Joined by the virus

Thousands more couples are becoming paired on account of their HIV-positive status in a show of defiance against the virus—a bold statement that living, loving and relationships do not stop dead with the virus.“HIV is a lonely disease,” says Ugochukwu Michael, founder of God’s Perfect Health Foundation (GPHF), whose signal banners, posters and wall graffiti […]

Thousands more couples are becoming paired on account of their HIV-positive status in a show of defiance against the virus—a bold statement that living, loving and relationships do not stop dead with the virus.
“HIV is a lonely disease,” says Ugochukwu Michael, founder of God’s Perfect Health Foundation (GPHF), whose signal banners, posters and wall graffiti challenge positive singles and those separated to reach out for a partner.
“In the middle of the night, people call me on phone, ‘I’m lonely, I need a partner. If I tell my boyfriend, he will discharge me. I don’t want to be discharged.”
From a few hundreds when it started, GPHF has exceeded its record of over 2,000 members seeking companionship.
The journey to love when you are positive begins with a phone call.
Michael, himself positive, has recorded about 512 calls from prospective members as far from Abuja as possible since the positive-partners banners began circulating.
At the signal of interest, anonymous phone calls become names and profile details filled into membership forms—viral load, CD4 count, genotype, marital status, any children, occupation, qualification, state of origin.
“And the type of partner you want,” Michael adds. “Do you want to get married or you need someone who can just take care of you, someone you can call when you are sick?”
That’s when the profile matching starts—manual and laborious through thousands of forms sorted by state and common traits. A match of 90% means a phone call to both parties and then swap contacts if they are okay, says Michael.
“After that, I give them three months to evaluate. Some come back and say ‘he is not what I need’. Others come and say ‘that’s all.”
But Michael had to break his own relationship to put the foundation first. He recalls his fiancée, a laboratory scientist suggesting an HIV test after he had taken ill. “She came back and said, ‘you have the HIV virus.’ I said, ‘but I have been living with you for five, six years and you don’t have it. So what do you say?”
According to him he ended the relationship, lost many friends, tried a trip abroad during which he was duped by fellow travellers and left stranded until a good Samaritan took him in.
He returned to Nigeria to continue his job in mechanics but like many deported and returning through Niger Republic and Maiduguri, his cache of antiretroviral drugs had depleted.
In Roni’s case (not real name), her RV father had advised them, she and her fiancé to get a HIV test before tying the knot.
She said, “When the result came, one of us was positive the other was negative, am not going to tell you which of us if positive, (she laughs), those days were the longest in our lives”.
“But God was faithful, we still got married and today we have a baby who is negative, but it was not easy going pass the shock of living with the virus for the rest of our lives”.
For many, being positive means starting all over again from the lives they lived, most persons living with the virus loss their partners if the other is negative.
But according to many persons living with the HIV virus it’s the stigma that really kills.
Louisa who works at a HIV testing health recalls that she had to cancel her wedding, relocate and start all over.
She said, “HIV is not a death sentence, this stigma issue is really bad, people treat you differently because you are positive, it’s really sad, but I have learnt to start all over, the first thing I do if I meet someone I like is to tell them I am HIV positive”.
“Some have actually left me, but presently I am dating someone. He knows my status and he has not taken to the hills yet, though I don’t know his yet, I am kind of ashamed to ask”.
But she added that still he is still around, the awareness campaign might just be working.
Pairing off positive partners started when the foundation ran as an arm of St Vincent De Paul at St Mary’s Catholic Church in Yobe, the founder said.
Its aim was to help patient’s access drugs and get through nights when the St Vincent’s caregivers were not available.
“It was not easy identifying them, but we know each other. We are more open to each other than to outsiders. That virus unites us,” says Michael.
“When I see a carrier and the person opens up, he or she feels they have arrived. A lot of us have not confided in our mothers, but we have confided in our friends.”
Today, the foundation has become a silent beacon for lonely hearts like Ify, 30, who found Benji, 38, after their profiles were matched.
The reason for the silence is still stigma. Getting them together is not easy, but stigma sometimes makes it necessary for the couples to   change their names.
“Our pastors and imams are not helping matters. Many still believe HIV is the result of sin. If that is so, why are babies having it?” asks Michael. “HIV is beyond pinpointing somebody, saying, ‘you got it here.”
Now in his 40s, Michael says he is moved to pay back to humanity through the foundation.
Even if that comes as Makande’s desire for “a tall plump lady, 23 to 33 years, working class from any Igbo speaking state” scrawled on the back of his membership form.
Philip (not real name) added that bringing persons with HIV/AIDS together is better because they would take care of each other well enough.