Is your boy getting the right priorities?

The birth of the 3rd heir to the British throne was welcomed by many across the world. What really captivated me was a proxy twitter handle allegedly belonging to the queen which read thus “It’s a boy, the succession to the Throne is secured.” What ran through my mind instantly was ‘would the succession to […]

The birth of the 3rd heir to the British throne was welcomed by many across the world. What really captivated me was a proxy twitter handle allegedly belonging to the queen which read thus “It’s a boy, the succession to the Throne is secured.” What ran through my mind instantly was ‘would the succession to the throne be given up if Prince William and Kate Middleton had given birth to a girl?’ There was so much talk about the new baby pushing his uncle, Prince Harry, one step back from the pecking order, a situation that would have been different with the birth of a girl.
Apparently, it’s not just an African mentality for parents to prefer male child to female; it seems to be a global thing. Back home in Nigeria, a woman may give birth to as many babies as possible, but she would still be considered incomplete if none of the babies is male. Indeed lack of a male child is seen as a curse by many, with women coming under pressure for their inability to bring forth someone ‘that will keep the family name.’
One thing that we fail to understand, or know but choose to ignore, is that fact that it is the Almighty that grants children, male or female, to whom He wills, just as He makes some barren. But people are blinded by their own caprices.
The preference of male child over a female one is so prevalent that in China, the peasants have a saying: “The birth of a boy is welcomed with shouts of joy and firecrackers, but when a girl is born, the neighbors say nothing.” In India, too, until recently, billboard messages promised: “Invest 500 (rupees) now and save 50,000 later,” encouraging prospective parents to abort female fetuses in order to avoid future dowry expenses.
Many women believe that a son will be better than a daughter as a first child, because he will garner strong standing in her in-laws, and secure her future as a wife in the family. Married sons are usually expected to live with aging their parents and provide them with financial support, while women get absorbed into their husband’s household.
It is also a fact that some women never feel secured in their matrimonial homes until they are able to give birth to a male child, a reality that irks Mrs Bello O. Bisola. She asks rhetorically: “Who says the more number of male children you have will give you security and enhance your chances of remaining as the only wife in your husband’s house? I know of a lady who had four sons, but that still didn’t stop her husband from courting other women. It also did not save the woman from the tantrums of her mother-in-law at the slightest provocation. The man goes out with all his boys and leaves her at home.”
Speaking further, Mrs. Bisola says she used to tease her neighbour saying that her prayers for boys have backfired. If you had prayed for a girl, she would have been there to comfort you, no matter what. And I ask, where is it written or said that a female child cannot do whatever a male child is doing or even better?”
Most women over-pamper their male children, thereby by denying them to chance to see and understand life. We have several instances where mothers show open preference to the male children and ignoring the girls.
Most mothers make the mistake of over indulging their boys even when they are old enough to start fending for themselves. They do everything for the boy from laundry to other household chores. He is never reprimanded even when he did something wrong that requires correction. The mothers carry on picking everything up without even a caution thereby sending a message that it is alright for him to carry on with his nonchalant attitude, while others take care of his mess.
Aisha Auta Bello, a civil servant, says “mothers most times destroy their sons without even realizing it. They allow him to have his way in whatever he does even if it has negative consequences. This happens especially when the boy child has been anticipated for long and he finally came. That boy automatically becomes the king of the house. His mistreatment and rude behavior towards women is overlooked and laughed off. But it is not so for the child, as he is being groomed to be excessively manly and try to have his way with others no matter what. The earlier the better mothers take note of this negative trend the better.”
Mothers should raise their sons in a way that they could be able to provide for themselves and their families in the future and also be responsible. “These days, parents don’t see training of the boy child from a positive perspective. They give the child pocket money and even when he is well over eighteen years of age, when he should learn to be prudent with money, he still goes about being extravagant in his dealings in life. Parents should train their boys to earn and manage money from an early age. No matter how humbly or little he might earn, he will always treasure the essence of life and how to help people of the less privilege” says Hajiya Jamila Ibrahim.
For all mothers of boys out there, they should learn to stop using words like ‘he is a boy and will always get his way, I cannot stop him’. Raise him to be a more caring, considerate and loving son, who will one day be an asset to his home as head of the family. Serving and pampering him even when he disobeys you isn’t in the best interest of your boy as a child or as a husband when he becomes one.