No lessons from London
If Oyibo life had not been precious and Mama Charlie did not have such powerful tentacles, I would have sniggered at Theresa May last week. According to the BBC, Lady May was spirited out of the parliament when terrorist Khalid Masood was mauling everyone in sight at the London parliament. Sai Baba who recently left […]
If Oyibo life had not been precious and Mama Charlie did not have such powerful tentacles, I would have sniggered at Theresa May last week. According to the BBC, Lady May was spirited out of the parliament when terrorist Khalid Masood was mauling everyone in sight at the London parliament. Sai Baba who recently left London would have waited to see what was going on first – he is a general!
London police quickly put the entire town in lockdown. Pray, what is that to a Naija man? You can’t lock a Naija down? If a terrorist struck anywhere in Naija, we have a way of scramming first before remembering our Shino phones; we then rush back to snap gory pictures then rush to social media to publish – that’s how we roll.
It is said that four people died in the attack including the attacker! One person died in hospital and about 20 people are still battling to stay alive. The way global media was on the case for over 24 hours, you would have thought that Buni Yadi didn’t happen. Somebody remind me how many boys were roasted alive there? If some people had their way, Chibok would have been hushed.
Anyway, five people died, the police knew what to do – there was a plan. Planning is a total waste of time in Naija. We must never compare Naija with the UK except we subscribe to Nnamdi Kanu’s description of Naija. Nobody should compare sleep with death where coma is in competition?
What is the plan at the Federal Secretariat in the case of a fire outbreak? When was the first and last time anyone ever took part in a fire drill? In fact, what is a fire drill self? Which kid knows where to gather in the case of emergency? Proprietors are prayer warriors whose language of choice is currency; heaven is the sole guarantor of safety in Naija.
So, I just marvelled at the poor Londoners locked down in their parliament and stranded on the London Eye until Scotland Yard and the Met figured out ‘what the hell’s going on’, apology to the Donald, we don’t want Naija on the list. Lady May addressed the nation – for four dead and twenty wounded?!
During a lockdown such as happened in London, you would expect the press to do as it is told – play some martial or classical music, or the legendary ‘we shall overcome’. The London media are not patriotic. They were everywhere, using their microphones, cameras and other accouterments to harass people who were hiding under their desks and asking them to describe their experience. In Naija, they should expect a visit from the Daura Secret Service. One would expect the Mayor of London, the first Muslim to ever hold the position to check Twitter and track for jail anyone who as much as tweeted the incident – he is yet to do that.
So, what do these Londoners think they are doing, trying to stay ahead of the pack as usual? They should learn from us. Since we decided that the war against Boko Haram has been won, have you seen any gung-ho reporting attacks by Boko remnants anywhere? Camp Buhari templates that carry the president’s usual message are scarce these days. Has Sai Baba talked about alleged herdsmen attacks in Benue, Kaduna or anywhere else? Mr. President is busy repositioning Naija for foreign investors.
Sorry London, there are no lessons to be learnt from you by us. We have looked in vain for mashed bones and marrow on parliament walls to no avail – are you guys that squeamish? Who would believe that an attack took place when there is no horrible picture to numb the mind?
Seriously, one is tired with the way things are done in muzunguland. For all the hype of the Donald, the man could not get Obamacare repealed at the first attempt. His executive orders have been grossly violated by some states that believe they are equal partners in American democracy challenging their president in court. What to do Donald withdraw their federal allocation and let them starve. Shamefully, neither the FBI nor the CIA has carried out any midnight raid on the judges nullifying executive orders. What kind of democracy are you guys practicing? The day we start running a government where politicians respect the electorate even after obtaining or stealing their votes with stomach infrastructure, what would be left of the alcohol of politics?
Dear London and elsewhere in the world, we hope there would never be any more threats to life and living in your clime again – leave bad headlines to us. We wouldn’t like to issue travel advisories to the wives of our politicians asking them to stay away from your shopping malls, or warn our children to stop applying to your schools – so guys take security more seriously, okay? When it comes to one-minute mind-boggling attacks and other negative stories, allow Africa to have its share, because here human life is cheaper than a loaf of bread. If I am lying check the way our dead are transported and see if your fowls can be so transported and yet slaughtered for meat.