Is marriage becoming obsolete?

For Roseline however, it’s not all about freedom and convenience. Like in all of life’s situations, she says she is sometimes disappointed with her lifestyle and the fact that she somehow feels cheated and abused by her boyfriend.“When I bought my Honda ‘End of Discussion’ (Car) it was my boyfriend that was driving it because […]

For Roseline however, it’s not all about freedom and convenience. Like in all of life’s situations, she says she is sometimes disappointed with her lifestyle and the fact that she somehow feels cheated and abused by her boyfriend.
“When I bought my Honda ‘End of Discussion’ (Car) it was my boyfriend that was driving it because I did not know how to drive. But he uses the car, which is always with him, as a ploy to get me to his house even when I don’t want to,” she said.
Many singles both male and female in the country, like Helen, are opting to remain unmarried because they find better fulfillment in their status. Some of them point at the stresses and inconveniences associated with marriage as the discouraging factor.
The question is have the rapid rate of modernity and the attendant pursuit of the good life by the youths consigned marriage to a relationship that is no longer desired and therefore obsolete?
Mrs Helen Okoronkwo, a business woman believes the times have changed in all ramifications, including marriage.
“In the 50s and 60s, people married in sets at young age. Then in the eastern part, girls who attain the age of 15 years, and are in the stage of  puberty, are usually married off. But nowadays a girl at such stage would probably still be in school to acquire skills that will enable her participate more actively in the society,” she said.
Okoronkwo’s position captures the norm in traditional African society. Then, marriage was the acceptable form of relationship. Beside the need to acquire good education, several factors have been identified by respondents as responsible for many youths viewing marriage as either optional or totally obsolete.
Some of these factors are mainly economic and social factors.
According to Godwin David, a journalist, “The cost of living for families in Nigeria today is very high so young men prefer to marry working class ladies, who are not easily available. Because of the economy there is the fear that ‘if I am married I cannot be able to cope; I cannot take care of the home’. While on the part of the ladies, they set standards to marry already made persons. They will say: ‘I have suffered from my family, I don’t want to go and suffer a second time.’ Men avoid them when they give this kind of red flag and you see them begin to age and by the time they are old they begin to desire marriage,” he said.
For Sanusi, the marriage institution is still intact in Nigeria because there are still good girls. But he adds that the ‘good girls’ are scarce in the cities unlike in the ‘villages’.
“In Abuja or other big cities, you see these girls moving around. When you see 15 year olds, what she can do is more than a 20 year old. So a lot of men prefer to marry from their villages. These girls in the cities are not even ready to marry because they are after enjoying their lives. Even those that marry, you see them while in their husband’s house still doing what they do as singles. So this scares suitors from girls in this category,” he explained.  
Olayemi Musa, a marriage counselor  said social expectation, economic issues especially the growing income gap has now forced many women to work outside the home, adding that  declining religious and faith values, contraception and divorce rate have contributed to lowering the attachment to the marriage institution in our society.
Extrapolating further on the factors listed above she said: “Women like these beauty queens believe that marriage and child bearing could affect the way they look. Their breast may sag. Secondly many working ladies feel they have achieved certain heights in life that they cannot be under a man.”
She believes that with the use of contraceptives, many women are more in control of their reproductive life adding, “You know that some women are scared of child bearing. As a Christian, I believe in the commandment to ‘go into the world and multiply’. So if I am not married how do I reproduce?”
Exploring the religious angle further, Imam Abdullahi Imam, a Muslim cleric in Abuja  said marriage is compulsory in Islam except the individual has sexual incapacity   due to ill-health, poverty or “have no need to raise a family.”
Despite these religious explanations on marriage, the internet is replete with several reasons why people should not marry. Some of these reasons adduced centre on the negative outcomes of marriage which have already been highlighted.
Sociologists believe that individual’s behavioural traits and choices are the function of their overall sociologically training. Thus, at the end of it all it is the individual that makes the decisions in life. And part of these is whether to enter marriage, defer or avoid it outright.