NASRUDDIN REVISITED

It is pitiful because these abject poor whole-heartedly believe what their ‘representatives’ in Abuja (or in Government at all levels, those that ‘alleviate their poverty’ by dashing them Fifty-Fifty Naira regularly) tell them why they cannot assist them these last few weeks. “You know, the President has refused to sign the budget, so there is […]

It is pitiful because these abject poor whole-heartedly believe what their ‘representatives’ in Abuja (or in Government at all levels, those that ‘alleviate their poverty’ by dashing them Fifty-Fifty Naira regularly) tell them why they cannot assist them these last few weeks. “You know, the President has refused to sign the budget, so there is no money around. So be patient.” They believe that. And they also believe, when the budget was signed last year and no ‘dash’ was forthcoming, what ‘Honourable’ told them: “There is no release from the Finance Minister. You know, that woman is from the World Bank. And she doesn’t like dashing. And she is not dashing, herself.”
Allah Sarki poor people! Believe these and you will believe anything. But alas! They do believe and so, if they don’t get Fifty Naira, it is blamed on other parties but the denier. Trying to explain economics to such dash-awaiting folk is, to say the least, a dashed hope. Since they refuse to be their own ‘dashers’, so they will continue in their misery and penury this Januworry and Febuworry. Until the budget is signed, or the Minister transforms into a dashing woman.
No matter. Last week we recycled some jewels from the trashcan. This week, as Januworry is gone and Febuworry is fast going, we have to hide behind laughter and recycle some of Mullah Nasruddin’s capers in the forlorn hope that it may assuage a little of our collective anger, worry and frustration at the goings-on in this country. May our worries be lightened. Enjoy.
DASH: One day Nasruddin went to a Turkish bath but as he was dressed so poorly, the attendants didn’t pay much attention to him. They gave him only a scrap of soap, a rag for a loin cloth and an old towel. When Nasruddin was leaving, he gave each of the two attendants a gold coin. As he had not complained of their poor service, they were very surprised. They wondered had they treated him better whether he would have given them even a larger tip. The following week, Nasruddin returned. This time, they treated him like royalty and gave him embroidered towels and a loin cloth of silk. As he left the the bath, he handed each attendant the smallest copper coin possible. ‘This,’ said Nasruddin, ‘is for the last visit. The gold coins from last week are for today.’
BUDGET: One day Nasruddin bought three okes [an oke is a measure of weight] of meat and took it home to his wife. Then he returned to work. Immediately, his wife called her friends and prepared a superb dinner for them. In the evening, Nasruddin returned for supper, and his wife offered him nothing but bread and onions. He turned to her and said, ‘But why haven’t you prepared  anything from the meat?’ ‘I washed the meat and was going to put it on the stove when this damn cat came up and took it away,’ she said. Nasruddin at once ran and caught the cat, then went and brought scales and weighed it. It was exactly three okes! Then he turned to his wife and said, ‘Look here! If what I have just weighed is the cat, then where’s the meat? But if this is the meat, then where’s the cat?’
PLENARY: Nasruddin opened a booth with a sign above it: ‘Two Questions On Any Subject Answered For Only 100 Silver Coins.’ A man who had two very urgent questions handed over his money, saying: ‘A hundred silver coins is rather expensive for two questions, isn’t it?’ ‘Yes, said Nasruddin, ‘and the next question, please?’
PLEA: Nasruddin was a judge at one time. One day, as he worked in his chambers, a neighbour ran in and said, ‘If one man’s cow kills another’s, is the owner of the first cow responsible?’ ‘It depends,’ answered Nasruddin. ‘Well,’ said the man, ‘your cow has killed mine.’ ‘Oh,’ answered Nasruddin. ‘Everyone knows that a cow cannot think like a human, so a cow is not responsible, and that means that its owner is not responsible either.’ ‘I’m sorry, Judge,’ said the man. ‘I made a mistake. I meant that my cow killed yours.’ Judge Nasruddin thought for a few seconds and then said, ‘When I think about it more carefully, this case is not as easy as I thought at first.’ And then he turned to his clerk and said, ‘Please bring me that big black book from the shelf behind you…’
BARGAIN: One day Nasruddin wished to learn playing zurna [a kind of flute] and visited a zurna master. ‘How much does it cost to learn to play zurna?’ asked Nasruddin. ‘Three hundred akche [coins] for the first lesson and one hundred akche for subsequent lessons,’ replied the master player. ‘It sounds good,’ replied Nasruddin. ‘We may start with the second lesson. I was a shepherd when I was a young boy, so I already had some whistle experience. It must be good enough for a first lesson, isn’t it?’
THIEVES: That was the time Mullah Nasruddin’s family was very poor. One day Nasruddin’s wife woke him in the middle of the night and whispered, ‘Nasruddin, there is a thief in the kitchen!’ ‘Shhh…don’t make a noise, woman!’ whispered Nasruddin, ‘let the thief be. Perhaps he finds something then we seize it!’
OPINION: One day the King invited Nasruddin to his palace for dinner. The royal chef prepared, among others, a cabbage recipe for the occasion. After the dinner, the King asked, ‘How did you like the cabbage?’ ‘It was very delicious,’ complimented Nasruddin. ‘I thought it tasted awful,’ said the King. ‘You’re right,’ said Nasruddin, ‘it was very bland.’ ‘But you just said it tasted delicious,’ the King noted. ‘Yes, but I’m the servant of His Majesty, not of the cabbage,’ Nasruddin replied.
SOLUTION: One day Nasruddin was sprinkling some powder on the ground around his house. ‘What are you doing?’ a neighbour asked. ‘I want to keep the tigers away.’ ‘But there are no tigers within hundreds of miles.’ ‘Effective, isn’t it?’ Nasruddin replied.
IDIOT: Nasruddin used to stand in the street on market-days, to be pointed out as an idiot. No matter how often people offered him a large and a small coin, he always chose the smaller piece. One day a kindly man said to him: ‘Nasruddin, you should take the bigger coin. Then you will have more money and people will no longer be able to make a laughing stock of you.’ ‘That may be true,’ said Nasruddin, ‘but if I always take the larger, people will stop offering me money to prove that I am more idiotic than they are. Then I would have no money at all.’
OUTSIDE: Someone asked: ‘Nasruddin, which side must I walk when carrying a coffin, at the front, back, left or right?’ ‘Take whichever side you like best, so long as you are not inside!’