Me, seductress?

‘It’s always like that when a guest remembers something important which you the celebrant forgot to buy.’ Asabe answered navigating her way through the early evening traffic. ‘Something important! Do you call those extra long beads so important that a mother has to include on a wedding list? Frankly, I can’t remember the last time […]

‘It’s always like that when a guest remembers something important which you the celebrant forgot to buy.’ Asabe answered navigating her way through the early evening traffic.

‘Something important! Do you call those extra long beads so important that a mother has to include on a wedding list? Frankly, I can’t remember the last time I saw a young lady wearing those types. Yes beads are back in vogue, but the fashionable choker types are the ones women prefer not these long type. Though I admit the cute bracelets attached to the long beads are rather beautiful.’ I observed

‘Dear innocent, naive Bint,’ Maryam said from the passenger seat, while turning round to face me at the back, ‘those are not beads meant for the neck, those are waist beads, and your cute bracelets are actually anklets. They are not meant for the neck or any other public eye, those are bridal enchantments meant for her groom only. Some mothers forget to buy, others are too shy to admit they want to turn their daughters into early seductresses, but once a wedding guest was wise enough to remember, then mothers find themselves eternally grateful.’ She explained.

‘Waist beads, you mean jigida? Somehow I don’t remember jigida looking this decorative or glittery. That’s why I thought they were neck beads.’ I explained feeling foolish.

‘Didn’t you smell the exciting perfume on it when the mother opened the parcel to bring them out? Will anyone wear such strongly perfumed object on their neck? From what I heard, there in Senegal they deliberately season the beads in nice smelling, seductive incense for extra effect.‘ Maryam added.

‘And I hope you noticed that there were seven of them, of different colours?’ Asabe asked ’they are meant to serve her every day of the week; you know to avoid monotony and provide variety for her groom.’ She explained.

‘How come everybody knows this except me?’ I asked, in mock distress.

‘Because you are too busy to attend weddings Bint. Look at what it took to drag you to this one.’ Maryam complained.

‘I know but I always have good reasons for missing them. And do you know what I thought when I saw her lifting the beads, each tied to a matching anklet? I said to myself this is supposed to provide the bride with a match for every colour of cloth. For they are indeed in exciting rainbow colours, I had no idea they were for a sinister motive.’ I concluded.

‘Sinister motive, what is so sinister about getting a young lady prepared for the world of matrimony?’ Maryam queried.

‘Because making a seductress out of your innocent little girl can’t be a priority at a time when she needs to know about the demands of running a home and being a mother. ’ I countered.

‘Being a seductress within the confines of matrimony is a major part of the demands of running a home. Don’t be so puritanical Bint.’ Maryam objected.

‘If it was, surely our mothers would have told us. But they allowed us to innocently and timidly find our way around.’ I insisted.

‘At a great cost to some of us’ Asabe chipped in ‘sorry, I sometimes allow the issue of my divorce to becloud my judgement.’ She apologised.

‘No need to apologise, we understand perfectly. But the point is Bint needs to understand that our mothers belonged to a different generation. They brought us up that way and it probably suited our generation too. But our daughters have a lot of challenges to rise up to. The permissiveness and immorality today is phenomenal. If we don’t arm them to fight such issues on their own, would we be able to go after their husbands and preach to them?’ Maryam asked.

‘Maybe not, but surely we seem to be sending the wrong signals by over -emphasising the physical aspects of the relationship over and above other issues. How long will that last? We need to let them know that patience, tolerance, good communication, honesty, understanding and the fear of God are what keep a marriage going not the mere physical passion.’ I argued.

‘Yes you are right, but all these can comfortably go hand in hand with the physical aspect because they are not mutually exclusive. But give a man a prudish wife and none of those things can save the marriage. That’s the reality.’ Maryam answered heatedly.

‘I think you two are both right. I agree with Bint that some parents lay too much emphasis on preparing a girl to attend to a man’s passion than to the nitty-gritty of life as a homemaker. This is why some marriages collapse in no time.’ Asabe said, interrupting our debate. ‘Then down the deep end are those who prepare her for all the serious roles of managing the home and child-upbringing without much thought to the man’s physical needs. This group forgets that a husband is first and foremost a lover, that unless a wife satisfies that, she won’t have a home to manage, or even get the children to raise. So all we need is to find a way to balance the two extremes.’ She concluded.

‘And the first step Bint, is for you to start attending weddings more frequently. Having daughters, you can’t afford not to know about the latest trends in bridal preparation.’ Maryam teased.

‘Actually, my hope is that this excessive celebrations and glitter will all be old-fashioned before my daughters are ready for marriage. It’s just too much. First it was the Asoebi, then the souvenirs; expensive, foreign made, engraved souvenirs, just to celebrate what is supposed to be a sober moment between family and friends. Then comes the make-up artist, today a bride has not arrived until you import a make-up artist to cater for her needs through-out the wedding period; and finally the Senegalese beads, to make a seductress out of your little angel. I honestly wish that all these practices will fizzle out in no time. I can’t handle them.’ I lamented.

‘If you can’t, then we will, since we can’t have your daughters being old-fashioned because they have a mother who can’t move with the times. We will do whatever is in vogue for your daughters when the time comes. Then you can remain your old- fashioned self forever. But Senegalese beads and whatever might come afterwards will be provided for them right there in your house.’ Maryam threatened jokingly.

‘And while you are at that’ Asabe joined ‘why don’t you get some of these beads and anklets for Bint right now. Maybe when she gets a feel of their power she might not remain opposed to them for long.’ Asabe teased.

‘Me, seductress?’ I protested. ‘Please spare me the task, I can’t jump that wagon at this age.’

‘I can’t see why not’ Asabe insisted. ‘Tahir can certainly do with a little bridal treat once in a while.’ She added.

‘That’s it then’ Maryam said ‘seven Senegalese beads to your house by tomorrow Lady Bint.’ She jokingly curtsied, while opening the car to let me out at my front door.

‘Try it Maryam, and you will see them sent right back to sender.’ I replied, waving them goodbye.

This column will take a break next week insha Allah.