No Revolution Here

You would have thought that having spent so many years in the ‘shruggle’, Omoyele Sowore would’ve learnt shruggle tactics. The cardinal principle is that you never make demands except you’re in a position to do damage. Ask Biafraud exponent, Nnamdi Kanu. His radio rants were tolerated until he returned home to ‘actualize’. For a while, […]

You would have thought that having spent so many years in the ‘shruggle’, Omoyele Sowore would’ve learnt shruggle tactics. The cardinal principle is that you never make demands except you’re in a position to do damage. Ask Biafraud exponent, Nnamdi Kanu. His radio rants were tolerated until he returned home to ‘actualize’. For a while, Uncle Bubu pretended as usual that he is ‘not aware’ then at the opportune time, he crushed.

Sowore committed the first act of treason when he launched his ‘TakeItBack” movement and cornered 38,000 of Sai Baba’s benigh votes. If the Kano script had been used, those votes would have been discounted into Sai Baba’s account and the heavens would not have fallen. Once is a dare, a second attempt is a declaration of war. Only those with cows are excused such daring.

If you want to be in a position to do anything in Naija and get away with it there are specific things you must do. One; you must join the APC. According to Adams Oshiomole, even corruptly fatted cows could pass through the eye of the APC needle easier than my grandmother could thread her needle. Sowore knows this. His outfit has published so many stories of fatted cows sashaying the corridors of power without scruples.

The other thing is to invest in cows – lots of them. It doesn’t matter whether the cows are gay or barren – they must be cows registered by Miyetti Allah Kautal Horeh. An endorsement by that group makes you untouchable in a manner that would make India’s lowest caste jealous. When it comes to sacred cows, the Indians have nothing on Sai Baba. Herdsmen are above the law; they could do anything and get away with it – yes, including carrying out pogroms, genocides and the odd blue murder.

When herdsmen showed up in Benue, killed 93 people and wiped out several communities or succinctly made the food basket of the nation a basket case, nothing happened. President Buhari was not ‘aware’. Revolutions are the exclusive birthright of herdsmen and Sowore is not a herdsman.

Not many people know that Ijaw blood flows in Sowore’s vein. Imagine at this trying times when the UN is monitoring our foreign investment if Sowore had bought a few rocket launchers, RPGs and AK-47 and mobilized a fraction of his voters, using Sahara Reporters’ video unit, he’d be rolling in dollars. His Royal Highness, King Tompolo was a man like Sowore when President Jones ordered the Navy to dry their boats and let him take care of the nation’s maritime security. Not only did he become an affluent national icon, he is now a revered King.

Asari Dokubo knew a thing or two about the shruggle. Kicked out of the university, he simply bid his time and became a force to reckon with. I understand he is a university proprietor, Alhamdulillah! These things happen here. Only days ago, wailers were shedding tears that the chairman, sinnate committee on tertiary education did not attend a tertiary institution. Again, Sowore is a missed opportunity.

As the chief operating officer of Sahara Reporters, Sowore is eminently qualified to be Sai Baba’s image-maker in the habroad. He could have named his price and be handsomely paid. What more, he’ll be a heir apparent in case Sai Baba changes his mind and named a successor. No! The silly boy bought a ticket for trouble, tweeted and ranted himself into a paper ‘revolution’ in Bubu’s Eldorado. Now he languishes in a prison cell with less hope of making it to India on humanitarian and compassionate grounds than Sheikh Zakzaky. Evidently, the witches in Sowore’s family have finally nixed him.

For a long time, Sai Babarians have warned habroad critics to desist from agitating for good governance at home. Now even Farooq Kperogi is reportedly on an assasin’s list. Sai Babarians have a saying about governance at home that Americans love to borrow – if it aint broken, don’t fix it.

Words are more dangerous than guns. They do incredible danger to the psyche of despots. Muhammadu Buhari very well remembers what happened in Havana in 1959 when 81 Fidel Castro revolutionaries made for Havana. Only 19 made it ashore but they torpedoed Fulgencio Batista. That’s one reason History is no longer taught in Naija schools. You don’t want to weaponize the youths, exactly what Sowore was aiming to do.

A Sowore is more dangerous than a million herdsmen or Boko Haramists enjoying amnesty. Herdsmen and Boko Haram attack the hoi-polloi. The occasional elite victims of these bandits are called collateral damage, the rest recycle themselves in office. Sowore is more dreadful; a ‘revolutionary’ march by his supporters threatens the jugular of the ruining class. A revolution would shut down the nation and endanger the one percent that ruins it. That should never be tolerated. Lagos is not Tunis, Cairo or Algiers. It should not be.

Naija is a democracy. Our demoncrazy arrests without warrant; detains without charge and heckles the opposition. Don’t get me wrong; the right to public protests exists in Naija too, in favour of government. No government has ever banned a pro-government rally! That, for those who do not know, is democracy. No revolution here.