New Muslims: Talk less and listen more (I)

Wherever it happens – at a friend’s house, down the phone, in an imam’s office or at the center of a vast Masjid on Friday, it is a heart-thrilling experience.Immediately after you testify to the Oneness of God and that Muhammad (pbuh) is His final Prophet, you are squished by your new sisters (or brothers […]

Wherever it happens – at a friend’s house, down the phone, in an imam’s office or at the center of a vast Masjid on Friday, it is a heart-thrilling experience.
Immediately after you testify to the Oneness of God and that Muhammad (pbuh) is His final Prophet, you are squished by your new sisters (or brothers if you are male).
Tears in eyes, your new family thrust phone numbers and email addresses at you, pledging with heartfelt intensity to ‘be there’ when you go through ‘tests’ about which, at that moment, you may have no idea.
And then, sometime after the fizzy, amazement fades, it will be you. On your own. With God.
It took me weeks to come down off that first spiritual high and look around at my new life, thinking: “Wow, how did I get here and how do I carry on this journey?”
Helpfully, as in all things, the Quran has the answer. This verse tells precisely what is expected of the believer.
“Righteousness is not that you turn your faces toward the east or the west, but [true] righteousness is [in] one who believes in Allah , the Last Day, the angels, the Book, and the prophets and gives wealth, in spite of love for it, to relatives, orphans, the needy, the traveler, those who ask [for help], and for freeing slaves; [and who] establishes prayer and gives zakah; [those who] fulfill their promise when they promise; and [those who] are patient in poverty and hardship and during battle.
Those are the ones who have been true, and it is those who are the righteous.” (Al-Baqarah)
This beautifully detailed verse appears before us, as a mountain to climb.
What to do first?
Your gratitude at being chosen for this perfect faith can quickly turn into a rather confused sense of zeal. Do I adopt an orphan first or give away my old clothes then rethink all my old promises and see which ones I haven’t kept then…? Talk about a life spring clean!
I would like to pass on one of the most potent pieces of spiritual advice I have received since becoming Muslim. Alhamdulillah, it has been repeated by each imam and scholar who has offered me support on my way, until it is imprinted on my brain.
“Slow down. Take your time. God knows you, He knows you are trying. So take your time and go back to the beginning. And above all ask for God’s help in all things.”
Back to the beginning?
Well that seemed a bit of a blow when I first heard it. Surely I was further down the path of knowledge, after a year than when I first took my shahadah. How long before I ‘knew’ stuff then?
Humility, then, is the best foot forward. The primary aim of Islam is to be able to answer this question with heartfelt sincerity.
Who is Allah? And why and how must I love Him? Knowing God and understanding His divine attributes is a vast subject, one for those with knowledge to teach. A good idea, as you set out on this path, is to attend one of the growing number of excellent 3-5 day Basic Islam courses, springing up across Europe and North America. Such retreats are food for the soul and guidance. They take you out of your current environment (i.e. worries) and can put you in touch with learned people able to both answer your questions and raise your faith.
You may feel you are strange to everybody now you are a Muslim. Taking this time then to be around sisters and brothers from your own cultural background, I found this a real blessing. Many thanks are due to the Islamic Education and Research Academy (Iera – MuslimNow) for their subsidized retreats for new Muslims.
As we each take our first baby steps on the path to understanding, one of our greatest challenges can certainly be our new peers.
A few months ago, on a retreat, I met a 20-year-old British revert to Islam. She said her shahadah and then had a series of pretty awful experiences at the hands of other Muslims. Men preyed upon her for her white skin – sad but true. But far worse than male lechery (a part of life for young women today), was the confusing advice on Fiqh – practical matters – from the sisters.
“I took my hijab off today and I hate it now!” Announced the young sister after a week of wearing hijab. She had been cornered by a group of hijabis who threw questions at her like poison darts.
“So which school of Islam do you follow then?”
“Name the greatest Prophets”
“Are you Hanafi then because you pray like a Hanafi?”
Later the same day she was cornered in a corridor by young Muslim girls who didn’t wear the hijab, yet. Faux intellectual bullying is a sad epidemic in our community.
“Where does it say in the Qur’an you have to wear hijab – can you tell us huh?’’
“The Prophet’s wives wore it didn’t they?” Stumbled the girl.
“Name them then!” came the harsh response.
‘Behold! You are they who disputed about that of which you had knowledge; why then do you dispute about that of which you have no knowledge? And Allah knows while you do not know.’ (Al-Imran 3: 66)
You may feel pushed into making decisions on matters about which you know little or nothing. You may also see, in people’s way of prayer, a lot of apparent ‘contradictions’ in Islamic practice. There are four major schools of thought in Islam (madhhab) all of which are considered valid. It is hard to understand when we arrive in the deen and seek out absolutes in all things with the enthusiasm and zeal of the enthusiastic amateur. But, don’t be rushed.
When a discussion leads into something about which the listener does not have knowledge, men of great quality such as Imam Shafi’i simply said “I do not know” and left it like that. Seeking knowledge means accepting that we are worthy of knowing only a little at a time. And more, that until each teaching is absorbed and then practiced with consistency and sincerity in our daily lives and worship – why should the next treasures be unlocked for us?
One of the principles we learn from Islam is that being silent is better than speaking.
To be continued
The author, Lauren, a journalist and world-acclaimed public speaker, is sister-in-law to former British PM Tony Blair. She reverted to Islam in September 2010
– OnIslam