It costs nothing, you lose nothing

Without any fears of mincing words, it’s an understatement to mention that values have eroded in this country, so much that being rude is almost becoming a norm especially among young people. If there is anything lacking among many Nigerians today, especially in their interactions in all spheres of life, it is courtesy. Except in […]

Without any fears of mincing words, it’s an understatement to mention that values have eroded in this country, so much that being rude is almost becoming a norm especially among young people. If there is anything lacking among many Nigerians today, especially in their interactions in all spheres of life, it is courtesy. Except in the military where decorum is still at work, rarely do you find this human kindness freely and naturally exhibited among siblings in our homes and across professions, trades and crafts. It is sad and bad enough to find some healthcare personnel particularly nurses and midwives becoming very ill-mannered even though their training ordinarily requires them to be courteous while on duty. 

Many of those who sit today behind the wheels of commercial vehicles as drivers are, in the opinion of this writer, people with the least sense of courtesy. Motor park where touts reign as “kings” is probably the last place you could find courtesy. Receptionists at the entrance of public buildings are a group of people from whose dictionaries the word “courtesy” is missing. A Nigerian politician, too, remembers to be courteous only when he comes to ask you for votes.

The act of having and showing good manners to others is a fact of courtesy. To be courteous is simply to be polite and kind in one’s interpersonal relationship with others. It is not courtesy if a behavior is devoid of civility. Courtesy should be given without anyone asking for it; and returned (if possible) in terms better than we received it or at least in equally courteous terms. It is in the light of this that Allah (SWT) defines one significant aspect of courtesy in Qur’an 4:86 “When a (courteous) greeting is offered you, meet it with a greeting still more courteous, or (at least) of equal courtesy. Allah takes careful account of all things.”  It is on this basis that Islam considers greeting or salutation among two or more individuals as the beginning of courtesy.

According to the tradition of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), courtesy demands that we see our guests off to the door of our house when they are leaving our presence. Similarly, it is a prophetic act of courtesy to return good for a wrong or an evil.  A companion of the Prophet (SAW) once said, “O Messenger of Allah! If I stop at a man’s place and he did not entertain me; am I to entertain him or act as he did to me if he thereafter stops at my house?” The Prophet (SAW) said, “Entertain him.” Prophetic tradition, by the same token, considers it discourteous for a guest to overstay his welcome so long as to inconvenience his host. 

For courtesy to reign in our matrimonial life, privileges of norm or culture at times may have to step aside.  In very many African cultures (including some Muslim societies), the wife is more or less at the mercy of her husband’s chauvinistic instructions or judgments. It is almost a common frame of mind across races that, while the wife is always seen to be wrong even when she is right; the husband never errs. This, of course, is against the prophetic principle of modesty, which teaches us to accept faults when we deviate or make mistakes. 

Men in their capacity as husbands should learn to say “I’m sorry” when they offend their wives.  While it costs nothing to do that, one equally loses nothing to be courteous. Husbands should learn to address their wives no matter the circumstances with some sense of courtesy and modesty. Women as wives, too, must equally learn to be courteously reasonable in their demands especially those that are more of indulgences than necessities. 

When it si time for children to ask their parents for school fees or other domestic bills, they should do so with courtesy even though it is their right on the one hand as much as it is their parents’ duty on the other, to settle such.  It is part of courtesy for children to perform their routine or ad-hoc duties assigned to them without their parents necessarily reminding them to do so. Uncles, aunties, brothers, sisters, cousins and everyone in the extended family should also interact with mutual courtesy and without any undue molestation. 

Workers should attend to their clients or visitors in a courteous manner while at work. It is discourteous of any public officer to shout disrespectfully at anyone especially applicants who have come to look for jobs that are not readily available. Graduates who have been turned in to “beggars” because they do know those that matter or lack connections to the authorities that be still deserve some respect, at least for the sake of human dignity. The message of “No Job” can be passed in a polite way without necessarily harassing the applicant. Allah (SWT) states in Qur’an 93:10 that “Nor repulse the beggar (unheard).” 

Teachers especially those serving in public schools and institutions should be courteous towards their students even in disciplinary situations. It is out of courtesy that students found academically unfit to continue with their studies are usually yet courteously addressed with a polite expression such as, “you are advised to withdraw.” Leaders should also lead with courtesy. A leader who says “I don’t give a damn” simply lacks courtesy. Allah (SWT) states in Qur’an 26:215 “And lower thy wing to the Believers who follow thee.” Landlords should treat their tenants with courtesy and vice versa.  It is not courtesy when a tenant refuses to pay the rents he owes.  

In crowded situation, whether in a commercial bus, at the stadium, hospital waiting room, at an Automated Teller Machine (ATM) point or in the banking hall; courtesy demands that the young should stand up or give way for the older to sit just as men are expected to stand up for women to sit. The strong should also stand up for the weak or the sick to sit. In matters like this, one is encouraged to let go his rights for courtesy to prevail.  Pride and arrogance are obstacles to courtesy, and therefore, should be eschewed. May Allah (SWT) grant us the ability to always remain humble and magnanimous at all times and in all places, Amin.