National safety, security and election-induced overdrive

Sai Baba has spent his time well. For the most part, it is evident that he was prepared somewhat for politics, perhaps not as much for office. For anyone conversant with the journey so far, there’s no need for evidence. After causing the biggest electoral upset in post-colonial Naija, we spent six months looking for […]

Sai Baba has spent his time well. For the most part, it is evident that he was prepared somewhat for politics, perhaps not as much for office. For anyone conversant with the journey so far, there’s no need for evidence. After causing the biggest electoral upset in post-colonial Naija, we spent six months looking for ministers. When we finally got them, we didn’t know what to make of them. Evaluating their performances thus far, most people would think it was time to inject new blood or to shuffle the cabinet so that those who are marking time would hear the commander’s bugle to change from marking time to quick march. But it won’t happen.

So here we are, less than two years to another selection, all we have been doing is – fighting corruption, at least on social and mainstream media. Truth it, this regime is fighting other people’s corruption with theirs glaringly exposed. Do we need to back it up with examples? Well, we all know which disciplinary reports Aso Rock rats have eaten. We’re watching to see if Maina would join Peter Odili in buying immunity from prosecution from our judisharing. 

Even with that scenario, the regime has to be seen to be doing something because hecklers, baptised wailers by none other than presidential spokesman Femi Adesina would be wailing. So here comes the flurry of attention-grabbing soundbites that was aptly dubbed dynamic inactivity under Sani Abacha. 

First one; henceforth, visitors to Naija would not have to queue at our embassies waiting for the ‘server to process their application fees’, failing which there is always a third way involving a racket that always succeeds in hacking through a debilitating server after the payment of fees higher than advertised. All a visitor needs now is to buy their ticket, load their pockets with those mighty currencies that brings out the best in our customs and immigration officials at the ports and pronto – they get their entry visa to roam free. We must congratulate any immigration officer who gets past the queue to get a posting to the ports for theirs would be the kingdom of money. 

So, hooray, we’re finally in the era of people diplomacy, apology to Ojo Maduekwe’s ghost. But wait a minute; aren’t we battling that phenom called terrorism without borders? Of course yes!  We have Boko Haram to contend with.  Then we have herdsmen. Then we have armed robbers. Then kidnappers who perhaps harvest vital organs for the global organ market.

Isn’t Africa itself an open playfield for festering terrorists? From the LRA straddling Uganda, Sudan and the Congo to Al-Shebab wrecking havoc in Somalia to the Al-Qaeda in the Maghreb, AQIM working with Tuaregs in Mali and across Niger. We remember that when Libya was ‘liberated’ Gadaffi’s arms were for the taking and the attendant failed state created a fertile training ground for al-Qaeda, ISIS and their affiliates. In this scenario, with our record of efficiency in policing our borders, we must congratulate those who formulated this new policy of visa at the ports for all manner of people whose backgrounds are not as important as the cash in their wallets. Besides asking too many questions is contrary to the disciple principle by which we applaud every policy without critically thinking through its likely effects. 

These new policies are not all bad; one has inherent principle of diplomatic reciprocity if you pardon the oxymoron. Any country that hassles Naija citizens over visa would have their own citizens frazzled by Naija diplomats. In Trumpspeak, this is putting Naija first! Don’t start asking who is as desperate to come to Naija, as Naija people are desperate to go abroad. We don’t do statistics to know these issues because figures in the hands of the opposition could be deadly. 

Our regime is working. Since yesterday, those who wish to mine or exploit Naija’s 34 solid minerals could get their licenses to ruin the environment within 30 to 45 business days. Hooray! Nobody should ask how long it takes to obtain licenses in other climes where posterity is more important than the economic gains of today. How long does it take to draw up a proper environmental impact analysis needed for today’s mining? Silence? We’ll cross that bridge when we get there like we’ve done with Ogoni and the rest of the Niger-Delta perhaps when the impacted have taken up arms. Only pessimists who never think good of any government policy raise questions like these? They only criticise, they never bring any solutions, right? 

This last one should silence the wailers. Government would soon release the names of those who looted our economy. If you think you’ve heard it before, you don’t need that London trip to get your ear examined, they’re working well. Looters are wiser, they wade through the waters from opposition to position knowing that such baptism cleanses them of all sins. At any rate, big thieves terms and return as heroes, ask Bode George who now aspires to chair the opposition! Welcome to Naija!