Memories of a truly good mother

The word “Mother” always invokes mixed feelings for me. It is a word I associate with nostalgia, pride, good memories and grief. A mother is the best gift anyone can be blessed with. As for being blessed with a good mother, well, that is something that defies explanation.  I was fortunate to be blessed with […]

The word “Mother” always invokes mixed feelings for me. It is a word I associate with nostalgia, pride, good memories and grief. A mother is the best gift anyone can be blessed with. As for being blessed with a good mother, well, that is something that defies explanation. 

I was fortunate to be blessed with a good mother but I was also unfortunate to lose her at a time when I needed her the most. She was a mother of six (four boys and two girls) of whom I happened to be the last-born. Having been born at a time when she was slightly advanced in age, she saw me more as a grandson than a son. Our relationship was filled with the kind of playful banter usually seen between grandkids and grandparents. In fact, it felt like she was my best friend. There was virtually no limit to what I could discuss with her. 

Despite her advanced age, she was very sprightly. She performed her daily chores effortlessly. Even when my elder brothers and sisters felt it was best for her to get someone to help around the house, she still couldn’t sit back and let others perform her tasks for her. She was a perfectionist at heart. No matter how well the house was swept or how the kitchen was tidied, she felt it still wasn’t well done if she didn’t do it herself. 

Even when she was ill she still managed to perform tasks around the house with ease. Whenever she was ill, her illness rarely got to the point where she was in bed for more than a day or two. Which is why when she fell so ill that she had to be admitted at the National Hospital Abuja, I fell sick with worry. My heart sank when it was confirmed that she was suffering from leukemia but I was still hopeful she would beat it. That was her nature. She had a fighting spirit. 

When doctors said she needed blood as part of her treatment, my brothers, sisters and I were literally falling over ourselves in a bid to donate. That was one of the best moments of my life. Considering all that she had done for us, blood was the least of what we could have donated. If the doctors had asked for bone, flesh and guts, I am sure we would have donated all without hesitation.

She fell ill a few weeks before my university graduation. While she was on her sick bed she kept telling me how proud she was of me and how she wished she could witness my graduation, my wedding day and how she would dance on my wedding day. Of course I knew she was joking. Being a very shy person, dancing in public was one thing she would definitely not do.“Of course you will witness all these things, you will beat this illness. You will dance on my wedding day and you will stay with me in my house”, I said.

As her treatment progressed, it became evident with each passing day that the illness was causing a regressive effect on her health and her strength was slowly declining. She looked at me with really weak eyes and said “I don’t think this is an illness from which I will recover but I want you to know that I am always praying for whatever is best for you. Be strong.” She died two weeks later.

It was the most painful period of our lives. Dealing with the loss of a mother was something I was totally unprepared for. Having strong brothers and sisters to lean on was what helped me get through that very trying period. I carry her last words with me everywhere I go. Her calm smile is still imprinted in my mind. The happy moments we shared with her are the best and happiest memories of my life.

The best gift any parent can give to his/her children are beautiful memories that will endure and make your kids remember you with fond memories and prayers. Hajiya Hauwa Mohammed Bandiya, may your soul rest in peace. We miss you and we will always love you.

Bandiya wrote in from Abuja.