Maintaining relationship: At what cost?

Somebody you consider special may not necessarily consider you in the same way. Most of us when we find out we are in such a situation begin to service the relationship. Expensive gifts become the order of the day; we go the extra but unnecessary mile to please them anyway we can just to keep […]

Somebody you consider special may not necessarily consider you in the same way. Most of us when we find out we are in such a situation begin to service the relationship. Expensive gifts become the order of the day; we go the extra but unnecessary mile to please them anyway we can just to keep the person happy with us. This does not happen only in dating or courtship but even amongst family members.

To savour and maintain a good relationship, Mr. Ahmed Bashir says he is willing to foot any bill that comes with it.

The forty five year old said, “It is necessary to maintain good and cordial relationship with others, be they neighbours, male or female friends, spouse, etc and to keep such relationships,  I can pay whatever is necessary according to my means, be it monetary, time or energy. These efforts are the foundation to establishing a relationship and I deem them absolutely necessary.

Although, there are no assurances that after all these, the other party will stay with you; I think they are worthy sacrifices to make.”

For development expert, Henry Agbonika, the price for any relationship depends on the value attached to that relationship. “But the question is how do you measure value? Value in this context can be measured in relation to the amount of attention received, the ratio of positive to negative feelings, the degree of thoughtfulness, and the willingness to sacrifice.”

The thirty six year old said we all have our sphere of influence with different relationships on different levels; each of these levels has a value attached to it. “The level of the relationship on the sphere of influence and the value it commands, determines the price.

“I must say it is difficult to measure what translates into value for some people, and also the price they attach to it. Trust me, for some people the high cost of a gift could be the measure of the value there attach to the relationship. If the gift isn’t high cost, then the value is low.”

For some, Agbonika says, it could be the perceived intention behind the gift; no matter how small the monetary value, it would always make sense because of the intention. “As people are, so are their values, and the measure of their worth. What Ms A considers expensive and unnecessary might be Ms B’s eternal desire. So really it is about different strokes for different people, and more importantly, our individual value judgement.”

According to communication officer, Umar Abu, true friendship which defines the very essence of the word is priceless. “But the sacrifices one makes to keep a relationship in spite of failed expectations from our friends or relatives sometimes, is the ultimate amount you can ever pay; given your unrestrained all.

Regardless, Abu, adds, true love demands being you at all times and one should ask the motive behind any relationship? “Is it for the benefits; is it to prove a point that the other can fall on the altar of materialism?

For me, going the extra mile will be for the sole purpose of treating my friend or wife with the best my resources can afford as additional means of expressing my love or appreciation for the relationship. It’s unfortunate that sometimes your partner may not appreciate all your efforts probably because he or she has their eyes navigating elsewhere.”

The bottom line he says is to be yourself, appreciate your partner and there will be no need for the extra package.

Ngozi Chukwumah, marketing manager, puts it thus: “Like the advert… ‘A meal at Jamie Oliver’s restaurant, there is Mastercard; realizing that Jamie Oliver cooked the meal, Priceless!’

“God forbid if a friend, lover, family member is kidnapped and you were asked for a ransom. Would you pay what was asked or would you bargain?

“Truth be told the most expensive currency is time. Relationships are gifts from God and that is the payment that is required. Money, gifts, phone calls and prayer all amount to time. If you had to pay for friendship, then when the resources run out…”

Chukwumah concludes, “What you want is true friendship. It is the amount of time you have known yourselves and the wonderful memories shared. There is no need servicing a one-sided relationship. It’s not just worth it.”