Not the fall, but rising after it

Regardless of what angle we look at it from, disappointments are inevitable. Experiencing a ‘fall’, disappointment or mishap in life can be quite a devastating experience which can make one loose all hope and focus. We are overwhelmed by grief and prefer to stay down there.Such experiences can set us back a great deal emotionally, […]

Regardless of what angle we look at it from, disappointments are inevitable. Experiencing a ‘fall’, disappointment or mishap in life can be quite a devastating experience which can make one loose all hope and focus. We are overwhelmed by grief and prefer to stay down there.
Such experiences can set us back a great deal emotionally, relationship-wise and even financially. The natural and immediate response to such challenges for some of is to focus on the mishap and dwell in it. We expend so much energy narrating the story over and over, brooding over it and exclaiming or wishing it would have been a different positive. This is not the best approach because no matter how much time we spend dwelling over our misery, it is impossible to undo the past. We can only correct it, learn from the mistake and move on.
It is important for us to maintain perspective amidst disappointments even if the pressures and challenges seem insurmountable. Count your blessings and the lessons and see how you can turn the situation around.
Recounting her experience and having to deal with her emotions in her down moments, Zara Ahmed explained that, “In your down moments your emotions are raw and on edge. I feel anger, rejection and sometimes jealousy; especially where others have succeeded in a venture we entered into together.  Without realising it, they begin to affect whatever good sense of reasoning and judgment I have left. This is not good for me because, on a few occasions it has led me to think of mean acts which, if I were not cautioned or I did not watch it, would have led me from achieving other successes that have now come my way. I have learnt that it is necessary for one to be realistic in our outlook and try to strike a balance between prosperity and adversity.”
In his article, Disappointed With Life? Rise Above Your Circumstances published on ezinearticles.com Gerard Mohamed said, “Your experience could be such that a great disappointment, e.g. losing out on a promotion at work could lead you to up your skill and thus become available for other job opportunities beyond your present workplace. It is therefore wise to always try and maintain a good balance and an optimistic outlook whenever you are faced with disappointments.
“The nature of life is such that there will be times when you are on the losing end. Disappointment is not just a file in the cabinet of life, it is life itself. Be prepared and handle it with great conviction and adequate consideration to those that may be affected, irrespective as to whether it is a spouse, child, relative or colleague.”
Mohamed further explained that it is essential for me to again emphasize the lessons that were learned from your disappointments because in the event of you running into a similar situation, it will stand you in good stead. Mistakes and disappointments are there for you to experience and contemplate on, in order to make better decisions next time. You must be an exceptionally strong person to deal with a serious disappointment, especially if you do not have adequate support systems to rely on.
There are ways in which we can brace ourselves to rise above our failures. Acknowledging that we can cope is a major step.  Resorting to comforting habits like smoking and alcohol do not take the problem away. Annette Colby author of Powerful ways to cope with disappointment says, “It’s still there inside of you, waiting for you to process it in an appropriate manner. When the effect of your coping strategy starts to wear off, take a deep breath and deal with your disappointment in positive, new ways.”
Colby also explains that acknowledging what you feel is another step to rising. “Whatever you are feeling is your starting place. Instead of numbing out or avoiding what is real, express your pain; cry or write if you want to. The point is not to blame, punish or dump your feelings on anyone. Your purpose is to be honest with yourself about what you are feeling. If you feel hate, bitterness, self-pity, helplessness, or even desire revenge, then that is what you feel. Express yourself to yourself, get it out into the open, and then move on to the next step.”
Focusing is the next step and she said, “Let yourself know that while your disappointment feels bad, this kind of thing happens to everyone in life. You are not being singled out or punished. Remind yourself that disappointments won’t last forever. The sun will shine again, tomorrow will come, and soon you will feel better again.”
Getting yourself together again after any disappointment is another helpful process. According to Colby, “The benefit of facing disappointment in a new way is that you allow yourself to become consciously aware of what you believe deep down inside of you about your life, yourself, and your abilities to succeed. Once you can recognize your limiting beliefs, you can take steps to begin releasing those beliefs and building new self-empowering beliefs.
“Take three deep breaths and go into yourself. Allow your mind and body to relax and calm down. Release some of your tension. Now, as you consider your disappointment, say the words, “There’s a positive lining to this disappointment and I’m sure something good is coming from this experience it.” Don’t try to hide from your disappointment, but find ways to extract value from your.  Notice that by breathing and relaxing a little, you begin to open to new possibilities along with new hope.”
You need a friend to listen to your situation and to support you through this difficult time. That friend needs to be you. Go to the nearest mirror and talk to yourself. Tell your story, state out loud how you feel, and then encourage yourself. Tell yourself, “I can make it through this.” Your words can help connect you to your spirit, your confidence, and your source of new possibilities. It takes courage to leave the rut of disappoint. Make the move to rise up.