LONG LIVE THE KING!
Then I remembered also that the greatest friend of this Column, someone I call Reader No 1, His Highness the Emir of Kano Alhaji Ado Bayero, will be celebrating 50 years on the throne towards the end of the year. Emirs may not usually have opportunity to laugh for all to see, but I have […]
Then I remembered also that the greatest friend of this Column, someone I call Reader No 1, His Highness the Emir of Kano Alhaji Ado Bayero, will be celebrating 50 years on the throne towards the end of the year. Emirs may not usually have opportunity to laugh for all to see, but I have been privileged at private audience to share quite a few laughs with His Highness while reminiscing on some particularly humorous articles that appeared long past on this page. (At one such audience, a colleague who had accompanied me nearly bolted out of the Emir’s private reception, so disorganised was he to see the jovial side of the amiable fellow, the Emir).
So, as we pray Long Live the Emir (who is 80+ now), why don’t we this week revisit for him, and us, some royal anecdotes from other climes.
“Prince Philip [husband of Queen Elizabeth II] was visiting an Australian University where he was introduced to a couple identified as ‘Mr. & Dr. Robinson’. The husband explained, ‘My wife is a Doctor of Philosophy. She is much more important than me.’ Prince Philip sympathetically replied, ‘Ah, yes. We have that same trouble in our family, too.’”
“King Louis XI of France was a firm believer in astrology and yet he was somewhat uneasy when an astrologer accurately predicted the death of a lady at court. He felt the astrologer would be better off dead, so Louis called him to his apartments where his servants were ordered to throw him out through the window once given the signal. First, however, Louis asked the man a question, ‘You claim to understand astrology and to know the fate of others, so tell me what your fate will be and how long you have to live.’ The astrologer replied, ‘I shall die just three days before Your Majesty.’ This so unnerved the King that he decided to let the astrologer live.”
“Maria Fedorovna, Empress of Russia and wife of Tsar Alexander III, was known for her charitable works. In fact, she once saved a condemned man from exile in Siberia by changing a single comma in the warrant signed by her husband. Instead of reading: ‘Pardon impossible, to be sent to Siberia,’ she changed the document to read: ‘Pardon, impossible to be sent to Siberia.’ The man was thus saved and released.”
“After Alexander had conquered Egypt, King Darius of Persia offered Alexander generous terms for peace. Darius would pay Alexander 10,000 talents [gold money] for releasing Persian prisoners, give him the areas west of the Euphrates, and he would hand over his daughter to Alexander in marriage. Alexander was unsure if he should accept these terms and consulted his general, Parmenion. Parmenion said, ‘If I were Alexander, I would accept these offers.’ Alexander countered, ‘So would I, if I were Parmenion.’”
“Scogan was a court jester. He borrowed a large sum of money from the King. A day for payment had been named; and when that day had arrived, Scogan was not able to pay debt. After much thought upon the matter, he feigned falling sick and dying, and requested his friends to bury him in such a way that the Sovereign should encounter the funeral. They entered into the joke with great alacrity, put on the trappings of mitigated affliction, and in due time carried Scogan forth on a comfortably-arranged bier, when they contrived, as directed, to encounter the King. When the King met the funeral procession of Scogan, he regretted the loss of his merry follower; and among other kind things to which he gave utterance, remarked that he freely forgave Scogan and his heirs the sum for which the jester was indebted to him. The buffoon, who had expected this act of release, immediately jumped up, thanked his illustrious creditor, and prudently called all present to bear witness to the Royal act of grace: ‘It is so revivifying,’ said Scogan, ‘that it has called me to life again!’”
“A beggar once asked alms of the Emperor Maximilian I., who bestowed upon him a small coin. The beggar appeared dissatisfied with the smallness of the gift, and on being asked why, he replied that it was a very little sum for an emperor, and that his highness should remember that we were all descended from one father, and were therefore all brothers. Maximilian smiled good-humouredly, and replied: ‘Go, go, my good man: if each of your brothers gives you as much as I have done, you will very soon be far richer than me.’”
“The famous Duval, librarian to the Emperor Francis the First, often used to reply to questions that were put to him, ‘I do not know.’ An ignoramus one day said to him, ‘But the Emperor pays you for knowing.’ ‘The Emperor, Duval replied, ‘pays me for what I know; if he were to pay me for what I am ignorant of, all the treasures of his empire would not be sufficient.’”
“While on his morning walk, King Charles proceeded to stroll through Hyde Park accompanied by just two Lords. As he was walking, his brother James, Duke of York, drove up in his carriage under heavy guard. The Duke was surprised to see his brother virtually alone and expressed to him that it might be dangerous and unwise. King Charles confidently replied, ‘No danger, for no man in England would take away my life to make you king.’”
“George V, an avid stamp collector, was with his private secretary one afternoon when his secretary remarked, ‘I see in The Times today that some damn fool has given fourteen hundred pounds for a single stamp at a private sale.’ The King replied, ‘I am that damn fool.’”
“A story is told of a king who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, ‘This is good!’ One day the king and his friend were out hunting. The friend would load and prepare guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns for, after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, ‘This is good!’ To which the king replied, ‘No, this is NOT good!’ and proceeded to send his friend to jail.
“About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to it. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that he was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.
“As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for jailing his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. ‘You were right,’ he said, ‘it was good that my thumb was blown off.’ And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. ‘And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail. It was bad of me.’
“’No,’ his friend replied, ‘This is good!’ ‘What do you mean,’ asked the king, ‘This is good? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?’ Replied the friend, ‘If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you.’”
This is really good! Long Live the Emir!