Mounds of termites

Speaking to reporters shortly after he led a PDP South West delegation to visit President Goodluck Jonathan at the State House in Abuja, George complained that termites have infested his party. Before anyone could say “jail bird” the eminent party team led by George was inside the State House and were warmly received by the […]

Speaking to reporters shortly after he led a PDP South West delegation to visit President Goodluck Jonathan at the State House in Abuja, George complained that termites have infested his party. Before anyone could say “jail bird” the eminent party team led by George was inside the State House and were warmly received by the president.
When they emerged from the meeting, George told State House correspondents that they came to alert the president that “political termites” had infiltrated PDP. For a former military man, George has colourful political language. He said, “If termites enter your house, you don’t run out to go and be a tenant elsewhere. You must fight it and so we made the presentation of our complete X-ray of the PDP situation in the Southwest and I believe that the meeting was very successful…
“Talking about termites again, if you build a house, termites will come if you’re not careful. But in our own game, in politics, when you get to this stage, anything is possible in a political war.
“They can send people who are not friendly with you to come and pretend that they’re your friends. Those are the termites I’m talking about. You don’t run away from the termites inside your house and say you’ll be a tenant. You must stay and make sure that the termites in your own house are caged.”
Political termites. For a man like me who comes from rural Nigeria, Chief George’s remarks about termite infestation remind me of the termite mounds that often dot the landscape in our grasslands, tall structures of red earth that we call “anthills” even though termites are not ants, biologically speaking. I do not blame Chinua Achebe for giving his well known book the title Anthills of the Savannah. In fact, a cursory look at the Nigerian political scene will give one the impression that it is but savannah woodland infested with so many anthills purporting to be “registered political parties.” One Nigerian political party in particular stands out with its sprawling structures that resemble the huge termite mounds in the Outback that Australians call Cathedral Mound.
A Nigerian political party has all the characteristics of a termite mound which is built from soil, mud, chewed wood, cellulose, saliva, and faeces. A party here is built from an adroit mixture of human sweat, inflated procurement vouchers, commandeered public facilities, diverted pension funds, bloated oil lifting commissions, padded public company payrolls and under the table bribes from desperate contractors. It properly resembles a termite mound in elegant architecture.
The resemblance does not end there. The organization of a termite colony has been efficiently copied by Nigerian political parties, especially the one that George cared the most about. A termite colony is led by a queen that also has her consort known as the king as well as soldiers, workers, nymphs and the flying termites that swarm after the first rains. A  Nigerian party’s equivalent of the termite queen is the “Leader.” Although he is not mentioned in its constitution, the Leader has more powers than all the party’s constitutional organs, including an effective veto power over all decisions taken by them. As for the queen’s consorts, a Nigerian party has kingmakers who are next in power and influence after the Leader. As for soldier termites that defend the colony from its enemies, a Nigerian party has a pack of attack dogs with the mandate to “join issues with anyone who joins issues with our Leader.” A  Nigerian party also has its own equivalent of termite workers, an army of youthful thugs, women choir leaders, babalawo missile firers, moneybag carriers, moles inside other parties, ballot box snatchers, special ballot box stuffers, election result changers, media propagandists and election tribunal specialists.
The food of the two “institutions” is also similar. Termites mostly feed on dead plant material including leaf litter, soil, animal dung and wood. Now, Nigerian politicians who make it into public office either through election or appointment do eat the equivalent of live plant and animal material in the form of legal salaries and allowances. For the most part however politicians here live on dead matter including kickbacks, inflated vouchers and diverted security votes.
Many years ago when I read a book on Advanced Animal Physiology, one part that fascinated me in the chapter on animal nutrition was a section called “special digestive challenges.” It was about the few species in the animal kingdom that could digest bone, hair, hooves, horns and the complex carbohydrate called cellulose. Digesting these require certain special enzymes that occur but rarely among all animals. You see, Nigerian politicians of the modern day have learnt to digest material that was once considered indigestible by public officers in this country. Public funds earmarked for such things as hospital drugs, school feeding, student scholarships, pension for retired soldiers and policemen, as well as monies earmarked for the rehabilitation of mosques and churches were once considered to be indigestible by Nigerian public officers. These days however, politicians digest such monies with the efficiency with which hyena digests bone, a python digests feathers and with which termites digest wood.
Actually, most termites cannot digest wood on their own. Digesting wood requires a very rare enzyme called cellulase which most termites don’t have. They however short circuit the problem by hosting some microbes and bacteria in their stomachs that have the enzyme. The termite will chop and swallow the wood; the microbes will digest it, eat some and leave the rest in the termite’s gut for it to ingest. It is not unlike the arrangement in Nigerian politics where a godfather who is himself not qualified to hold high public office will sponsor a godson into the position, only to reap from the contracts and security votes.
The ability of termites to feed on wood is often a source of great distress to us as human beings. Many species of termite are able to bore into unprotected wooden buildings and could inflict great damage before they are discovered. Sometimes their presence is not even noticed until the structure caves in. Not only wood; termites could also eat paper, cloth, carpets and other cellulosic materials. In India, termites once ate up a pile of rupee notes worth millions. Imagine the mixture of Hindi, Urdu and English grammar on that day.
Anyway, Nigerian politicians are able to bore into institutions and inflict structural damage that could put termites to shame. Those institutions that are most infested by politicians, such as political parties and legislative houses, suffer the most structural damage in the form of destroyed internal democracy, up-ended discipline and inflated payment vouchers. Ministries, public corporations and even schools where politicians are fewer in number but they sit in commanding heights as ministers, commissioners and board members also suffer structural damage that is often not detected until long after they are gone.
Nigerian institutions that are not ruled by politicians but which come into contact with them every now and then also suffer structural damage as a result. The adverse effect is, as our Mathematics teacher used to say, directly proportional to the degree of interaction. Hence the Electoral Commission, security agencies, traditional rulers, bar chambers, Imams, pastors and community elders often get their value systems hollowed out by politicians the way termites burrow into corn stalk. Courts of law, which host politicians during the interminable election cases in this country, also suffer great structural damage and are sometimes indistinguishable from Iranian bazaars.
Even Nigerian prisons, which sometimes accidentally host Nigerian politicians, get their discipline regimes up-ended like a termite infestation. A few years ago when Oga George was accused of burrowing into the Nigeria Ports Authority like a termite plague, he did a little time in prison. There he held court with the splendour of a royal palace.  Not only parties; termites have also infested Nigerian prisons.