Memory and His Excellency, the Ineffectual Buffoon

I often advise my clients not to throw their hats in when the Naija criticize his ruiner. It is considered normal that a Naija insults his ruiner but it becomes a national insult when a foreigner joins the yabis. It is okay to call people unprintable names while commenting on mainstream media feedback columns but […]

I often advise my clients not to throw their hats in when the Naija criticize his ruiner. It is considered normal that a Naija insults his ruiner but it becomes a national insult when a foreigner joins the yabis. It is okay to call people unprintable names while commenting on mainstream media feedback columns but sacrilegious when such insult appears in an article in a foreign medium.
The last dregs of caution, decorum and decency were thrown to the dogs at the last presidential campaigns. Traditional respect for others’ faith, tribe and culture went with it. The cyberspace; that addictive medium invented by President Jones, became a veritable battleground for pro-Jones supporters (aka Wailing Wailers), and pro- Sai Baba equally known as Hailing Hailers.
The Economist broke the rules when it referred to President Jones, a hero who was busy raising his Wimbledon-style tray in far away Switzerland an ‘ineffectual buffoon’ hell’s gates of protests were opened. While some hailing hailers found the phrase amusing, wailing wailers nearly burst their veins. For that national assault, both groups united, in a manner that only football matches could and agreed that motherland has been insulted. I understand that a high-powered protest letter is winging its way to St. James Street in London. As a former stringer, I warn the Economist to beware the combination of the wrath of the Naija and their quondam friends – the Biafrauds united on an issue. It is unlikely that the Economist would retract anything. It is equally doubtful that their protest would lead to loss of sales or patronage. On the contrary I expect Naija big banks and ministries to move their advertising revenue to the Economist as a result. We are the only nation that spends the millions ought to be used in poverty eradication advertising on CNN.
By the way, the said article did not pay Sai Baba any glowing tributes. In recalling how the economy was battered under the ineffectual buffoon, the newspaper concluded that Sai Baba is making a bad situation worse! That doesn’t look like a testimonial for winning the Mo Ibrahim leadership prize if you ask me.
When things like this happen even ineffectual buffoons are considered wise if they keep quiet. But President Jones doesn’t believe in helping halitosis by keeping his mouth shut. He continues to romance foreign approval through their powerful media while widening the mileage between him and Naija press boys with bigmanistic disdain. With his Swiss tray safely in his hands, President Jones appeared on France 24 and vomited that Buratai’s soldiers are fighting Boko Haram with the arms he bought. You see, it has been President Jones’ hallucination that nobody has bought a bullet for the army since Shagari was sent on exile in 1983 and that his presidency changed all that.
Buffoons are wonderful specimen as clowns but nobody prays to be the father of one. It takes brains to know that something is terribly went wrong if your chief security adviser is being investigated for squandering $2 billion dollars meant to procure arms. But an ineffectual buffoon would say that if such an amount were stolen under his watch, there would be an economic tsunami. The slide of the Naira is not an economic tsunami resulting from bad economic management. If those who benefitted from the windfall have confessed and even refunding their slash of the cash and you still doubt it, that qualifies you for the unenviable title of His Excellency, the ineffectual buffoon.
Some of us recall the ineffectual buffoon’s visit to Ndjamena with Ali Modu Sheriff and the furore it generated when he claimed to be negotiating with Boko Haram, but the ineffectual buffoon does not remember a thing. Not even a video of that event would jog his memory. This is why I think that Tope Aluko would stew in the stew of his own perjury. A man who cannot remember that he negotiated with Boko Haram even would deny delegating his C-in-Cship to Digbolugi Ayo Fayose or supplying dollars via NNPC.
Shame is not a commodity that every human comes wired with. Non-ineffectual buffoons find artificial shame by sometimes wearing sunglasses or using their clothes to cover their faces, in fact some buy night masks. Not President Jones! He is buying dubious awards across the globe to cover his shame to the ululation of hailing hailers. Someone please call this man’s discredited bling-bling pastor to help him recover the sense that earned him a Port Harcourt Degree, PhD. The sages are right – to remember is the secret of redemption. It is one thing to be ignorant; most of us suffer from what the late Godwin Agbroko described as mathematical illiteracy, but selling your brain to akpeteshie is taking buffoonery to a classic level. The way things are going; I see His Excellency, the ineffectual buffoon even denying the years he spent as ruiner-in-chief on the doctrine of necessity.