Not all that glitters …

‘Yes, she did. She must have stopped there to pick something because her destination was supposed to be the university where she will check up on her master’s degree admission.’ Rahima explained. ‘Oh, so she’s pursuing a master’s degree program? That’s nice. I was actually struck by her perfect elegance. I couldn’t help wondering how […]

‘Yes, she did. She must have stopped there to pick something because her destination was supposed to be the university where she will check up on her master’s degree admission.’ Rahima explained.
‘Oh, so she’s pursuing a master’s degree program? That’s nice. I was actually struck by her perfect elegance. I couldn’t help wondering how she manages to look like a brand-new bride five years after her marriage. She must have inherited your beauty secrets. I remember how young men were making passes at you on campus when we were students. They had no idea you were married with children. I seem to recall that you were more popular than those of us who were single because you managed to look so attractive and childless.’ I recalled, smiling.
‘Oh Bint and your flattery,’ Rahima replied, smiling back. ‘You have such a great memory, but I don’t remember being such a hot cake. However, Mu’mina’s elegance might just be because she is truly childless. So there is no beauty secret there.’ She added, sadly.
‘I’m very sorry to hear this but she is still young enough to keep trying. And with all the medical breakthroughs achieved in the area of fertility, she can seek some cure if her childlessness persists.’ I advised.
‘I’m afraid the problem has nothing to do with her being fertile or not, it’s entirely to do with her husband.’ Rahima answered angrily.
‘You mean he is one of those who don’t want children?’ I asked.
‘Frankly we don’t even know what his problem is. We only recently learnt that in all the years they’ve been together, the marriage was never consummated.’ She replied.
‘What, in five years the marriage wasn’t consummated, why didn’t she say something?’ I demanded.
‘We wondered the same thing too. But if you knew Mu’mina well enough you’ll understand how she could remain quiet about this. She is the quietest and most persevering of my children. At first I thought it was because she was the first born, so she was trying to be dignified but I’ve seen many other first children who are very talkative and demanding. I had to accept that it was in her nature to be reserved and patient.’ Rahima observed.
‘So how did you know about her problem now?’ I asked.
‘You know her immediate younger sister, Hasana just had a second child. And Hasana has only been married three years. When Mu’mina went to the hospital to see the baby, she suddenly began to cry after she held him in her arms and prayed for him. Her sister thought she was heartbroken over her inability to have her own child, so she began to console her. She said that there was still hope for Mu’mina since she’s only 28 and there are fertility treatments she could try if she couldn’t wait any longer. At that point, according to Hasana, her sister raised her head and said there was no hope for her.
‘How can you say so?’ Hasana demanded, ‘have you tried any treatment? And even if you’ve tried something you never did an IVF. So try an IVF now but don’t say there is no hope. You have to learn to trust in God.’ She admonished.
‘You don’t understand Hasana, my marriage isn’t real. It’s a sham. In the five years we’ve been married it was never consummated.’ Mu’mina whispered, tearfully.
‘Never consummated, how is this possible?’ Hasana asked, perplexed.
‘At first I didn’t know what to make of it. Every night I will freshen up and look my best in a beautiful nightdress, then make my way to his bedroom. But after a little polite chat he will drift off to sleep, leaving me awake and wondering what it meant. Then days turned to weeks and weeks to months but still nothing. One day, when our marriage was exactly six months old I gathered enough courage and confronted him on it.
He simply said he was sorry and that I should be a little more patient. Thinking that he had some medical problem which he was trying to deal with, I took pity on him and kept my peace. We remained that way, without him offering any explanation to me till our first wedding anniversary. When I mentioned that our first anniversary was around the corner, he quickly began making plans for us to travel and celebrate abroad. That was when we took that trip to Hawaii and stayed in that heavenly beach resort I told you about; but still, no show.
One morning when we were there, I looked at all the natural beauty around me and just began to cry. He immediately got rattled and asked what was wrong. I told him that everything was wrong because here we were, married for exactly a year and still acting like strangers because it wasn’t yet a real marriage. He began to console me and kept saying he needed a little more time, that I should please be patient.
Later that day, when we went sightseeing, he bought me many expensive designer shoes, bags and jewelry that I had to feel amazed in spite of myself. But I still resolved that if he wouldn’t tell me what his problem was, I will never go to his bedroom again when we return. And that was what happened. From the day we came back, I kept my distance, telling myself that if he wished to finally be a husband, he will have to do all the chasing.
But I never saw him. It was almost as if I had done just what he wanted. Most nights I cried myself to sleep because of how lonely and frustrated I was. I just couldn’t keep bringing up the issue because I didn’t want to seem obsessed with it. But it was killing me to know that everyone thought I was happily married to a rich, handsome and generous husband while in actual fact I had no marriage.’ She concluded tearfully.
‘But why did you never trust me or Mummy with your problem?’ Hasana asked in anger.
‘Mainly because I felt shy, I just didn’t know how to start telling anyone ‘look nothing is happening in this house, I am still a virgin.’ Mu’mina replied.
‘So you’ve been this way for five years. How did you manage to remain happy and sane?’ she asked sarcastically.
‘Mainly by being philosophical. I said to myself that every person gets tried by Almighty Allah through one thing or another. I have friends who are really married and having children but they are either grappling with financial crisis or health concerns or quarrelsome co-wives or even uncaring husbands. And here I am, living in absolute luxury, with a husband who saw to my every need, apart from being a real husband that is. I felt I had enough to be grateful to God for.
 I decided to continue counting my blessings and keep hoping that one day my problem will be solved. That was what kept me going, year in, year out. But when I held your second child now, I realized that I had only been deceiving myself. I do want to be a mother, a real wife, not someone that glitters for the world to see, while actually living in the darkness of my misery.’ Mu’mina explained.
‘You do realize that I have to tell Mummy don’t you?’ Hasana asked.
‘Yes please do. It’s high time we find a solution to my problem. I can’t keep living a lie.’ She assented. So Hasana told me as soon as I went to see her at the hospital. Thinking that maybe Mu’mina’s husband has a medical problem he was too shy to discuss with her, we sent her uncle to talk to him. To our great surprise he denied not consummating the marriage. In his own words ‘How can she say that? I know we were not lucky enough to have a child but to say our marriage wasn’t real is just not true.’
When her uncle came back to say this, Mu’mina went livid with rage, I have never seen her so angry. She said the marriage was over, that she wouldn’t go back to him and we all agreed with her. So she’s been home for the last two months, trying to further her education and possibly get a real husband someday.’ Rahima concluded.
‘Do you think he might be one of those perverts who prefer fellow men?’ I asked, choosing my words with care.
‘We asked her that also but she said there was nothing in his behaviour to suggest so. He acted normally, didn’t go out much apart from to his business office, and didn’t seem to keep too many male friends which might suggest a preference for them. In short his problem still seems to be a mystery, because if it is a matter of dysfunction you will expect him to seek medical attention during five years of marriage. Anyway whatever his problem is, we no longer share it. He was forced to issue her a divorce letter early last month.’ Rahima added.
‘How sad, it’s a pity that someone so young should know such unhappiness. I wish her the best, Mu’mina certainly deserves a real marriage and a family of her own. May Almighty Allah grant her soon.’ I prayed.
‘Amin, Bint, that’s our prayer also.’ Rahima replied.