Joan Rivers’ 12 best jokes
Rivers is famed for her acerbic wit and often brutal put down of celebrities in her TV show, Fashion Police. She also featured in a reality TV show with her daughter, Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best.Her scathing tongue did not even spare her as she had thrown her acid on her self, often referring […]
Rivers is famed for her acerbic wit and often brutal put down of celebrities in her TV show, Fashion Police. She also featured in a reality TV show with her daughter, Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best.
Her scathing tongue did not even spare her as she had thrown her acid on her self, often referring to her many surgeries.
Recently she was criticized for her comments on the Isreali-Palestinian crisis in which she suggested that the Palestinians were at fault. Her jokes were often cruel but laced with bitter truths.
Here is a compilation of a dozen of her best jokes.
Here are 12 of her best jokes:
1. On Elizabeth Taylor’s obesity: “Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
… she was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her. She’s so fat, she puts mayonnaise on her aspirins.
2. On Paris Hilton’s sex tape: “When I saw her sex tape, all I could think of were Paris Hilton’s poor parents. The shame, the shame of the Hilton family. To have your daughter do a porno film … in a Marriott hotel.”
3. On David Gest: “I blame myself for David Gest. It was me who told Liza Minnelli to find herself a man who wouldn’t sleep with other women.”
4. On her love of cosmetic surgery: “I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.”
5. On Renee Zellweger: “All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.”
6. On Madonna: “Madonna is so hairy. When she lifted her arm, I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.”
7. On James Cameron’s Titanic: “If Kate Winslet had dropped a few pounds, the Titanic would never have sunk.”
8. On supermodel Cindy Crawford: “You want to get Cindy Crawford confused? Ask her to spell ‘mum’ backwards.”
9. On Michael Jackson: “The whole Michael Jackson thing was my fault. I told him to date only twenty-eight-year-olds. Who knew he would find 20 of them?
10. On UK singer Adele: “I met Adele! What’s her song, Rolling In The Deep? She should add ‘fried chicken’.”
11. On her appearance at the Emmys: “I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
12. On planning her own funeral: “”At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.”