Motherhood: A Woman’s Choice
At different times and places in history, varying degrees of emphasis have been placed on motherhood and the value it gives to the woman who has children, and in many cultures, notably sons. These attitudes have impacted on women, sometimes leading to unrealistic expectations and leaving the woman with no other role to play in […]
At different times and places in history, varying degrees of emphasis have been placed on motherhood and the value it gives to the woman who has children, and in many cultures, notably sons.
These attitudes have impacted on women, sometimes leading to unrealistic expectations and leaving the woman with no other role to play in life except for motherhood.
Women may become mothers for a variety of reasons: maternal instinct, mutual desire for children between her and her husband, societal and family expectations in some countries because the government pays money to the parent/s for every child they have.
Regardless of the motivation, once a woman becomes a mother her life changes forever!
Many times a woman can feel pressured to produce children, with the emphasis on ‘quantity’ rather than ‘quality’. In fact, in such cases, her sense of value and identity is based on her ability and willingness to have as many children as possible. Often, this process leaves the woman exhausted – mentally and physically – and when she grows too old to have children, or her children misbehave, engage in wrongdoing or are hurt, she is blamed and with that blame, her self-confidence and sense of identity spiral downwards.
The attitudes that push women to bear as many children as possible in the absence of opportunities that lead her to have a rich and fulfilling life, have been responsible for reactionary behaviour that, among other things, has led some women away from the balanced Islamic view concerning motherhood.
This reaction to the oppression of women in many cultures has emphasized the woman’s right to choose whether or not she wants to be a mother, and often discussion on the issue stops there.
How the woman should be supported? What are the rights of the mother and child? Who should support her once she has chosen to take on the role of motherhood? And what about the benefits and rewards of motherhood? All these questions are not discussed with the same enthusiasm.
At the end of the day, modern-day women may have more choice over whether or not they will have children but too often they do not receive the necessary support and advice to help them become successful mothers.
Islam ensures that women generally, and mothers specifically, are supported financially, emotionally and practically. She should be free from pressure and unreasonable expectations, to devote her time and energy to fulfilling the important role of motherhood.
An Islamic Perspective
From the Islamic point of view motherhood takes on a vast perspective: everything that a Muslim does with the intention to show devotion and obedience to Allah constitutes an act of worship that entails great reward.
So, with the correct intention motherhood becomes, not just an attempt to procure a stable position in society or a stable future, but it is a means to draw closer to the Creator and experience His creation come into being and be part of raising a new life whose ties are inextricably intertwined.
Motherhood can become an act of worship; a means of gratitude to Allah, and a gate to Paradise, regardless of how the children turn out as humankind is judged according to intention (endeavours) and the outcome is with Allah.
On the level of worship, motherhood can be a spiritual experience; one that bonds the mother and child, forging love, devotion and commitment and taking it to a new level. In practical terms, however, motherhood is extremely tiring and can be stressful, especially with the disintegration of the extended family. Many times in the modern world, young mothers find themselves alone with their offspring with no grandmother, sister or aunty in sight to help them over the difficult times.
Motherhood Requires Commitment
Motherhood requires a conscious choice on the part of the mother as she will not only give over her body, time and energy to a baby, but will also have to commit herself to nurture and be responsible for the child all the days of her life. It is a definitive commitment and one that will mould the course of her life; motherhood changes a woman’s life forever. At the same time, if a woman is forced into motherhood before she is ready for it or before she consciously and willingly takes on the role, she may neglect her duty and feel resentment that will have a negative impact on both her and her child.
Should a woman have the choice to be a mother? A twenty-two-year-old mother replied: “Yes, of course I should! I’m the one who will do the work. I’ll carry the child, give birth, feed him, and look after him. It’s really hard to be a mother. I’m on call 24 hours a day!”
Being handed the choice of whether or not to become a mother, the modern-day Muslim woman is bombarded with expectations: she has to ‘look right’, have a career, be an effective mother and fulfil her Islamic obligations while caring for her husband and her home. This is happening at a time when young people are struggling in the grip of drug and alcohol abuse, gangs and promiscuity. Never before has the need for a well-grounded committed mother who is devoted to nurture and guide the next generation been so great. Who can fulfil such a task if she does not consciously and willingly undertake it?
Motherhood is inseparable from parenthood. Islam provides the framework within which motherhood should exist. The Creator knows all things and having created motherhood, He has also placed a man beside the woman so they can support one another. With the financial and practical support a husband provides, the woman is left with sufficient space to nurture and care for her children.
A young married couple explained their point of view: “Both parents are involved in the baby’s life and sacrifice and work in different ways. Motherhood should be a mutual decision between husband and wife because if only one party makes this decision there can be resentment and this would be catastrophic for the child and perhaps the marriage.” The husband in this case added that if his wife really wanted to have a child or not to have another child (and he disagreed at that time) he would respect her wishes because, he admitted, she has to give so much of herself to be a mother.
If a woman chooses not to take on the role of motherhood she may benefit from a number of things like, more free time, developing a career or arranging finances. If, however, she takes on this role and gives it the commitment and devotion it deserves, then she has the opportunity to develop herself and the way she lives her life in a way that she could not do alone.
Conclusion
The Muslim woman’s first and most important relation is with her Creator the Almighty, and all other roles in life come after this fundamental aspect of her being. If a woman chooses to take on the role of motherhood she should do so with the intention of drawing closer to Allah Almighty so she will have her sacrifice, commitment and great effort counted as worship. Some women do not have the option to become mothers but this does not take away from who they are or how they are valued. Mother of the Believers, Ayesha, never had children but she lead a full and enriching life and has positively affected future generations in many ways due to her rich knowledge, understanding and exemplary behaviour.
Women are raising the next generation; whether through motherhood or interaction in the community and the wider family circle. The challenge is not to lose ourselves in our life’s work or in disappointment or frustration and forget that if we truly love our Creator, we will love His Creation. The world is filled with people, young and old, who need to be cared for, nurtured and supported. Motherhood is one gate to Jannah (paradise) but it is not the only one.
Some would say that being a mother is not only a right and a choice, but it is also an honour. A mother fine tunes attitudes, feeds self-confidence, teaches you how to love and how to forgive. She teaches you to love goodness and hate evil and teaches you to have the courage to say the truth. In a world that tries to take credit for creation, she teaches you to love your Creator.
She has spent her life crying, kissing, struggling and talking. She is a mother and is honoured in this world and the next. The highlight of her day is not ironing your shirt. She does have a life and she is more than just a good cook. She would never be able to prepare her children for life if she did not understand it in the first place. She is honoured, not only for her love and commitment, but because she is a whole person; someone who has chosen to take on the role of motherhood.
Onislam.com