to start what she cannot finish. Marriage issues should be settled amicably among couples.”
Thirty-seven-year-old lawyer Amina Bello frowns at a couple sleeping in separate bedrooms: “All this his room, my room matter is what is bringing less communication among couples. Why should a married couple have separate rooms? Couples should understand that things will never work out well among them if they have separate rooms. It’s the first step to disaster in a marriage. As for leaving for Europe, she shouldn’t complain when he takes a second wife. Why would she want to run away from her problems instead of facing them realistically?”
Damilola Badmus, a 38-year-old Journalist, says: “Sleeping in separate rooms is not a bad idea, it gives each partner a room for a lesser dependency and offers them their desired respect but then they should never allow it to change anything between them. Personally, I don’t believe in distant marriage because it will affect many things negatively. The presence of a man is needed in the daily upbringing of the children and maintaining his position as the head of the family. I will advise her not to take a drastic decision because of a little issue unless she really thinks that is the only way out of the abusive relationship.”
Thirty-six-year-old teacher, Agnes Chris is of the opinion that if she wants a long-distance marriage and feels that it will have great benefit to her then she could go ahead and have it. “Her children should come first and if having a long-distance marriage is what it takes to keep herself and her children safe then she should go ahead. I don’t know why women see themselves as slaves to men.  Women deserve to be happy too,” she said.
Sarah Ibrahim, a 38-year-old pharmacist, also wonders why couples these days do the room separation thing: “Why do people adopt the separate room thing? During our parents’ time they were so happy together on a mat in a one room apartment mud house. The world has gone crazy! I will advise her to go back to the room and make it hers permanently. When next he asks her to leave she should ignore him, he should be the one to leave the room instead.”
Marriage counsellor Pastor Mrs. Chika Emmanuel says long-distance marriage is not an option to resolve marital issues. “Don’t create space for things to get sour by opting for distance marriage. The moment she leaves she can be rest assured that she has lost him totally,” she says.
Emmanuel adds that: “Secondly, the idea of leaving his room and going to your room should stop; his room is your room, sleep there. A story I was once told by elders is that when a woman sleeps in a separate room from her husband, he gradually slips off her hand.
“Thirdly, since she knows the kind of temper her husband has, she should try not to talk back to him when he is angry, instead she should pacify him to calm down and after the quarrel you can tell him where he is faulty. Going with the kids to live without him is the worst decision any woman can ever make. Most importantly, no one brags about long-distance marriage, so she had better think twice.”