Minimising hardships of widows in Nigeria
Apart from the pains of losing her dear husband, she contends with the task of caring for all her children from her meagre salary. Her in-laws further compound her problem as they have not been helpful to her and the children in any form. “My in-laws came soon after my husband died and asked me […]
Apart from the pains of losing her dear husband, she contends with the task of caring for all her children from her meagre salary.
Her in-laws further compound her problem as they have not been helpful to her and the children in any form.
“My in-laws came soon after my husband died and asked me to relocate to the village with my children for reasons I could not comprehend. I refused but they insisted for some time and later got tired,” Toyyo recalls.
Another woman, Mrs Sheba Joshua, 52, has been a widow for past 18 years and her experiences all through those years have been harrowing.
“Being a widow is a very traumatic experience for a woman, especially when the late husband’s relatives are selfish, greedy and materialistic,” she says.
Joshua recalls that rather than allow her to mourn her late husband for a reasonable period, the relatives confronted her and demanded an account of the financial position and other properties of their deceased relative.
“Shortly after my husband died, rather than allow me mourn him, his relations came and asked me to tell them what their late brother left behind.
“I started crying and they persisted but I refused. So, when they were tired, they left me alone and since then, I have been managing what he left behind to educate our five children and pay other necessary bills,” she says.
No doubt, widows in Nigeria face enormous challenges from different fronts soon after the loss of their spouses.
In a recent report, a New York-based organization, Communication for Change (C4C), said that “in certain parts of Nigeria, the maltreatment of widows is common.
“In-laws and the communities subject widows to physical and emotional abuses such as being made to sit on bare floor for sometime to mourn their husbands; confinement from one month to a year and the shaving of their hair with razors or broken bottles.’’
In some cases, the report added, “women are not allowed to bathe; they are asked to routinely weep in public; while in extreme cases, they are made to drink the water used for washing the husband’s corpse, to prove their innocence over their spouses’ death.’’
No doubt, many Nigerians will attest to the prevalence of such obnoxious practices in different communities in parts of the federation.
While widows’ plight may not be as that extreme in Gombe State, they, nonetheless, face challenges that are less than dignifying and with dire economic implications.
Death, it is often said, is a reality but how humans contend with the fallouts of the unfortunate natural phenomenon is another thing entirely.
Bereavement is always a period of grief, sorrow, psychological trauma and sometimes despair. How relatives and the society in general react to it, especially in relation to widows and orphans, calls for concerns from all.
The Gombe State chapter of the National Association of Widows (NAW), is one body that has continued to explore ways to minimise the hardships of widows and orphans in the state.
Recently, it organised a three-day conference, where participants brainstormed on ways to assist the state’s widows and orphans.
No fewer than 2,000 out of the 4,000 registered widows in the 11 local government areas of the state took part in the summit held at the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) Centre, Gombe.
Hajiya Adama Dankwambo, wife of the state governor, attributed the increased number of widows in the society to the unfortunate incidents of religious, political and tribal conflicts in Nigeria.
“You will agree with me that the increased number of widows we have in this state and the country at large is mostly as a result of violence motivated by religious, political and tribal conflicts, thereby raising the number of orphans and vulnerable children without adequate care givers.
“I want to use this occasion to appeal to all and sundry that we must avoid violence and try to see ourselves as one family and be our brothers’ keepers, irrespective of religion, tribe and political affiliations’’.
Represented by her personal aide, Hajiya Hauwa Musa, the governor’s wife donated N500,000 to the association, while pledging government’s continued support for the widows and their children.
On his part, Mr Habu Zarma, INEC’s Resident Electoral Commissioner in Plateau, who was the special guest of honour, expressed concern over the plight of widows in the present times.
He urged Nigerians to do away with all cultural practices that were detrimental to the welfare of widows and orphans in the country.
Zarma reminded the people that no one knew when he or she would die, hence the need to show sympathy to widows, instead of adding to their sorrows.
“Now, these people did not pray to become widows but in the Almighty God’s wisdom, He felt that they should be widows. There are so many things, especially in our culture and traditions, which do not mean well or help women that are widows.
“We have to do away with them, especially now in Nigeria where everybody is claiming to be either a devout Christian or Muslim.
“These two religions preach sympathy and support for widows and, therefore, we must do away with cultures and traditions that are not actually in support of what the Holy books are saying,” he said.
Zarma particularly called on husbands, especially those of Christian faith to write and update their will periodically since no one knew when he would die.
“This is imperative to forestall avoidable hardships for the family left behind in the event of death”.
In a paper entitled “The Widowhood Life and Self Sustenance”, Mrs Halima Bello, the Principal, ECWA Private School, Tudun Wada, Jos, said death was inevitable and should be viewed as an act of God whenever it occurred.
“Work hard to fend for yourselves and your children. If you have not been working before your husband died, get something doing, even if it is a small business such as poultry, fish farming, making of earrings and necklaces, baking, hairdressing and tailoring,” she advised widows.
Bello urged those widows who wished to re-marry to carefully examine their desire and be sure that their would-be husbands were God-fearing and caring enough.
Mrs Lola Enoch, President of NAW in Gombe State, said that the conference, first of its kind in the state, was out to address problems facing the widows.
She called on Nigerians, especially those in the rural setting, to change their negative attitudes toward widows and refrain from stigmatising them for whatever reasons.
“The society should welcome and embrace widows, while the government should start educating men to write their wills for their families.
“I think we are no longer in the Stone Age and so, maltreatment of widows must stop; widows should be counted among the beloved ones created by God,” she said.
Enoch implored government to create special credit facilities to assist widows who wished to engage in one trade or the other to sustain themselves and their children in the absence of their husbands.
She stressed that the association, on its part, had rendered financial assistance to members to enable them to embark on small-scale businesses, while training and skills acquisition programmes were also organised for them.
Some sociologists, however, are quick to point out that under normal circumstances; a widow in the African context is entitled to two types of protection.
For instance, Fasoranti and Aruna, in their jointly published paper in the Journal of World Anthropology, examined cross-cultural practices relating to widowhood and widow-inheritance among the N’digbo and Yoruba in Nigeria.
“A widow can be remarried to the nearest male relative of her husband, in which case, she enjoys all the protection and care normally enjoyed by his wives.
“If she is not remarried, she can be given collective protection and care by the relatives of her deceased husband. In this case, help of financial and labour nature is rendered to the widow by the relatives of the deceased husband,” they said.
In contemporary times, however, many widows are quite hesitant to be remarried to their late husbands’ close relatives for fear of the unknown and instead, choose to remain single, particularly those with grown-up children.
The younger widows, on the other hand, often choose to break off from the late husbands’ families to re-marry elsewhere.
“It all depends on the choice of the widows themselves. In some cases, it is like jumping from fry pan to fire; you can hardly get the same kind of love from your late husband from any of his relations,” said Madam Mabel Danjuma, a septuagenarian.
Mr Peter Idachi, who described himself as a traditionalist, said that practices differ in different communities, adding, however, that it was the prime responsibility of the deceased’s family to cater for the widow and children left behind.
He said that there had been instances where relations fought over the inheritance of their late brothers without even showing any concern for the welfare of the wives and children left behind.
“Some of these things we hear about ill-treatment of widows and their children are quite nauseating and the earlier men take measures to safeguard the future of their wives and children in the event of their death, the better.
“No one prays for death but it should be prepared for in case of unforeseen circumstances,” he said. All said and done, it is obvious that certain traditional practices that are inimical to the circumstances of widows ought to be jettisoned in the present age.
Whether re-married or single, widows and their children require care, support and sympathy from the society instead of harassments, cruelty and abandonment, usually meted out to them by their late husbands’ relatives.
Analysts concur that it is the joint responsibility of all citizens to ensure the wellbeing of widows in the society since no one knows whose turn will be next.
NAN Feature