Naija catches Japanese flu in Rio

I know that we didn’t appoint him, but Japanese Emperor Akihito is truly a disappointment. Talks that he might abdicate the throne of his forefathers truly rankle! From which gene pool did the man draw his own blue blood? So he is 82 and thinks he is too old to carry on state functions? Someone […]

I know that we didn’t appoint him, but Japanese Emperor Akihito is truly a disappointment. Talks that he might abdicate the throne of his forefathers truly rankle! From which gene pool did the man draw his own blue blood? So he is 82 and thinks he is too old to carry on state functions? Someone should read him Mugabe’s favourite aphorisms – life begins at 92. So, 82 is just that age in which you do not have to apologise for anything!
Ordinarily, we wouldn’t bother about an Emperor’s wish because, but for the generous aid package that Japan gives, we are so far removed from their monarchical sphere of influence to bother. However, thoughts of abdication are beginning to empower seditious wailing wailers and becoming the new tool to make unnatural demands. I can’t believe that anybody not high on revolutionary mushrooms would even contemplate asking our own emperor of sports to abdicate his ministerial throne while he has the full confidence of the man who appointed him.
Those demanding that Sai Baba should fire him have neither locus standi nor precedence; two legal pedestals on which preposterous demands are hinged either in law or in history. It is apparent that those even contemplating such demands are citizens of the defunct Naija. They must have been sleeping when the red berets sent a memo to the Feral Executhief Cancel declaring the United States of Naija, USN.  I have seen an artist impression of the flag of this new republic and it is impressive; a green emblem with shiny white stars. Lets hope that any ambassadorial nominee would be able to recite its national anthem and pledge without recourse to giraffe method.
I have a message for those who have caught Japanese flu; by your demands, God has answered the most favourite prayer of most old Naija. Spiritually encircled by real and imagined foes, the old Naija’s prayer is to let his enemies live long enough to see what their progress without power to stop it. Believe me that is more altruistic than some prayer points in Mountain of Fire.
At any rate, gleaning from history, no Naija minuster has ever resigned either for verbal diarrhoea or hallucinative dementia any more than any ambassadorial nominee has been dropped for inability to recite the national pledge. Its only WAEC and NECO that marks so stringently, they don’t do so at the sinnate.
In history, when a minuster becomes notorious, he cements the confidence of the government that appointed him. Remember Wada Nas; or ask Abba Moron whose recruitment scam at the national stadium led to the death of at least 18 citizens, several emotional and physical wounds. Did Moron resign? No sir. Was he fired or prosecuted for murder and vicarious liability? No ma. He retained his job to the last day, having earned the badge of dishonour – the spilling of blood. What more, he is still drawing fat pension, designed for those who served the nation with diligence.
He is not alone; Ali Modu Sheriff was openly accused of complicity in unleashing Boko Haram on the rest of us. For the uninitiated Boko Haram is our own home-grown terror group whose succession battle we recently lost to ISIS. By conservative estimation, 20,000 have died since it unleashed; five million have been displaced and a quarter of a million forced out of the country. In Japan, a man under whose watch such a monumental disaster unleashed would commit hara-kiri, in Naija he now leads a potent faction of what was once described as the largest party in Africa.
So, I ask the question – precisely for what reason would the leader of the red beret brigade resign? Yes the Dream Team left Naija before they could even learn the new name of their country or its national anthem. They were stranded in the USA. Why should it be the trouble of a revolutionary high on magic mushrooms? They went ahead and spelt Japan with the man who doesn’t care cheering. You may not care, just cheer!
Every government gets its own clown. The wizard of Ota had Chukwuemeka Ezeife who sauntered into Council Chambers armed with an elephant tusk and wanting to be sworn on amadioha. President Jones had Abba Moron and Godsday Orubebe. Mr. Red Beret may be Sai Baba’s manifest clown of the council and it is okay that he decides to keep him. If he had lost the confidence of his master, he would not have made it to Rio after such a national embarrassment and not when Sai Baba cautioned those without business in Rio not to travel on state-run ticket. Don’t take politricians seriously. Were we not promised that government would not subsidize religious tourism? Well, they ate their words last year, they have done so now, but at least they have confessed that they cannot keep their own promises.
Postcript: Some people were angry that the Dream Team wore tracksuits at the opening. Well from pictorial evidence I’ve seen, it is better those suits than the Star Wars costume made for them. It would have been worse to see them in those – but men in kilts once welcome back our president!