Is it shameful taking one’s ex-husband to court?

I noticed that majority of them were young women, approximately from 17 to 25 years. Many of the women were carrying infants on their backs and laps. As I listened to the discussions going on among the women, I realized that almost all of them had filed a case against their husbands.  I discovered as […]

I noticed that majority of them were young women, approximately from 17 to 25 years.

Many of the women were carrying infants on their backs and laps. As I listened to the discussions going on among the women, I realized that almost all of them had filed a case against their husbands.  I discovered as I listened more that all the cases were about shouldering  responsibilities.
One of them whose mother was sitting close to me was at the court because after being divorced with a three months pregnancy, the husband did not care to look back again and now that she has given birth through caesarean section, he still could not give a single penny to foot the hospital bills or to provide all the things needed by the mother and the newborn.
 He could not buy the ram for giving the child a name; it was the girl’s father that provided the ram. The baby was 27 days old that day that they were in the court.
In fact the most pathetic part of it was that the victim; who might not be above 17 years was still visiting the hospital to dress wound sustained from the CS. She could not sit on the benches lined up at the court because of weakness.  She just sat on the bare floor.
She looked pale and frail and when she was asked to go and see the judge in his chamber, she was hobbling due to weakness and the apparent lack of sufficient food in her.
At the other side of the benches was the husband whom I learnt is a school teacher. He was looking hale and hearty and as he waited for the judge’s arrival, he went to the mother in-law who was holding the baby to collect the baby from her, probably to see him for the first time. I watched as he keenly fixed his eyes on the baby.
As we discussed the issue with the women later, some were of the view that men nowadays are not marrying with the intention of keeping the wives for life but just to satisfy their carnal desire. They added that because of the wrong motive, as soon as the wives get pregnant, they device all means available to provoke the women so that such provocation could lead to divorce and after divorcing, they forget about the women and what they are carrying.
However, despite the condition her daughter was in, the mother of the lady who was sitting close to me was looking worried because she considered their coming to court as shameful.  I heard her saying if the ex-husband had heeded the advice given to him at the hisbah board, they wouldn’t have taken him to court. She was seeing the action they had taken as something shameful and uncouth.
Investigation by The Home Front has revealed that because of the influence of culture, many women are suffering as a result of the nonchalant attitude of their ex-husbands. Many are suffering with children because the fathers have refused to shoulder their responsibilities and the women are ashamed to sue them to court.
A victim of this kind of divorce who wouldn’t want her name in print disclosed how she was neglected after she was divorced with a one month pregnancy. Still after giving birth the husband could not do anything. It was her parents that did everything for her and the child.
She added that when she thought of taking him to court, her father opposed it and vowed to curse her if she insisted, “His reason was that it was shameful and disgraceful to his family, thus he would not allow anything that would tarnish his family name.”
Due to this cultural influence, the children of these broken homes in many cases grow up without good education because, while the maternal grandparents cannot sponsor the education of the children either due to poverty or annoyance, they could not also take an action that will make the father of a child to shoulder his responsibility even if it means they have to take him to court.
The question is, should a woman be forced to shoulder a responsibility that is not hers because of culture?
Malam Khaleed Iman, a school teacher and a writer based in Kano, said it was wrong allowing women to shoulder the responsibilities that are not theirs. He said a woman in Islam is put permanently under the care of a man; he could be her father, her husband, her brother or even her son, “So when even on her  person she is not allowed to cater for herself, how would one expect her to shoulder additional responsibilities?” He queried.
He added that society should assist a person that is cheating by stopping him from cheating as taught by Islam and this they could do, “Through admonition. He should be contacted politely and be asked to shoulder his responsibility. If he refuses to heed their advice, they should contact his elders and if it also fails, they should involve the elders in the community or take him to Hisbah board,” he said.
He added that court should be the last resort, “I’m not advising them to start with the court because going to court entails a lot of things. Sometimes one has to take a lawyer and where they are not having the wherewithal of taking a lawyer, they might easily lose the case. So court should only be the last resort.”
Iman further stressed that if after all efforts the husband proves to be obstinate, the woman’s parent should not hesitate to take him to court and they should not see their action as shameful.
Commenting in the same vein, a senior lecturer at the department of Islamic Law, Faculty of Law Bayero University, Kano Dr Usman Zunnurain said when a man divorces his wife and she is pregnant, he should be made to cater for her and if she gives birth, he should also be made to cater for the mother and the child and if he refuses legal action should be taken against him.
He noted that taking a stubborn husband to court so that the law would force him to shoulder his responsibilities should not be seen as a shameful act because the law is after protecting the rights of people and rights are not to be forfeited for whatever reason.