Is Kogi from North-south? A damaging case of nerves

My focus during the interview (which I shared with fellow panellists) was to identify candidates who were willing to improve themselves professionally. The inexorable decay in our schools has made it nearly impossible to find the right candidate to fill a position; making it necessary to hire only teachable people who would grow and develop […]

My focus during the interview (which I shared with fellow panellists) was to identify candidates who were willing to improve themselves professionally. The inexorable decay in our schools has made it nearly impossible to find the right candidate to fill a position; making it necessary to hire only teachable people who would grow and develop on the job.
Therefore, while others were asking questions such as “tell us about yourself,” I was given to asking questions which some of the interviewees might have thought weird.  For example, I wanted to know what book they were reading. You can easily tell what kind of person a candidate is from the book s/he is reading or if s/he reads at all.
Many of them didn’t expect my questions, so they needed time to gather their thoughts, which is OK.  In doing that, a lady wanted to know if I meant the book she was “reading currently.”
I joked, “No, the one you’re reading previously!”  The general laughter helped to calm her down somewhat.  
However, a certain lady’s behaviour still befuddles me up until now. When she mentioned her name, I asked if she was from South West.  She answered no, “I’m from Kogi State.” Still joking to help ease the tension, I followed up: “And which region of Nigeria is that?” She paused.  This is OK too.  In fact I advise that for every question asked, one should pause for two full seconds before answering. This does not only give you time to collect your thoughts, it also gives you charisma, according to Olivia Fox Cabane, author of The Charisma Myth.
Even so, it appeared that this lady didn’t know which of the six regions to which Kogi belong; and she wouldn’t hazard a guess!  After some back and forth, she appeared to articulate “North-south.”
That she didn’t know the answer to that question, I couldn’t believe.  So I excused her by allowing that it must be nervousness, which can be a damaging killer of opportunities. But the problem is easily solved through a simple breathing technique called square breathing. Following is what Adrii Sedniev (author of The Magic of Impromptu Speaking) wrote about it on his blog magicofpublicspeaking.com.
A few years ago I met my friend John right after his interview with the New York office of one of the biggest financial companies in the world. I still remember a strange feeling when I opened the door of the coffee house and noticed him staring at the cup. “Something went wrong!”
“Hi, John. I have never seen you so depressed. What happened?”
“They didn’t take me…. Do you know what the interviewer said? He said, my experience was a perfect fit, but I was too nervous during the entire interview. Andrii, joining this company was my dream for the last 5 years. I can’t believe that this stupid nervousness made me fail at achieving my dream. I feel so miserable!”
“John, you definitely should try the “square breathing” technique. I use it when I am nervous before coming on stage in front of the audience. It is more than 1,000 years old, and many psychologists consider it the most effective one to calm down the anxiety before an important job interview, speech, or negotiation. You can do this technique at any time, in any place, and it only takes 5 minutes.”
“Andrii. Sounds enticing.”
“John, you might have noticed that when you are calm, and when you are nervous your breathing is different. Square breathing technique will quickly calm you down by changing a pattern of your breathing and blocking your negative thoughts.
The biggest secret of “square breathing” technique is that you need to break your breathing into 4 equal parts. Inhale-Pause-Exhale-Pause. For example, you inhale for 3 seconds, hold your breath for 3 seconds, exhale for 3 seconds, hold your breath for 3 seconds, and then repeat the entire cycle.
The state of complete calmness that you will achieve in about 5 minutes has 2 main benefits. Firstly, your interviewer will feel much more comfortable talking to you. Secondly, your mind won’t be blocked by negative thoughts, and you will think on your feet much more effectively.”
2 months after this conversation, I received a call from John: “Hi, Andrii. I just need to share something with you. Remember our conversation at the coffee house?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, two weeks ago I managed to get an interview with the Chicago office of the same company. Guess what? I was so nervous again sitting in the lobby of the company office and waiting for my name to be called. To be honest, when you first told me about “square breathing” technique I didn’t take it seriously and almost forgot about it. But that day in the lobby a thought popped up in my mind: “I just need to do something about my nervousness. Otherwise, I will definitely fail like last time. I’ll give this square breathing technique a chance.” After 5 minutes, I completely calmed down and talked to the interviewer just like I talk now to you. Do you know what the interviewer said? He said that my experience is the perfect fit for their company, and I have awesome communication skills. This Monday is my first working day at the Chicago office!”
Now, every time I talk with John on the phone and he tells me about his upcoming presentation, important negotiations, or meeting I ask: “John, are you nervous?” And John loudly breathes in his headset. It’s our ritual.
If you have stage fright, just breathe for 5 minutes using “square breathing technique” before your speech and maybe somebody in the audience will think: “This speaker is very confident and has excellent communication skills. This speech is so interesting.”