Is single motherhood a death sentence?

I don’t know if you agree with me but this has to stop. Yes, the rejection and denial faced by single mums. As if the troubles and challenges of raising a child singlehandedly are not enough. There seems to be a whole lot of negative beliefs about single mums, especially young ladies who had kids […]

I don’t know if you agree with me but this has to stop. Yes, the rejection and denial faced by single mums. As if the troubles and challenges of raising a child singlehandedly are not enough.
There seems to be a whole lot of negative beliefs about single mums, especially young ladies who had kids at a tender age. After going through resentment from disappointed family, judgmental friends and neighbours, when the time comes for her to get married, the prospective mother in-law would disagree. Why, just because she has a child?
The question is, ‘Are single mothers not human? Can’t she have a normal life? Are children not blessings from God? Don’t people deserve second chances, especially if they are willing to make amends? What if the lady is your daughter, would you wish she remained single for the rest of her life?
Commenting on the issue, Hurera Abubakar, a 40-year-old medical doctor, says: “As a mother and wife, I still feel drained looking after my son despite the help I get from hubby and relations. This makes me wonder how single mothers fare without any help and yet when they come out, people give them this look of disdain making them feel worthless. This is not to say I am encouraging women to get pregnant out of wedlock but on the other hand why are we so quick to judge without even knowing her story?”
Victoria Omatayo, a 39-year-old civil servant, says: “To even think that some ladies found themselves in such situations because they were raped and still went ahead to have the children and love them. Not all single mothers deserve negative comments from us. We should encourage those that found themselves in the situation because they were raped; being a single mother isn’t easy at all.”
She adds that: “There is an adage in Igbo language that says ‘when one finger comes in contact with palm oil, it will stain the others.’ It is the bad ones among them that cause this challenge. But it’s wrong to treat them that way because some are victims of different situations.”
Hajiya Marayam Abdullahi, a marriage counsellor, notes however that it all depends on how a woman sees herself. “If a single mum is waiting for validation from everyone before she sees herself as being worthy then she will be waiting a long time,” she remarked. “It’s just that most single mums allow the opinions of people to be much stronger than the opinion God has of them.”
Abdullahi advises single mums to appreciate that they are worthy and that they have the strength to raise their kid (s) whether the man is there or not: “I will advise single mums to be strong for their children because the destiny of your children is not in the hands of your critics but God and you.”
It is more decent to bring the child into the world and care for him than dump him in the gutter or kill him. Being a single mum is a big responsibility. Get to know them before judging them; put yourself in their shoes so you can feel the pain they go through to get their lives back on track.