Neighbours: How close is close?

When I was schooling and working in two different states which warranted my travelling a lot I gave one of the young married neigbhours the spare key to my flat so that the estate caretakers could do some maintenance work and repairs. I resorted to this after several failed attempts to fix a time that […]

When I was schooling and working in two different states which warranted my travelling a lot I gave one of the young married neigbhours the spare key to my flat so that the estate caretakers could do some maintenance work and repairs. I resorted to this after several failed attempts to fix a time that would be convenient for me and the repairmen.
I eventually got her to open my door for the electrician, later the cabinet man and even the generator repairman. Onetime I left my tap running and she called to let me know and I asked her to go in and switch it off, by this time the key was already permanently with her.
A couple of months later a cousin of mine came to town with no prior notice while I was in school so I directed her to meet my neighbour for the spare key. When I returned my cousin asked why my neigbhour should have a key to my flat, that it was too close and too risky.
She narrated how a friend got robbed with the connivance of a neigbhour who knew she kept her key under the waste basket. This got me thinking if I was doing the right thing or if I had overstepped the boundary.
Twenty-eight-year old Monique Kome, an administrative staff at a power company, said the relationship should be cordial but not too close. “Neighbours should not get too close but there should be a cordial relationship because no man is an island,” she explained.
Monique says the advantage of being cordial with a neigbhour becomes imperative in times of emergencies: “Sometimes we need the assistance of people around us, especially in cases of emergencies.”
However she added that closeness brings “familiarity which breeds insult,” stressing that: “some people get close to you in pretence, just for them to lure their way into your life, get to know what is happening in your home and may even go far as using it against you.”
Monique advises that the closeness between neighbours should be restricted on exchanging pleasantries and nothing more.
Isaac Madda, a graphic designer in his early forties, shares Monique’s point of view. “The essence of coming together as neighbours is to have companionship in case of emergency,” he noted, adding that when relating with people, it is best to be always cordial, “don’t get too close and don’t be too far away.”
Madda cautioned that there should be restraint on how far you can go in such a relationship. “Don’t give out too much information because you don’t know what can be used against you,” he admonished.
Not everyone is of the view that neigbhour-to-neigbhour relationship should be limited to cordiality as Christy Timothy, a 27-year-old secretary, started off with what the Bible admonishes Christians to do. “The Bible says love your neighbour as yourself. I believe we should be close as neighbours, I should be able to enquire from you how you are faring, visit when necessary,” she submitted.
Christy however, cautioned that one should be wary of troublesome neigbhours. Even though she feels it is best when you relate well with your neighbours, interfering in their personal lives should not be part of it.
Jerry Ozule, an on air personality who interestingly backs-up his stance with the scriptures, doesn’t feel a neighbour should be close. “The saying that ‘too much of everything is bad’ isn’t out of context. Being too close to your neighbour isn’t advisable because in most cases, it brings about familiarity and familiarity they say, brings contempt,” he remarked. Even the holy book says ‘Seldom set foot in your neighbour’s house, lest he become weary of you and hate you.’”
On how best to relate with neigbhours Jerry said: “one’s closeness to his or her neighbour should be moderate. It makes the relationship stand the test of time. It is not pride, it is wisdom.”
Isa Tijjani in his late-50s said the degree of closeness that should exist in a relationship with ones neigbhour depends on the level of trust that exists even though the level of trust among people these days has drastically dropped.
“I grew up in a mixed community of both Christians and Muslims. In those days there was no barrier. In my secondary school days I escorted my friends to church, sat outside and waited for them to finish their service. On Fridays they escorted us to mosque and stayed some metres away until we prayed and finished to join them,” Tijjani recalled.
“The question is not how close a neighbour should get but can we trust each other; if we can the question of getting close will not arise. These days even within faiths the trust is gone. In Islam you hear of Izala and Sufis and in Christianity you hear of Catholics and Protestants and the differences are getting sharper by the day; so for me the issue is trust,” he added.
A ‘netizen’ named Julsie5 wrote in an online forum about being close and living close to a neigbhour. She says it depends entirely on whom your neighbours are, when she lived in an apartment complex, she had some great neighbours and enjoyed being part of that little community. But for about six months there were two sisters living in the apartment that backed hers, and they weren’t capable of doing anything quietly, she recalled.
“I don’t know what the issue was, because I never heard a peep from two other sets of neighbours in that same unit. But with these girls, I heard all sorts of very personal conversations, I knew what they watched on TV, even their phones rang so loud I would sometimes answer mine,” Julsie stated.
Anna Newell Jones, author of the ‘12 good financial reasons to be friends with your neigbhours,’ says: “It can be far more peaceful to live among neighbours that like and respect each other, especially when they are living in close proximity. Respectful neighbors are less likely to invade your space, be loud and rowdy, and make overall daily life stressful.”
She adds that neighbours can be a source of good advice and are conveniently located when you need some guidance and that many neighbours enjoy helping each other out and are happy to pick up some groceries, stop at the post office, or pick up your dry cleaning while they are on their own errands.