Nigeria, let’s talk about sex (education)

Nigerian parents are not shy about sharing their thoughts in the form of advice and opinions on any and all topics, especially their children’s lives.  Whether you ask for it or not, and whether they are experts or not, Nigerian parents will never stop talking, unless you bring up sex. Seriously! Try it. The next […]

Nigerian parents are not shy about sharing their thoughts in the form of advice and opinions on any and all topics, especially their children’s lives. 

Whether you ask for it or not, and whether they are experts or not, Nigerian parents will never stop talking, unless you bring up sex.

Seriously! Try it.

The next time a Nigerian mum or any elder is going on and on about whatever, just bring up something sex-related.

And watch how they suddenly have to find something else to do.

Now to be fair, I think this is true for most socially conservative societies, not just Nigeria.

But right now, and once again, Nigeria finds itself in the middle of a sex crisis leading to local news headlines like “RAPE PANDEMIC”, and so we need to talk about sex.

More specifically, sex education.

Sex education is actually not about sex

Sex education (sex-ed) is not a standard part of the curriculum in Nigeria’s schools and every time the topic of sex-ed comes up in Nigeria, there is massive resistance.

“They want to ruin our children!” is a common refrain heard from north to south.

No, actually lack of attention is doing that.

What sex education does is give teenagers and young adults the tools they need to understand, control, and protect their bodies, their choices, and their emotions as they explore the world.

I attended an all-girl catholic high school (secondary school equivalent) in the United States back before the internet was popular, and we had sex-ed classes.

And guess what: we did not learn how to have sex in sex-ed classes.

Instead we learned how to be aware of, control, and protect our bodies, our choices, and our emotions.

In high school, we were growing breasts and menstruating, and our hormones were all over the place.

We learned about why those things were happening, what they meant, and how we could take care of our bodies and our emotional wellbeing.

Instead of learning about the “miracle” of childbirth, we learned about the physical stresses of childbirth and how it’s important for the female body to be fully matured before taking in and giving forth another life.

We learned about the ups and downs of marriage first-hand from married couples, divorcees, and widows.

Their stories of heartbreaks and joys were so poignant that many have stuck with me to this day.

And yes, we did learn about how we can protect our bodies from sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies, but that was honestly only about 30 minutes of an entire semester.

Despite the title, “Sex-Ed”, the focus and intent was to mould a young woman who would be aware and in control of her body, her choices, and her emotions.

On the opposite side of town, the all-boys high school was going through the same training and again with the same intent – to mould young men who would be aware and in control of their bodies, their choices, and their emotions.

I cannot even begin to tell you how grateful I am to have had those lessons at that time when the world was, arguably, a bit simpler. Teenage and young men and women in today’s globalised Nigeria need these lessons.

And since parents are not equipped to provide these lessons, we need to integrate sex-ed into our schools.

If we’re getting stuck on terminology, then let’s call it something else, perhaps premarital education or self-awareness education.

Whatever we call it, we just need to do it.

In the presence of a woman wearing a skirt, a man who can control his body, his choices, and his emotions will not harass or rape.

In the presence of a student who is struggling to pass a class, a man who can control his body, his choices, and his emotions will not harass or rape.

In the heat of the moment when she tells him to stop, a man who can control his body, his choices, and his emotions will not harass or rape.

Even if she is his wife and she’s mad and will not have sex from him, a man who can control his body, his choices and his emotions will not harass or rape.

In the presence of a little girl, a man can control his body, his choices and his emotions will not harass or rape.

There is a special place in the social hierarchy of prison for people who molest, and rape young children, and I have full confidence that Nigeria’s Police Force (NPF) and our broader justice system take those cases very seriously.

Outside of child-related cases, the NPF can sometimes be powerless, not because they don’t want to help but because they cannot.

This is where leaders across industry, universities, and civil service can step up and take accusations of rape and other sexual abuses happening in those institutions seriously, investigate them thoroughly, and take meaningful action.

Make it clear that your institutions will only tolerate individuals who have demonstrated that they are in control of their bodies, their choices, and their emotions.

Despite what the media would have us believe these days, most people we encounter on a day-to-day basis, including men, are good human beings who can control their bodies, their choices, and their emotions.

Good people are moulded through the education we get in schools and the experiences we have at work and in our communities.

Let’s continue to update and advance those educational systems for the betterment of all.

 

Dr. Rahmat Muhammad, PhD, Nigerian, American, Neuroscientist, Founder & CEO Triple-E Media Productions.