Moving on after the passing of a loved one
A young widow who prefers to remain anonymous narrates her ordeal in trying to help her child cope with the trauma of losing his dad. “My husband passed on almost three years ago when I was 29 years old. My in-laws abandoned my then two-year-old son (now 5) and me. I took it upon myself […]
A young widow who prefers to remain anonymous narrates her ordeal in trying to help her child cope with the trauma of losing his dad. “My husband passed on almost three years ago when I was 29 years old. My in-laws abandoned my then two-year-old son (now 5) and me. I took it upon myself to look after my son without their help. My problem now is that my son misses his dad and keeps asking about him. What do I do? He keeps asking questions relating to his dad and wants immediate answers concerning his dad. I see the sorrow in his eyes when I can’t give him direct answers concerning his dad. The thought that he misses his dad hurts me.”
Dealing with the trauma of losing a loved one is never easy especially for spouses and children. But Aisha Musa, 38- year-old economist, says, “I don’t worry much for her son but worry more for the mum.What has she done since her husband’s passing to get a closure for herself? What has she done to move on? Is she still broken and shattered? Is she physically and internally strong and viable? What is her support system like? How is she coping from day to day? If all these questions I have posed don’t have positive responses, then there is no way she can heal someone else in her brokenness. Her son is the least of the worry here. Rather she is, if she can’t find closure for herself, her son will never find closure. It might as well be that her son gets the vibes of her missing his dad from her actions and thoughts.”
Ufoma Okoli, 39-year-old secretary suggests that “If she is a Christian, I will suggest she gives herself to praise and worship. Weep in His presence, let it all shatter and let her healing begin. Only then can she look at her child and heal his worries. I will also suggest that she engages the services of a child psychologist, it will do her son a lot of good in fixing the emotional trauma he is experiencing at the moment and help him face reality that his dad is no more and he needs to move on and be strong for himself and his mum.”
Amina Ahmed Suleiman, 40-year-old lawyer, says “She needs to do more when it comes to closure on her own part. She is still living in denial and so thinks she has overcome the trauma. If her son is asking for his dad even though he died years back when he barely knew him, then she hasn’t found closure for herself yet. If you ask me, she is living in denial. What she needs now are encouraging words and friends to lift her spirit and guide her to where to focus which will in return accelerate her healing process. With these in place she will have the courage to face her fears and triumph at the end.”