Job, job everywhere, but…
Who can blame an Ake boy for showing such ignorance of the traits of the non-Orwellian Animal Farm? He should have asked President Jones, a zoologist per excellence, who grew up in the creeks of Otuoke but was so captivated by aquatic life he decided to study the lives of other animals. President Barack Obama, […]
Who can blame an Ake boy for showing such ignorance of the traits of the non-Orwellian Animal Farm? He should have asked President Jones, a zoologist per excellence, who grew up in the creeks of Otuoke but was so captivated by aquatic life he decided to study the lives of other animals. President Barack Obama, in Nigerian parlance, is ‘falling my hands’. Over the weekend, the improperly tagged Most Powerful President was on international television assessing the New World Order known as IS or ISIS. With home-made-tomahawk missiles backing his voice, Obama confessed that his government did not take the so-called Islamic State (IS) seriously until it festered and magnetized global like minds.
Tufiakwa! President Jones would never make such sissy confession. Not now in the wee hours of facing re-selection and auto-endorsement and definitely not when he would be handing over whatever is left of Naija in 2019. To make such confession would have given Lai Mohammed enough rocks to finally melt down Arsehole Rock. It would be a different case if IS were started by Asiwaju Controlled, AC, Yoruba West. That would have excused not only non-performance but also how the Yoruba, having lost political power raised an insurgency to try the superior firepower of Egbesu and the elasticity of MEND.
That Obama can make such unashamed confession is a clarion call to change the African way of raising kids. Dear Africans, if you must make babies and abandon them in America, at least immerse them in home brewed political intelligence. Making true confessions is not an attribute of power but a show of weakness. Why? Michael Sata missed his slot at the United Nations, and everybody knows that he is ill, but not even the last white vice president In Africa would confess that the King is indisposed. It is both unAfrican and could have been anti-North-Korean until the man whose name spells like a pig grunt – Kim Jong Un recently embraced medical Perestroika and Glasnost. Who dares speculate about Paul Biya’s health or Uncle Bob’s? Such sacrilege is spoken in hushed whispers on deserted islands with the hope that vultures would not hear and propagate the words.
He who wields power must be careful not to denigrate its potency or give in to weakness or the guilt associated with conscience. In Africa, those who come to power must first hang their conscience at the back entrance of their own Evil Square and forget it as they are chauffeured back to their solid Rock. They must learn to be economical with the truth; make promises they cannot keep and recklessly use numbers assured that no Gani Fawehinmi is around to challenge the figures. Such is the essence of power that I challenge Obama to hire an Amish jet; load it with Janet Yellen’s mint dollars and send it to India to procure Christmas crackers then relax and see if he survives the scandal.
In Naija, where real power lies, Ayo Orishajefo, to borrow Tunji Bello’s baptism, walks tall after such an encounter covered by ‘touch not the president’s appointed priest and do his prophet no harm.’ Even in banana republics, a nation keeps the fingers of such priests away from national events if it were dripping from anointing that breaks joblessness. But last weekend, the president’s own Orisha was pouring libation on celebrations of our anniversary of mediocrity. He will be leading prayers at the procession proper today whether Okogie and APC like it or not. What a way for a powerful president to show that he does not ‘give a damn’.
With false prophets behind you, it is little wonder that there is awesome transformation covering the nation like a perforated umblera. Mr President promised to fight corruption, and what better way to fulfil that promise than to dedicate a permanent corruption chamber in all presidential transactions. He promised electricity and pawned PHCN, but the concessionaires have since returned for a taxpayer’s handout after delivering crazy bills and unparalleled darkness.
President Jones promised jobs for the population and, by his latest confession, he has delivered reducing unemployment by a whopping 50 per cent. This figure contrasts with those in the vaults of the UN that tagged Naija the third poorest nation globally. You can’t reduce unemployment by 50 per cent and still be poor. By zoological calculations, this means that in Naija there are jobs, jobs everywhere, but no work for graduates. By the time President Jones has completed his third term in 2019, everyone left would be employed, after all 13,000 have died from Boko Haram and over 200 girls are still missing. Nothing reduces unemployment figures like death – if in doubt, ask Ayo Fayose! Poor Obama, please return here when you retire, you’re in the wrong place.