Not always a spring-chicken

‘What is so unacceptable about it? Here we have three suitcases full of lovely, elegant clothes-materials and cosmetics. Then over there is the small vanity case containing beautiful costume jewellery and a few gold sets. What more do you wish to see?’ I asked in response. ‘Look, in this day and age, a daughter like […]

‘What is so unacceptable about it? Here we have three suitcases full of lovely, elegant clothes-materials and cosmetics. Then over there is the small vanity case containing beautiful costume jewellery and a few gold sets. What more do you wish to see?’ I asked in response.
‘Look, in this day and age, a daughter like mine should not be subjected to this humiliation. As if it wasn’t bad enough that they brought only three suitcases, they had to crown it all with a miserable no-diamond show. I will not accept this at all. The moment Safiya comes I will tell her that the wedding is off until her suitor can do something better. I am so glad that you are the only one I invited Bint. Imagine if I had gone out of my way to invite numerous friends and relatives to this wedding gift presentation, I would have been forced to hide my head in shame. Luckily my sixth sense warned me that a man who drives a very ancient brand of Honda car cannot possible do something impressive. You see I am right. The young man has nothing but guts, the guts to come after a girl from this family when he has nothing to show for it.’  Uwani concluded with a loud hiss.
‘What are you saying Uwani? For someone who is just beginning his career, the young man has tried. He has included all that is normally brought. You can’t fault his taste either. So what are you complaining about?’ I demanded.
‘I am complaining about the fact that my daughter deserves better than this as her wedding wardrobe. Just last month we went to accept the same on behalf of my neighbour’s daughter. Her suitor brought nine suitcases and the tenth was the vanity case. In it there were twelve sets of gold jewellery and a complete diamond set. Now that is the kind of thing you could invite friends, relations and neighbours to come and see. Not the miserable things Safiya’s admirer brought.’ She lamented.
‘What does the other guy do for a living? I mean your neighbour’s daughter’s suitor.’ I asked.
He is a serving senator. At least she had the taste to go for someone who could give her what she deserves in life, quite unlike my daughter who thinks that isn’t very important.’ Uwani complained.
‘Was that what Safiya said?’ I enquired.
‘Yes, she had the audacity to tell me that material possessions aren’t important in a marriage relationship. That was after I complained that her suitor’s car was so old I didn’t even know what brand of Honda it is. When she answered me with her philosophical rhetoric, I quickly pointed out to her that she only feels that way because she knows her father is there to provide her with anything her future husband can’t. Since she had grown up in wealth and never knew want, it is easy for her to believe that she can cope without the luxury she is used to, but she also knows that if things got to a head we will have to intervene and bail them out.’ Uwani alleged.
‘But that is truly admirable of her. I mean here I was thinking of how to tell you the same thing without being offensive and all the while the young lady had told you so herself.’ I observed.
‘You find this truly admirable Bint? I should have known better than to expect you to understand. You were always the odd one out among my cousins with your Al-Ghazali beliefs and your ascetic ways. Anyway your admiration can’t save her this time. Safiya will have to ask her young man for a better wedding gift or forget about this marriage altogether.’ She said emphatically.
‘You mean you can really go that far? Haba Uwani, why is it so important for the young man to bring extravagant gifts when it is not even one of the essential requisites for marriage? Don’t get so carried away by your riches that you will look down on a young man trying hard to marry your daughter. You weren’t always this rich you know? In fact I recall that when you got married to your husband he didn’t even have a car. As for your wedding gifts from him, though you might think I was too young to remember, I am very certain that it was only one small suitcase that was taken round and shown to all our mothers as the stuff your husband brought. If your parents were kind enough to accept what your husband brought as good enough, and that didn’t stop you from becoming rich people today, why can’t you do the same for Safiya’s  suitor?’ I demanded.
‘Since you had such a great memory for remembering all the unsavoury details of my past, you might also recall that our parents were not rich people so they couldn’t possibly turn down my husband at the time. They weren’t better off than him and his parents. But compare us with the young man Safiya has chosen to impose on us and tell me the difference isn’t clear.’ She challenged. 
‘The difference may be clear but you are missing the whole point of my argument, which is that material possessions aren’t a necessity in a marriage and two, the fact that your husband was poor when you married him didn’t stop him from becoming a rich man today. So give Safiya’s future husband a chance. If it’s his destiny he will become rich and make her as comfortable as you wish to see her, and if it isn’t, be sure he can still make her happy because the beautiful, qualitative things he sent in his three suitcases all show a man determined to do his best for your daughter. Won’t you give him the chance?’ i appealed.
‘You see whenever I remember the expensive things the senator brought for Khadija next door, I feel bad that our Safiya doesn’t deserve this. But with what you just said I guess I will just have to collect some money from her father and buy seven more suitcases, fill them with clothes and other stuff before I invite my friends and neighbours to come and see. I can’t afford to have her looking less lucky compared to our neighbour’s girl.’ She conceded.
‘Your neighbour’s daughter is getting married to a senator, probably an aging man with many wives and children in addition to his fat pay check. Your daughter is getting married to a fresh young man who is just starting a career and has no one but her to capture his attention. How can you even compare their luck? As for collecting money from your husband to buy stuff that you will pretend was brought by Safiya’s suitor, I think that is really unfortunate. Why go out of your way to deceive people just so as to impress them? So what if they said your daughter couldn’t catch a rich suitor? Does that make her marriage any less a marriage? And how can you even convince them that your future son-in-law brought everything when you yourself are unimpressed with his old car? Be sure that your neighbour’s will see through your deceit faster than you think. So if you have to collect money from your husband to do anything, use it to buy the young man a new car since it is your daughter that will share his life from now on.’ I advised.
‘Dear cousin Bint, you still have this irrepressible habit of thinking you know best.’ Uwani said with sarcasm. ‘However do not expect me to spoon-feed this young man after giving him my beautiful, well-brought up, well -educated daughter in marriage. She isn’t a cripple or anything and I am not exactly desperate to get her married.’
‘You may not be desperate now, Hajia Uwani’ I said rising to my feet ‘but you will be by the time you chased away every suitor through some unnecessary criticism of his situation. At 24, Safiya is a highly eligible career woman. But she won’t always be young, beautiful and desirable. Yes, unless you make up your soon she won’t always be a spring-chicken.’ I warned before walking out on Uwani.