Marriage splits: Who suffers more?

With this the nature in us can have some sympathy. Why should a woman be forced to continue a relationship with a man who has become odious and perhaps even dangerous to her and her children? On the other hand, why should a man have to put up with a nagging and interfering wife, whose […]

With this the nature in us can have some sympathy. Why should a woman be forced to continue a relationship with a man who has become odious and perhaps even dangerous to her and her children? On the other hand, why should a man have to put up with a nagging and interfering wife, whose beauty has perhaps proved a fleeting thing, her unremitting demands a liability? Is it not only fair that a person trapped in an unhappy marriage be permitted to try again? When however, separation happens to end that but once bliss affair, who suffers more, is it the man or the woman? And when kids are involved what becomes their fate?

Stella Vincent, an accountant, says “to begin with another woman is not the issue because it will still not work, if the reason for the separation is not dealt with. Something caused the separation and it has to be dealt with to be enable to move forward, if not the same thing will repeat itself again and again in another relationship. In every situation, things turn out best for the person who makes the best out of the situation.”

For Yemi Ogunkoya, an Engineer, he feels it is the man who suffers more in the eventuality of a crashed marriage. “Look, it is the man who suffers most, nobody to cook for him, he ends up paying for two houses, taking care of himself and at night sleep alone. At worst, he has to begin again with another woman. Women can decide not to remarry and life will still be okay for them, but a man cannot stay alone for long.  Sometime, soon he will have to marry another woman and the experience starts again. It is not easy!” Whatever Yemi means is a topic for another day.

“The man and the woman do not suffer anything apart from material support, it’s just like boyfriend and girlfriend which you get over with time. However, if they have children, it is the children that suffer the most. No matter how successful the person who has custody of the kids is in business, or how influential, or the school you send them to, or how comfortable they are, the children suffer the most.

“In as much as the man will give up a great percentage of his wealth where that is possible, the woman experiences the gross suffering. Emotionally, it has been discovered that women float more than men; the loss and pain are emotionally preserved by women than men. And as long as Naija is the setting, a woman must be married if she is to belong. Remarry! That will be no problem for a good looking woman that is an ‘asset’. Sometimes, the good look may not be an issue, provided that she would not turn out to be a liability. Nevertheless, the fire is doused if she cannot remarry. If there are kids, it becomes a real challenge for the woman, because she is more emotionally attached to her kids than the man. The awkward environment of bringing up the kids alone increases the worries. So, in a fair judgement, the woman suffers more than the man in any given situation,” says Charles Okocha, a gynecologist.

Suffering or pain in a separation is determined by the degree of love or commitment involved on the part of each of the couple involved. Sometimes, either or both of them could be just too glad that the nightmare they made of their marriage or relationship is over!

Then the issue of single parenting arises. Many are quick to blame a single mother for the negative outcome of a child. Some single parents feel sorry for what they have experienced in divorce and try to over compensate the child by giving them to much freedom forgetting that they have to set boundaries in situations like this since one is playing both roles at the same time.

“Children in a single parent home often take advantage of tired, emotionally worn out parents to skillfully manipulate them. Avoid creating an environment in which “anything goes” and in which indiscipline and proper instructions are lacking,” says Stella Vincient.

From the respondents above, it is clear that not just the husband and t wife, the products from the failed marriage suffer more especially when kids are involved terrible situations.

But marriage is not simply a natural institution. It is, indeed, a divine institution. There is more at stake than merely the personal happiness in the here-and-now of those individuals involved in it. For society’s sake, and for the sake of the spiritual welfare of mankind, indeed for the sake of heaven on earth, the institution itself needs preserving and protecting.