Is it love…or over-protectiveness?

It is a natural thing to protect our children. However, some mothers undertaking this singular but important assignment do it to the extreme. For reasons best known to some mothers, they somewhat always ‘detain’ their kids. Detain in the sense that in keeping the child indoors and not allowing them to join their peers to […]

It is a natural thing to protect our children. However, some mothers undertaking this singular but important assignment do it to the extreme. For reasons best known to some mothers, they somewhat always ‘detain’ their kids. Detain in the sense that in keeping the child indoors and not allowing them to join their peers to play. That is an infringement on the child’s right. When kids do not mingle with their age-mates, the withdrawn types not only become timid, but even unsociable.

Some mothers go to the extent of not letting their kids do any household chores, over-pamper them with gifts, some needless and out of place. An overprotective mom shields her child from consequences of his/her own actions, never allowing him/her to fail, even when it might be healthy the child’s personal growth.

Malama Salamatu Hafeez, an Abuja-based housewife, said: “Kids become so used to the protection and concern accorded them by their mothers that if and when they face trouble or difficulties, they are not able to tackle and come out of it successfully. It has been seen that the case of overprotective mothers happens more in the case of boys than girls. Be it a boy or girl, being an overprotective mother is not conducive to the personality development of the child. Most times, I allow my kids get themselves out of any situation they put or find themselves in, who knows tomorrow I might not be there for them.”

Some people are of the belief that an overprotective mother is all that stands between a child and self-destruction. They fail to realize that they send a message to the child that he/she cannot do or handle anything on his/her own. If not, how come a mother still takes decision for mature children? We tend to protect our children so much that we do not realize that there are some lessons in life they need to learn on their own. The best thing – certainly not the easiest – is to step back and let them live their lives and only be there to assist whenever the need arises.

“No matter how hard we try or the extreme lengths you may go to protect our kids, it is almost impossible to create a completely safe environment for them,” says Muhammed Ahmed, a father of three, who says children need to learn from their own mistakes.

Being over-protective has negative effects, as the child is never able to fully mature, because he is always on the lookout for someone to depend on. The child also will never be able to shoulder responsibilities, because being a child he has never been given responsibility or held accountable for anything. If you are an over-protective mum, you should try to change your attitude, if you want your kids to grow up as independent and confident adults.

But Hajiya Latifa Rasheed, a public relations practitioner, said: “Parents are here to raise children to become individuals that make positive contribution to the society. How can these children become these individuals if their parents do not let them see society or even make choices about them? Yes, they might commit faults a couple of times, but you know what? Let them learn from their mistakes.”

Find a happy medium with your kids, make them aware of the dangers of the real world, but do not make them terrified to figure things out on their own, or they will remain naïve forever. You’ll only make things tougher, making your child weaker, by not letting them deal with the everyday hurdles of life. Letting go is a hard thing to do, but helping our kids find their independence at an appropriate age is a price worthy of the tag.