Just before you give your daughter out out

Last week, a story was reported about a teenage bride (15) who was granted divorce by a court after four days of wedlock. The bride admitted before the court that she didn’t feel she was ready for marriage, shockingly revealing that her husband wasn’t someone she could love.She also stated that her husband was pretentious […]

Last week, a story was reported about a teenage bride (15) who was granted divorce by a court after four days of wedlock. The bride admitted before the court that she didn’t feel she was ready for marriage, shockingly revealing that her husband wasn’t someone she could love.
She also stated that her husband was pretentious about his real person and could really not pass for the kind of man she wanted for a life partner.
But interestingly, the bride’s parents knew little or nothing about the husband of their daughter. All they knew was that the marriage was done, bride price paid and their daughter was going to live with her husband in Zaria.
Forced marriages over time have become a sort of a common norm in the society. Daughters or even sons are forced to marry a particular spouse in the name of keeping the family ties of both families intact. It is more common among high profile politicians and the men of means and affluence in society.
I make haste to say that in public perception today, it’s almost like a taboo for a lady from a wealthy home to present a man whose family has no societal identity for a husband and vice versa to either of the families for marriage.
We understand that in order to keep the fame and wealth of a family flourishing  generations after generations,  arranged marriages between influential families  are contracted  regardless of whether  the intended couples  loved each other or not. (But it’s also a topic for another day)
But these days, the issue of marriage has taken a new dimension as most parents tend to give out their daughters to potential seekers for the simple reason that they are wealthy. They do not bother to find out whatever the husband does for a living, no knowledge of his background or roots. Indeed, all they care about is that the man was the highest bidder among suitors and so earned himself the bride.
This goes to show the mistakes most parents especially mothers make when trying to make a decision for their children especially daughters. “How can one get his or her daughter married off to someone he does not know all because of money? “How much is worth the life and safety of his daughter?” asks Hajiya Rabi Muhammed. “There is really a problem with our society. Is this the level poverty has pushed some of us to? I can’t believe some people can go to the extent of marrying their children off to people they have known for a few weeks or a few months without carrying out the necessary investigations about the kind of person or family he/she is from. There is dire need for value and ethics to be introduced to school activities.
“The blossoming of such marriages is a threat to the marriage institution in general. This trend must be curbed if we must keep the sanity of the marriage institution.” She says.
A few weeks ago, it was also reported that another teenage bride (17) killed her husband in his sleep. Mrs Maryam Abdullahi Hassan, a guidance counselor believes that most of these teenage brides are not usually emotionally ready for marriage but rushed into it by their parents. They are usually overwhelmed by the stress associated with marriage and in the end carry out deadly and regrettable acts against their husbands.
“This case is not different from what we have been preaching and trying to educate parents that give out their daughters for marriage without proper consultations about the spouse to be or even consent from their daughters. Parents must understand that the age where forced marriages or arranged marriages ruled are far over and gone. If the fail to realize this and neglect what they are supposed to do in making sure that the family their daughter or sons are marrying into is not one of regrets and sufferings, then they have themselves to blame for whatever happens.” She says.
There is also a running concern that keeps reflecting in the lives of many teenage girls, married off to “strangers” without their consent.
“It’s weird how parents decide who their kids stay with for the rest of their lives without even first seeking the opinion of the child concerned. What if they are two different people who cannot live as a happy couple, what then happens? Finding the right man is already a big challenge not to talk of imposing someone on your daughter. To think that parents of the girl do not know the bride very well makes it even worse for the girl”.
It is such circumstances that give rise to later claims by husbands that their daughter has absconded when in actual fact it is something else that happened. I would advise parents to know the kind of people or persons they give their daughters to out for marriage,” says Amina Shuaibu, an entrepreneur in Abuja.
Similarly, in some cultures, teenage brides are used to pay up debts. If by the time a man who owes a debt dies, any of his teenage daughters is given to the man who is being owed in replacement for the money owed him. For these teenage brides, they have no say since it is a culture they have been born into.
It is important that parents especially mothers take it upon themselves to see to the safety and happiness of their children.
Mothers know what marriage entails and should be a guiding light for their daughters in such situations, when it arises. A marriage that is meant to last should not be based on forced imposition, arrangement or money. The happiness of a child can never be bought. They should not forget that whoever marries their daughters is one that is supposed to be their life partners till the end of time.
This principal driving force for a successful marriage is defeated, if their daughters are not happy in their respective homes, but only used as sex tools or objects by their husbands to satisfy their lustrous desires.
The girl in question has life ahead of her, one that if tampered with now can only leave her with a long term life of misery. Instead, if more attention is given to her education she could turn out to be a life line for her family and maybe be the one to bring the desired end to the family’s poverty in the future and even in her matrimonial home eventually.
Maybe, if all the pros and cons of a forced marriage are weighed, the serious damage in the lives of young teenage girls could be averted. This orientation could and should start from us all. Maybe, just maybe our concern and advice could save the life of an innocent teenage bride from emotional, physical and psychological torture.