Is marriage now a bachelors’ nightmare?

Scholars from the Islamic law perspective say one of the minimum requirements for a Muslim marriage is that the groom must be able to provide housing, clothing, food and maintenance for the bride; and in return, the bride’s main responsibility is obedience to her husband.In a typical northern Nigerian society, children (both male and female) […]

Scholars from the Islamic law perspective say one of the minimum requirements for a Muslim marriage is that the groom must be able to provide housing, clothing, food and maintenance for the bride; and in return, the bride’s main responsibility is obedience to her husband.
In a typical northern Nigerian society, children (both male and female) are usually married off after reaching puberty, which is called (auren fari).Before now, it is the responsibility of the father to provide his son with accommodation and capital to start a business that will enable him to shoulder the responsibility of his wife.
However, observers believe that this trend changed following the coming of the colonialists with their different way of life. These days, most youths have to go through long processes of acquiring formal education, and endless struggle  to secure a job before  getting married.
With the deteriorating economic situation in the country and the expensive nature of marriage these days, youths in northern Nigeria find it very difficult to get married early.
“This is basically why we have increased social vices in the society because youths cannot afford to take wives,” Mallam yahaya, a lecturer in the Department of Mass Communication, University of Maiduguri observed.
He said in Borno, Bauchi, Adamawa, Gombe, Kaduna and most northern Nigerian cities and villages, a heavy burden is being put on men that are soliciting for the hands of girls for marriage.
 “How on earth would you tell a young man to produce a set of five boxes with clothes before you give him your daughter,” he asked.
Yahaya decried the culture of buying hundreds of clothes of the same colour for the families and friends of the bride (Aso-ebi) preparatory to wedding. “This is a scandalous and frightening trend,” he said.
Some people believe that western culture came with some disadvantage especially in the area of adulterating our values.
Mallam Yusuf Idris, a civil servant with the Borno State Government observed that modernity has made marriage a nightmare for the youth.
“There is a trend of competitiveness, especially among the ladies, whereby each of them would want her wedding to be spectacular and flamboyant; with sets of boxes filled with textile material and jewelries; modern house, and also a car, to mention a few not considering whether the man she is going to marry is financially strong or not.
“These things, I believed scare the man from getting married on time,” he added.
Imam of a mosque in Pompomari Federal low-cost, Maiduguri  Malam Abdullahi Muhammad said “Too much exposure to western culture by these ladies makes men to doubt whether they (women) would be submissive to them and recognize them as the head of the family. These also contributes to late marriage in our society,”
Most security men who spoke to me in UNIMAID attribute their inability to get married early to high cost of marriage and many innovations that come with it.
“Low income earners like me would find it difficult to marry these days due to the procedure involved,” Bana Mohammed complained.
Jamila Suleiman, an English graduate of the University of Maiduguri (UNIMAID), says women are not the only culprits in delayed marriage.
“I think most of the complaints attributed to ladies such as compelling their husbands to do so many unnecessary things are true but then, men have their problems as well, many are too paranoid to get married due to lack of lucrative job, money etc,” she said.
“Despite money matters in every day of our survival, I don’t believe that a man must be rich before I can get married, but at least he must be doing something to be able to shoulder my responsibilities,” She said in defense of the women folk.
Miss Helen Wakawa, a student of UNIMAID believes it makes little sense for someone to marry at an early stage if his or her future is not assured. “Right now I am not married because for me marriage is about consolidation and love not age,” she said.
Observers believe that northern societies must have to go back to the basics and moderate processes of marriage so that young men would be able to get married and become responsible.

Ibrahim writes from the Department of political science, University of Maiduguri.