Marriage counseling: To whose benefits?

Counseling from marriage experts is an important component of the several steps before marriage. But unfortunately, many intending couples, especially youngsters, overlook the relevance of marriage counseling in their relationships. Once intoxicated with love at the moment and there comes the feeble verbal commitment to matrimony, every other thing becomes secondary. Agreed, we all have […]

Counseling from marriage experts is an important component of the several steps before marriage. But unfortunately, many intending couples, especially youngsters, overlook the relevance of marriage counseling in their relationships. Once intoxicated with love at the moment and there comes the feeble verbal commitment to matrimony, every other thing becomes secondary.
Agreed, we all have different cultures, religion, tribes and even orientation.  It therefore means your marriage counselor could be the Imam of your mosque or even the pastor of your church and even government approved officials usually found in the department of Marriage Registry.
Of importance too is the need to understand that marriage counselors do not necessarily preach religion. But their major concern is the sustainability of the marriage, which is about to be contracted by the intenders or social birds.
Some couples resent the idea of premarital counseling because they believe it is a sign that something must be wrong in their relationship. I make haste to say capital NO to it, because it is merely what public servants would call a ‘refresher course’ in order to either replenish your memory or acquaint you with aspects of matrimony hitherto alien to you.
Not all are guilty of this omission, hence some people have visited marriage counselors at one time or the other in their marriage plans, but many also, have done that under pressure or as part of the requirements for the marriage.  Or else, they would simply look the other way.
More to it, marriage counseling arms you with the tools to appreciate marital problems in different perspectives, when eventually the nuptial knot is tied.  Do not forget that as humans, we are bound to have misunderstanding from time to time in our relationships.
“Marriage counseling reminds couples of the reason they have decided to get married in the first place and most importantly,  the sacred nature of the marriage institution. Marriage counseling puts you back on track when the going is tough and reminds you that marriage is for a lifetime, for better or worse and not just for a limited time. Premarital counseling should be encouraged in all relationships before and after the marriage. It is one institution of marriage that we need to revive in our homes, mosques and churches,” says Hajiya Maryam Ibrahim, a marriage counselor with the Abuja marriage school.
According to couples on blog sites, below are some of the reasons why premarital counseling and post marital counseling are necessary and very important to its sustenance in any relationship.
“It works on being honest. Premarital counseling helps you take a deeper exploration into the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Some people date only for months before they get married. Some have been dating for years. Either way, you can never know everything there is to know about a person, since you started dating. Premarital counseling can serve as a positive environment where you can be truthful. The more honest you are, the better. Put issues such as money, kids, sex life, and future aspirations on the table. You can be honest about what your strengths and weaknesses are as individuals and as a couple, and walk away with things you need to work on to make your relationship stronger”.
Another says, “Define what your new roles will be. What does it mean to be a wife? What does it mean to be a husband? Even if you have been living with your mate before marriage, it can be a rough transition going from girl-friend to wife. You will look at yourself differently and other people will too. This is a time for you to be very explicit with your partner about what your marriage expectations are. Who will pay the bills? Does your husband want you to be a stay –at- home wife? Don’t be afraid to ask difficult questions”.
Yet another advises that “Find out how your past affects your present and future. Premarital counseling will help you take a critical look at the marriages in your family and how they might affect how you view relationships”.
“Build communication skills. Premarital counseling will give you tools on how to effectively communicate with your partner, and more importantly, it will teach you how to listen to your partner”, echoes one blogger.
“Allow your marriage counselor to know you better as a couple. If your marriage counselor is conducting your wedding counseling, it is a great time for him or her to get to know you as a couple. The more your counselor knows about you as a couple, the more authentic your wedding ceremony will feel”, another said.
“Get great advice. The person conducting your premarital counseling may have worked with hundreds of couples, and I am sure they will have plenty of great advice to share with you. So soak it all in!’ says another passionate blogger.