Is yelling at your kids worth the trouble?

Which parent doesn’t shout at their children? We mostly do. But how healthy or helpful are the shouts – and even screams – we frequently throw at our children? Rarely do we have parents, especially mums, who manage to keep cool and calm in situations where children are exhibiting naughty behaviour. Shouting at children, according […]

Which parent doesn’t shout at their children? We mostly do. But how healthy or helpful are the shouts – and even screams – we frequently throw at our children? Rarely do we have parents, especially mums, who manage to keep cool and calm in situations where children are exhibiting naughty behaviour.
Shouting at children, according to a recent study by psychiatrists at a hospital affiliated to Harvard Medical School, can significantly and permanently alter the structure of their brains.
A kid’s health publication in its recent publication, says there are times when being too stern like yelling regularly for minor offenses, can backfire. Kids can become immune to parents’ overblown reactions and fail to take them seriously. If you feel yourself getting into this habit, take a deep breath before responding to your child’s behaviour and ask yourself, “Am I about to overreact?” If so, walk away for a few minutes and come back when you’ve calmed down.
Halima Muhammadu, 35, is a doctor and she says sometimes yelling at children works, but also agrees that sometimes it kills the zeal and confidence of children when used excessively. “Yelling worked for my siblings and I because of the strict measures my parents took. So yes, yelling sometimes helps, but can turn out to be dangerous if applied wrongly.”
Nancy Etim, a 33-year-old teacher says: “I agree yelling isn’t always the right way to go when cautioning children, but you can agree with me that parents, especially with mothers and their children, it is only official they shout to prove they are in charge. Children can make their parents go gaga. The worst part is screaming and having a headache in return. Funny enough, the dad doesn’t have to scream and his orders are instantly obeyed. When children get used to their mum’s yelling, screaming and spanking, they don’t fear the outcome. What amazes me is how mummy’s several screams equals daddy’s one firm statement.”
Uloma Chikezu, a 38-year-old mother of five says she’s sure her neighbours have tagged her as a crazy woman who screams all day long. “I also thank God they’re Nigerians, if not I’m sure social workers would have been called to take my children away by now. My boys drive me nuts and I have to keep threatening to spank them when the shouts don’t work. As it is, I’ll likely keep shouting but will try to restrict it to major offences. Shouting has become a part of training children in our part of the world. Without it, children will turn out to be something else.”
Hadiza Bello, 35, is a physician who believes shouting at children pushes them towards negativity. “I used to shout, until one day I noticed my little boy shouting at me when he needed to explain something. If he wants to explain stuff, he shouts and he hasn’t started talking properly yet. I had no other option than to stop.”
Evelyn Peter, a social welfare officer in Abuja says parents should consider that when they yell, they’re training their children to believe that they aren’t serious until they raise their voices. “Parents should learn to talk to their children with love and care instead of verbal abuse and raised voices,” she said. Shouting at kids is often bracketed with smacking them, but for many it’s an alternative. But when does shouting turn into bullying or verbal abuse? It’s partly a matter of degree and ratio.  If the yells aren’t done in a moderate way and as a way of caution, it could be destructive, especially if the age of the child is not considered. So, ask yourself: Is shouting at your child worth the headache?