Men and women: Competitors or partners?

Be that as it may, it is generally believed that man, since the origin of creation, was known to have lived with a woman. What we find in present times is that a young man could not be said to be complete until he marries. A hadith of the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) […]

Be that as it may, it is generally believed that man, since the origin of creation, was known to have lived with a woman. What we find in present times is that a young man could not be said to be complete until he marries. A hadith of the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Marriage is one of my sunnah (practices) and he who departs from it is not one of [my people]”.

God created everything in pairs (male and female), that is why you find both males and females working together to achieve goals.

In the 1930s up to the 1960s, due to lack of knowledge and exposure to the right habits, men used to look at their wives as their subordinates who are expected to submit to, obey without complain, and serve their husbands. In Hausa land for example, the man farms and brings grains home. The woman will now be the one to use her discretion to complement this gesture by engaging in petty trading to earn some money to enable her purchase ingredients necessary to cook a meal. They did this co-operatively.

The woman just obeys without question or protest whether she is happy or not. Girls were not allowed to enrol or even progress in western-type schools because they were girls—only boys were sent to school. But the situation has changed now. The girl child is getting more educated and exposed to her rights. The men now find it unbelievable that a woman can achieve much more than a man with all her work load at home and office. We now see women in jobs which were in the past exclusive preserves of men, such as bus driving, auto repair, ministerial positions etc. Some men also used to think that, because of their shallow mindedness, women who excel in their jobs were morally loose, but that is contrary to the truth.

But a woman’s position or level of education will not make her insult and disrespect her husband. In fact, women have so many rich qualities that when a man cooperates, he can tap from. Women are strong, committed, honest, upright, industrious and talented. Generally, when you see a woman who is a divorcee, do not conclude that she is not submissive or is disrespectful, after all marriage is not slavery. The only time a woman disrespects her husband is when he does not take his responsibilities as a man of the house. That is why, in Islam, man and woman are on the same level except those who take the responsibility of their family.

Another reason for women’s rebellion is oppression, suppression, and emotional disconnection. And men who do this are nothing but people struggling with low self-esteem. This low self-esteem expresses itself in so many uncountable bad attitudes such as being abusive. Most abusive men are struggling with low self-esteem which is the major cause of divorce in our society, not because the women are rebellious or disrespectful. A maltreated woman, even if she is known in her childhood to be quiet in disposition, may become wild and fight to be free from bondage.

We find the same thing in our offices; the men refuse to accept that God can raise a woman to a position higher than a man either because of her knowledge, commitment, age or excellence, merit or even destiny. But you find out that the men because of their “complex”, “ego” and with envy, try to suppress the woman, forgetting the Hausa adage that says “dukawa wada bai hana ka tashi da tsawonka (i.e. prostrating to a dwarf does not deny a tall person his height)”. Envy is a very terrible emotional problem and attitude that kills the possessor.

Experience has shown that men prefer women around them who are non-achieving, less wealthy, and lower in position so that they can manipulate them. Even educated and highly placed men are not free from this attitude. The men should not forget that Allah denies whom He wills and gives whom He wills, male or female.  

Now, speaking sincerely to the men; do you know that it is only when there is cooperation that we achieve much? Do you know that a woman has a lot to offer just as you think you have? Do you know that people are remembered when they die for the good they have done not the evil they have perpetrated? Do you know that an illiterate girl can be more disrespectful than an educated woman? Allow the woman to be, so that God will allow you to be. Be sure that even if nobody is watching, talking or doing anything, the One above is seeing and can react if called upon.

 M.B. Labaran writes from National Hospital, Abuja