Ministerial list: A whimper, not a Bang

Nigeria! The French say plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose or, in English, the more things CHANGE, the more they remain the same! Keyword here is CHANGE! It seems nothing has changed in the psyche and mentality and attitude and behaviour and demeanour of Nigerians. Our ancient and primordial selves re-manifested themselves raw […]

Nigeria! The French say plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose or, in English, the more things CHANGE, the more they remain the same! Keyword here is CHANGE! It seems nothing has changed in the psyche and mentality and attitude and behaviour and demeanour of Nigerians. Our ancient and primordial selves re-manifested themselves raw with the recent announcement of a partial list of ministerial nominees sent by President Muhammadu Buhari (PMB) to the Senate.
First, Nigerians expected a BANG! Haven’t they since nominated, screened and appointed Femi Falana and assigned Justice to him? Have they not also appointed Pat Utomi? And also nominated, screened and appointed one Festus Odimegwu, that guy that once said all my relatives are goats (or similar blasphemy) in a futile, vain and failed attempt to undercount my State, Kano and Hausa-Fulani Land farther afield in a future census. They say he had since ‘repented’, and has since the light, and has since started loving this Hausa-Fulani multitude, represented by Long Fellow. 
So, there was no BANG! The announcement was just a WHIMPER! Or Less! Many commentators were disappointed. The Guardian, an otherwise respectable newspaper, screamed in bold headlines: “Shock, Disbelief Greet Buhari’s Ministerial Nominees!” The Punch, a natural rabble-rouser and a Northern-Basher to boot (before the Hausa-Fulani/Yoruba All Progressives Congress APC Marriage, that is), screamed louder: “Buhari’s Ministerial List: An Anti-Climax!” The Sun, another mixed bag of contradictions, did not scream but hid its distaste in the inside paragraphs: “No doubt, most Nigerians will be highly disappointed with Buhari’s list. It falls far below the expectations of most of them. It is more of a list of ex-this and ex-that.”
The take of the Nation, APC’s “own newspaper”, was milder, but it said: “Mixed feelings trail ministerial list!” Mixed feelings? So what did they expect after helping mix PMB and Tinubu? This “friendly” newspaper added: “Some Nigerians have an axe to grind with the President over his delay. They have pointed out that his go-slow approach to the cabinet composition was borne out of his distrust of ministers.” Go-Slow? Hurray! The world is back! Even from friendly mouths! The Vanguard, playing “safe” on the other hand, let itself quote the opposition PDP: “Buhari’s Ministerial List Raises Doubts on His Anti-Corruption Crusade!” So if he is NOT Anti, what is he? Uncle? Or Pro-Corruption?
In general, disappointments galore if one were to rely on the papers!
But that’s not only it. In many Friday editions of newspapers, petitioners have once again taken up their cudgel, that primordial weapon which we thought had been discarded when Nigerians discarded the People’s Democratic Party, PDP, the party that vowed to rule for sixty years but collapse at the ripe old age of sixteen. First to draw blood was the APC in Gombe State. It hollered to the President in no uncertain voice and terms: “How could you nominate a card-carrying PDP member to represent our dear state? That woman worked against your ambition to become president and helped PDP win the governorship election here!” No, they screamed! Over their dead bodies, apparently!
Then the masters of the game of petition, Benue State (where a Military Governor posted to that state once was said to have been shocked and awed by the quantum of petitions awaiting him even before he stepped inside the Governor’s Office). Well, the majority ethnic group in Benue, the Tiv, who are a national minority (albeit, according to their paid advert, “the fourth largest single dialect ethnic nation in Nigeria” – whatever that means) are also screaming that PMB has taken their “nomination” and given to one Idoma man going by the name Audu Ogbeh. Never mind the fact that “Innocent” is the gentleman-nominee’s middle name. The Tiv are screaming: “Conspicuous Absence of a Tiv Man/Woman in Ministerial List!” Again, never mind they have the state governor and two Senators. Forever, it seems. An Idoma man could aspire to be Senate President, or even President, but not Benue Governor!
That reminds me! A few years ago, a good friend and senior academic was nominated in his state to be a commissioner. His own people from his own local government, a people he had advocated for all his life, a people that should have escorted him to screening with drums and tambourines, were said to have staged protests at the State House of Assembly saying: “Ba Ma So!” Asked why, the people were said to have said “Ba Mu San Shi Ba!” (or, we don’t know him, or, in poli-tricks, he is not corrupt and won’t steal and bring home.) The Governor, the weakling that he was, meekly, sheepishly, withdrew our colleague’s nomination, which was said to be half-hearted ab initio.
So we have arrived at CHANGE station, but we are refusing to leave the train. Why don’t we just let these nominees and incoming ministers be with PMB, and see if they could last a year? After all, is it not such ministerial seats that cause cancer and cause someone’s arrest in London? What’s so lucrative about it, apart from a few chartered jets and a swivel chair in Vienna?
And for those who don’t know why Any-Government-In-Power AGIP Chief Edwin Clark left the PDP recently, read between the lines. He waited until AFTER the ministerial nominations. You see, he is Delta Ijaw, a minority, not Rivers Ijaw where they are significant chunk or Bayelsa where they are the majority. Now Delta Igbos have since taken Delta Governorship, and now Delta Igbos have been nominated for ministership (even though we shall arrive at that station later, not wanting to pre-empt their full-page adverts). So Old Man Clark knows the days of influence peddling are over, so he is throwing in the PDP towel before he acquires an APC one to gird his loins. One Niger State Professor AGIP should take note!
And oh! Ijaw youths, those ones who call themselves “Worldwide”, have warned Nigerians not to expect any change from PMB, and that this ministerial list (revise the paragraph above) is evidence that we are going nowhere near CHANGE Station.
Then from Lagos came a petition last week by a certain Coalition Against Corrupt Leaders (CACOL) against the nomination of former Lagos State Governor Babatunde Fashola as minister. I don’t know what Fashola did, or didn’t do, to this CACOL cacophony, but let me suggest to him that he should go and tell them that he indeed knows them. Very well. And tell them the Yoruba equivalent of plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose! And that we are going to change, together.
What Lagos can do, Kano can do better! Or, what is good for Lagos goose has to be better for Kano gander.  So, ehem, ehem! The protest of Kano! Who is General Dambazau? How can he be nominated to represent us? All his life this man has been in military barracks! Do we know him? Oh, he is that macho guy that helped late President Yar’Adua continue ruling to the last minute? The guy who ultimately saved democracy by not truncating it even though he had the ample chance? Well done, General! Go ahead, we re-nominate you.
Only that it would help on the day of screening, General, to wear a red cap tot the Senate. That red apparel was trending in Kano, and a certain Kano Senator will be mightily pleased!