Is social networking the new face of marriage?

As we evolve, so has technology. Since the rise of smart phones, the lives of many have also drastically changed for the better and some for the worse. No doubt gadgets have positive roles to play in our lives, as they make our jobs easier and faster when we have to work away from the […]

As we evolve, so has technology. Since the rise of smart phones, the lives of many have also drastically changed for the better and some for the worse. No doubt gadgets have positive roles to play in our lives, as they make our jobs easier and faster when we have to work away from the office. But then, they’re gradually taking over our lives, and to a greater disadvantage, taking over homes. Even relationships are gradually being affected addiction to smart phones and other gadgets by husbands, wives and even children.  Many are in one way or the other guilty of this. 
A husband the other day complained about how his wife is always on her iPad or Blackberry Z10 chatting with friends, updating her status on Facebook and posting photos on Instagram. He said: “These things have become her major focus in life; she is on it all day and only has time for me if I ask her to do something for me. At night she is busy chatting and laughing out with whomever she must be chatting with. Her devices are the last things she sees at night and the first things she touches even before she tells me good morning. If I must say, she is married to her gadgets and not me. With the way things are going she can’t do without her smart phones but she can surely do a number of days without me. The technology revolution is a revolution against men and there seems to be no way out.” 
How many of us are guilty of this? The views of many would suggest that there are many offender, especially women. One Mrs. Helen Atureta, when asked, nodded confirming the negative trend, saying that the technology ‘takeover’ is taking a different dimension in matrimonial homes. She went on to explain how smart phones caused a huge quarrel between a couple she knows. “Gadgets need to be banned from homes, especially bedrooms. Bedrooms are meant for couples and not for chatting. With this kind of attitude, couples will be forced to sleep with backs turned, ignoring each other, enjoying chats and games on their individual smart phones,” Mrs. Atureta said.
Suleiman Aminu finds it detesting and disrespectful for any partner to pay more attention to smart phones. “I consider it detestable that couples would be engaged with their phones indiscriminately. As much as the world of internet and hand-held devices have brought the world closer to us, couples must learn to be disciplined in their use of phones. I personally cannot stand it. My take is that couples should have ground rules in their use of phones at home and quality time should be dedicated to family bonding. It could be very annoying talking to your spouse while he/she is pinging, tweeting, Instagraming or Facebooking away without paying attention to whatever you might be saying. The annoying thing is that not only the partner is ignored or pushed aside but sometimes children are the worst-hit as they lose the love they need in their lives, because their mum was busy on Facebook.”
Grace Udie-Anahnot, until when asked the question, hadn’t realised the damage smart phones could be causing her relationships. “I actually have not really looked at it that way until now. I would say I am guilty. Actually there is really no quality time because whatever quality time we have to spend I already spent it on social media. It must have been hurtful for my partner,” she said.
For Anuoluwapo Ibirinde, she and her partner have resolved when and how to use the smart phones in their marriage. “My man and I don’t use our phones whenever we’re together. Phones are for office hours only. It is our rule that once we are home social networking is prohibited. Whatever news we need to get via social media we get watching the local or international news. It is a tough rule we sometimes break but at least we make sure that our lives are not all about social media. If it was, that would be the foundation for matrimonial destruction. And then I would have to update my Facebook status as ‘complicated’,” she said with a grin.
Marriage Counsellor Pastor Mrs. Chika E. Nwaugo thinks it is a dangerous trend that couples, especially woman, are neck-deep into. She said: “It is amazing how wives and husbands alike have friends of the opposite sex that are unknown to their partners and they keep chatting with them even while at home neglecting their partners. The revolution in technology is considered a blessing but these days it might as well be a curse to relationships. In the olden days, couples share quality time by watching a favourite programme on television but now technology is replacing partners. There is an urgent need for couples to turn away from such habits. If anyone needs to spend time with friends, they can organise a picnic. Social media after work hours, if need be, should be for single people.”