Marriage or career, which should come first?

Both family and career are huge responsibilities and sometimes the demands in each arena can cause conflicts. Therefore, choosing one over the other can be a hard decision which can alter your life forever. It’s important that you analyse the situation with an open mind and decide what you want. But perhaps, the most important […]

Both family and career are huge responsibilities and sometimes the demands in each arena can cause conflicts. Therefore, choosing one over the other can be a hard decision which can alter your life forever. It’s important that you analyse the situation with an open mind and decide what you want. But perhaps, the most important question you need to answer is: ‘What do I expect out of life?’

We live in a great time where we seem to have a lot of freedom, and lots of choices to make. There are people who have high career aspirations and as such, giving up on their work completely to get married wouldn’t be such a good idea for them as their relationships could be marred by frustrations and regrets that may only grow with time. While some people argue that it is difficult for women to joggle work and the home front, others are of the opinion that both men and women have a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of their homes.
This week, Lifextra takes a look at this controversial issue.
For married businessman Chukwudubem William, who is in his 30s, marriage should always come first because without a career you can still make money. “The sole reason why many pursue careers is for money before passion and the likes. If your marriage fails, both the man and woman have failed, your career should not be placed before it,” he remarked.
Similarly, Sonia Orerhe says in as much as she loves being a career woman, her marriage and family come first. “I won’t sacrifice my marriage for anything, it is sacred and I treat it that way,” she said. “If we are to look at it religiously, God created marriage as an institution that should be held in high esteem; both the man and woman have huge roles to play.”
Orerhe, a school teacher, adds that: “Every family should try and find a way to create that balance between marriage and career. Marriage sometimes involves sacrifices, I know of some women who gave up their tasking and well-paid jobs just to take care of their homes, I am sure it wasn’t easy for them but they had to do it.”
However, she noted that there some women who will never give up their jobs for anything even if their husband offer to pay them monthly wages. “These are just some of the things that come with marriage, different strokes for different folks,” Orerhe quipped.
For Ododo Geoge, marriage is a long-life commitment with two different people coming together while career is for a while which will stop, so the former should take precedence over the latter. And his reason is simple.
“I believe in marriage which has to do with understanding each other’s emotional make up and working towards attaining peace and harmony. As for career, it is also good as well but this is the 21st century where no one is willing to spend his/her life in a career that will not bring happiness,” George explained.
Korede Akande, a lawyer in her late 20s, was philosophical on the issue: “In simple words, marriage should come first, but when you haven’t found the right one, should you sit by the roadside and watch every guy or lady that passes? If you do that, where will you get the money for the ‘marriage’? When finally you find the right one or the right person finds you, you would then have a broke marriage.”
Bridget Awere, a banker in her late 20s, who is still single, is undecided. “Now that you have asked me I don’t even know what to say. I really want to be a career woman, but I would also want my marriage to be successful when I get married,” she said.
“My job presently is one that takes my time, but I believe when the time comes, my future husband and I would be able to work around it. But I hope it won’t get to the extent where I would have to leave my job,” Awere submitted.
Ernest Chima, an architect, says it is important for people to have skills outside their regular paid jobs because such skills may come in handy one day. “My wife was a quantity surveyor, she had a job that was very tasking and made her travel sometimes. She is also a very good baker; when we started having kids and we both knew one of us had to have more time for them, she had to resign and focus on her skill which is baking. Today she is doing excellently well in the business,” Chima remarked.
 “Careers can cause a lot in marriage if not properly handled,” he noted.
Hilary Rich and Helaina Laks Kravitz, note in an article titled, ‘Are you married to your work or to your spouse?’ published in the ebook, ‘The complete idiot’s guide to a perfect marriage,’ posted on www.life.familyeducation.com, that: “Some people are fortunate enough to really love their work. They put tons of energy into their job and receive a lot of personal satisfaction from the results.
“They tend to work long hours and talk enthusiastically about their job to whomever will listen. Most of their friends tend to be from the office. They often have little energy left over for anything or anyone else – including their spouse.”
They add that: “There is an expression to describe such people: They are married to their work. What does this imply about their marriage to their spouse? Usually it means that their spouse comes second, which is a recipe for disaster. Even though someone might receive a great deal of satisfaction from his or her job, he or she still needs to put the marriage first. Work shouldn’t be at the expense of your relationship.”
So the question now is: Marriage or career: Which would you put first?